Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Caucasians

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

288  289  290  291  292  293  294  295  296  297  298  299

The guy goes on a beach and sees delightful devushku.
on the girl approaches it and speaks:
-, and at you will not be to light?
Ta gives it sigaretu.
-A a spark will not be?
ONA a lighter to it dayot.
-Or perhaps we will get acquainted? A drum not to give
-A to you?
-What for? of
-A to head a column, going on x. y

*****

- How to transfer on Armenian "Self-determination up to office and obrazovaniya
samostoyatelnogo the states"? It is very difficult for
-, since in the Russian and Armenian languages this expression imeet
sovershenno different sense.

*****

Before repatriation to Armenia the Armenian agreed with the brother who remained in the West,
chto if in the USSR is bad, he will write the letter green ink. Soon from nego
prikhodit the letter written by usual ink: "Everything is excellent, received the apartment,
khoroshuyu work, all is a lot of. If there are shortcomings, small. For example,
trudno to get green ink".

*****

Before repatriation to Armenia the family agrees with remained on zapade
druzyami that will send the family photo. If everything is good, vse
budut to stand on a picture and if it is bad - to sit. Soon friends receive the photo, na
kotoroy all lie.

*****

- Report, please, talonchik.
-hands are occupied From me, here the Georgian costs, he peredast.
-Slyushay, ti itself will transfer, your father - will transfer, and your det vyrastut
peredastami!

*****

The rooster tramples down chicken. The house leaves the Georgian and throws a handful of grains. Petukh
brosayet also pecks chicken zerna.
-God forbid so to be starving! - with a sigh the Georgian says.

*****

On the airport the Georgian waiting for the flight goes. Comes into the hall of playing machine guns. Approaches the display and
chitayet: "Calls a nationality, the age and what flight departs." The Georgian threw a coin, reads: "The Georgian, 27
let, departs flight 700." The amazed Georgian leaves. Changes clothes in the smart lady, again approaches the machine gun,
brosayet a coin, reads: "The Georgian, 27 years, departs flight" Then it changes clothes in a sarik. It is impossible to learn.
EShchE of times throws a coin into the machine gun, reads: "The Georgian, 27 years if did not toil with a nonsense, would depart flight"

*****

On the mountain Caucasian road the dashing Dzhigit on "Zhiguli" rushes. Passable nebolshoye
seleniye, he does not manage to slow down and runs over a pig. The Dzhigit left iz
mashiny, looked on the parties - anybody is not present - and put a pig to himself v
bagazhnik. Here also there was the neighboring house an owner of a pig with the gun in rukakh:
-Tolka ne dialects me that you in balnyets pavezt it!

*****

On the way to a donkey the Uzbek goes, and behind it the woman in parandzhe.
-trips Where gathered, Ahmed? - Asks sosed.
- The Sick wife I carry to hospital, the road.

*****

The Georgian visited a zoo somehow and tells the drugu:
-Slushch, the elephant saw, good such elephant, so big trunk, asses such big,
uvazhyayu. The rhinoceros saw Ishche, big such horn, an ass good, uvazhyayu. Ishche удав
видал - long - toshchshchy - an ass is not present absolutely. Nenavizhyu!

*****

- The defendant Gogiya, tell how you raped the victim? Thanks
-, well.

*****

The defendant Mamedov, tell reputable court how you raped the victim? Thanks
-, well.

*****

The Georgian to theatrical kasse:
-approaches I a performance posmatret want! What
-?
-"Rozovy of the Priest"!
-Is not present such spektakley.
-As Nat? Ha the poster saw! "Turn pink a bottom" nazyvaitsya.
padazhdite, to a pomoem "Krasny an ass".... And, remembered - "The Vishnevy back"!

*****

The Georgian to restaurant orkestru
-Hey spoyte mine a pesenka of a pr devushchku.
-approaches Excuse sing this song You're welcome.
- The girl on the machine gun All in snivels and tooth lipstick Cries

*****

One Caucasian approaches a stall where sell water and asks prodavshchitsu:
-you have waters?
-Not of water, and voda.
-Well, pour a glass voda.
-Not water, and vody.
-You that here, to grammars trade or VODOM?

*****

Train. Go mother with the daughter, the Georgian, the Russian and chukcha.
poyezd stops by in a tunnel. The sound of a kiss is audible and poshchechiny.
poyezd leaves a tunnel. Mysli:
mat: - In, my daughter already to someone nravitsya.
doch: - Hm, my mother still to someone nravitsya.
gruzin: - Once again we will stop by in a tunnel - once again potseluyu.
russky: - Once again to kiss will get - once again udaryu.
chukcha: - Once again will strike - at the following station I will descend to hell!

*****

Train. Compartment. On the lower shelf the Georgian, on top - a young couple sits. Vdru
gna a hand to the Georgian the drop falls from above a suspicious look. It asks:
-Strike perhaps?
-Not, ice cream we eat. Go further. Through nakotory time for a hand to the Georgian padayet
eshche one drop. He again looks at it and asks:
-Well now, probably, strike?
-Not, ice cream we eat. There passes a little more time and the next drop on a hand u
gruzina. He pinches it and with pleasure so, lingeringly says:
-Ice cream eat...
-Not, we strike.

*****

Went Gogh to business trip, comes and writes otchet:
1. Bed linen - 5 rub
2. Tickets of-10 rub of
... To
10 of the Girl of-25 rub of
hachalnik to it speaks:
-Gogh, you do not write "girl" and the accounts department will not pass that.
PISHI for example "zabivaniye of nails". Well Gogh and sdelal.
ha the following time comes from business trip and writes otchet:
1. Bed linen - 5 rub
2. Tickets of-10 rub of
... Zabivaniye's
10 of Nails-25 of rub of
11 Repair of a hammer of-50 rub 8-O

*****

There went somehow a Georgian to Moscow, and he descended there in the Bolshoi theater on the ballet "Zhazel".
priyezzhayet home also shares vpechatleniyami:
-Zakhazhu in theater, big big a scene, zagarayesya svet and on a scene a lot of pashta of naked women runs out, then pashta
vybegayet the naked man and starts running on a scene, ran up to one, smelled - not Zhazel,
ponyukhal not Zhazel ran up to the second, Vakh-Vakh-Vakh, it, Zhazel ran up to thirds. Seized her on hands and started running again. In one
ugol will run, on the parties will look, light-will see, pobizhit in other corner, it is lean the light-will see, here in the
kakoy hall the man jumped and started shouting - "EBIS, EBIS!!!"

*****

Got married the Circassian with a cherkeshanka... And conversation with utra:
-Eeee Fatime, I warn at once a teb if I come home and my peak of a kepka is directed up, can
speaks to me that want, I have then a good mood but if - down, it is better for me than nothing speak... and that
ubyyu..... I will tear... clearly?...
-I have Eeeeee Mukhyemed if you come the house in one hand a frying pan, and another on a belt... me all the same where
povernuta your kepka!!!!!!

*****

The tsar of Russian, the Frenchman and the Georgian called as that and speaks:
- At whom at the sight of my naked daughter will not get up, I will give her to that i
poltsarstva in marriage in addition and if rises - the head from shoulders down with! To the member kazhdogo
privyazali on a hand bell. Well, show to Russian naked tsarevnu:
-Dzin-dzin, - it is beheaded. Show to the Russian Frenchman goluyu
tsarevnu:
-Dzin-dzin, - it is beheaded. Show to the Georgian the naked tsarevna - tishina.
tsar approaches him and speaks:
-Good you are a man!
-Man?! Where man!? Dzin-dzin!

*****

The Avar caught the Goldfish. The small fish, as usual, offers three desires. The Avar reflected, scratched lysinu:
-I Want the house on the Mediterranean coast, three million dollars on the bank account and Lexus. It, so time!...

*****

The man (M) caught a wheelbarrow. Goes - looks drove (In) one traffic light on red, drugoy
na red M - You that, bothered to live? In - is quiet I the Dzhigit. Suddenly on the green -
vodila on brakes. The m - That happened? In - And if there other Dzhigit?

*****

The Uzbek caught the Ukrainian, filled up it, and it krichit:
-Waters, waters! It not ponimayet:
-Why waters where I will take you waters?
-To and fro waters!

*****

A half of the sixth morning, absolutely empty road, at the intersection Mercedes waiting for green
signala stopped... Suddenly the roar of the coming nearer Zaporozhets is behind distributed... Everything is closer and closer... And here at last the Zaporozhets on
polnom to the course crashes into Mercedes. Mercedes leaves the Georgian and addresses to drove zaporozhtsa:
-Listen, and here when red and I am not present, you as stop?

*****

Lodged in one number of Russian, the Georgian and the Armenian. Armenians woke up at night - awakes russkogo:
-Give we with you the Georgian in an ass we will bang! I do not want
-, I will sleep. Then the Georgian woke Armenians - and the Georgian, naturally, agreed to bang the Russian.
Ha came to be tidied up morning the maid.
russky groans and an ass holds. The maid asks:
-That it it groans?
-A to it oranges zakhotelos.
-What oranges else in the winter, h@y to it in zhopu.
-We and made, and he all the same wants some oranges.

*****

After the first marriage night of the Magician creeps on a bed and something looks for on sheets. His wife asks:
- The Magician, what you look for?
-Mother told that have to be red pyatnyshki.
-Tell the mother that I have a leukemia.

*****

The last week before Easter, the train, a compartment, in a compartment two - the Georgian and ukrainka.
poyezd started, the Georgian got from the suitcase of char-grilled chicken, a shish kebab,
lavash, a khachapuri, a yogurt, kindzmaraul, a set of any greens and fruit, i
priglashayet the Ukrainian to divide with it trapezu:
-Ugashchaysya, daragy!
ukrainka, having modestly looked down and squeezing in hands the small knot, to it otvechayet:
-Dyakaya, to Alya I infections do not smear - in exchange great pist.
gruzin:
-Slyushay, daragy, big pizd, malenkiya pizd, it is necessary to eat all the same!

*****

The Belarusian, the Russian and the Georgian at whom the tattoo is more argued. The Belarusian rukav
zakatal, and there on all hand the woman naked. Here Russian as will jerk a shirt, and on grudi
u it St. Basil's Cathedral. Here the Georgian gets from wide trouser-legs svoye
muzhskoye advantage, and there, on most... m-m-m... to a head ma - and - alenkaya tochka
sinyaya. Russian with the Belarusian: and supposedly found than to surprise... Georgian (sovershaya
svoyeobraznye frictional movements): "Now you will see, what balshy and krasivyy
gorod Tbilisi!"

*****

The point-policeman of traffic police stops the citizen of the Caucasian nationality.
TOT stops, but the car does not leave, waits. The cop too does not approach.
chepez five minutes the driver not vydepzhal:
-Slyushay, I ne paymu, Kama a fifty-kopeck piece is necessary, me or you?

*****

The Georgian entered the institute in Moscow. Write it roditeli:
-we Sold fruit, the sonny, raised a little money, we send them tebe
na "Zaporozhets". Only uchis.
otvechayet the sonny, I want supposedly as everything, to go on trolleybuse.
-Bought "Volga", only try, uchis.
-I Will be as everything, to go by the trolleybus, - answers syn.
-Sold all fruit, borrowed from relatives, neighbors, - parents, - kupili
tebe write the trolleybus. Now you can go as everything, only study the sonny.

*****

The Georgian went to bathe, lapped, lapped and suddenly started sinking... And here idet
po I protect Russian. The Georgian saw it, wants to call to the aid and as on-russki
"HELP, I SINK!" also forgot... To
-Hey, listen, daragy! The last time I kyupatsya! Obydno and!?

*****

Two Georgians went to a bath, at the same time and were washed...
B bane.
-Gogi, lift mylo.
-Better you lift soap, Givi.
-is fine, let's lift on time, and we will go.

*****

Representation at the Georgian theater. All roles are played by men - Georgians. Stsena:
domik grandmothers, in a bed the wolf, KSh at a bed asks it questions. KSh: Babushchka,
babushchka, and to a pachem at tebya such big ears? В: This that to a lyuchsha tebya slishat
vinuchka! KSh: Babushchka, the grandmother, and to a pachem at tebya such big eyes? В: chtoby
lyuchshe tebya to see it Vinuchka! KSh: Babushchka, the grandmother, and to a pachem at tebya such balshoy
nos? Pause... В: DA TI ON the PASMATRI!

*****

Invited the Georgian to teach Russian at school. There is a lesson, children write diktant:
"From a tree the yellow leaf fell" - the Georgian dictates. Suddenly pupil spashivayet:
-That such yellow leaf?
gruzin: Ne I know, BIRDS likely such.

*****

Comes sent to the Caucasus. Goes down the street to hotel, and towards emu
ambal with a dagger in a sheath. He wants to turn aside, and the jockstrap to him speaks:
-ne the courses There! There razdevayut.
- And where to go?
-of Nykud ne courses. Zdes undress!

*****

There comes to the unfamiliar city in business trip one lady. In one gostinitsu
tolknulas, in another... Came to the last, plopped a suitcase on a rack,
vzmolilas: - Anywhere, though in a corridor... Administratorsha, having rummaged in svoyem
talmude: - You know, we have only one empty seat, but in a triple room,
I there already live 2 Georgians. You as? Let's go. Were knocked, entered, ask: - To vam
mozhno to settle the woman?
-of Kanechno is possible! But with the uslovyy! Mi we will ask her a riddle: malenky, krasnenkoe, na
dlynnoy nozhke and ochchen vkusnoe. Otgadaet - will be to us as a sestra. Ne will guess - ya
i its Givi we will be..., until ne guesses! The woman remained, the administratorsha left, ko
koridornuyu on vsyak a case asked to look after that number... Proshli
sutki, atm. took up watch and on vsyak decided to check a case, how there ee
postoyalitsa. Asks the corridor: Well as? That in reply: Everything is silent, beyond everything time
nikto did not go... Well all! zatrakhal vusmert. Took atm. the door-keeper, slesarya
dezhurnogo, break a door and see: This lady in a chair, v
zubakh a cigarette crosses the legs, Georgians near it on kolenyakh:
-Well tell "vishenk", vi-shen-@...
-Not - and, tomato!

*****

Arrived to act Makarevich, but, as ill luck would have it, the amplifier broke. The Georgian to it speaks:
-Listen, the road! Let me be the amplifier! Makarevich:
-Let's try. It on mikrofonu.
-Time, time, time. Gruzin:
-Odyn, odyn, odyn.

*****

There arrived a Georgian from Moscow home. Brags: "Was at theater, saw a performance"
-As is called?
-"Crimson ass" of
-cannot be!
-Remembered! "The cherry back"!