Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about the Kazakhs

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There is on the steppe a cowboy, sees - the Kazakh grazes herd of sheep, solved kovboy
podshutit, pulled out two trunks, and as it befits the cool guy i
strelnul in a hat pastukha.
pastukh in a panic looked round around, i
vidit the cowboy, that twirled trunks a corporate style and having thrust obratno
stvoly the Cowboy Johnie speaks "! "
ofigevshy shepherd: "Oh акеңн?ң...", gets the fowling piece, "the Groin! Groin!" - killed the cowboy and speaks:
"Қойшы - Әб?лмәмбет!!!"

*****

From intervyyu:
-I since the childhood dreamed to visit the cities with double melodious names: Baden-Baden! Monte-Carlo!
buyenos-Ayres! And here I grew up, and me sent to Taldy-Kurgan...

*****

Ismet sends the letter from the front of World War II home, to herself in aul:
-My dear Azat and Apashka. With me everything is normal, war goes to itself as any war, every day we recede
kilometrov, probably, on three hundred, give My God in the fall already and at home I will be.

*****

Italiya
italiya
-Itel, is translated from the Kazakh language, as "the country of a dog". Vsem
izvestno that on a legend Rome was founded by fosterlings of a she-wolf or dikoy
sobaki.

*****

The Kazakh goes and shouts: KIA! KIA! The second asks: You that, were engaged in karate? No, bought the car... Collecting debts in
uralske and the West Kazakhstan region.

*****

The Kazakh writes the letter home to the aul from the front at the time of the beginning of Great
otechesatvennoy Voyny:
-Expensive atashka, plowing. I safe and sound, war go as war, in day of
otstupayem on 200-300 kilometers, God grant by spring I am at home.

*****

The Kazakh, the Japanese, the American die and appear at the Lord....
"is not necessary пи#деть, all the same during lifetime sinned, I give the last chance".... Their
zakryvayet in empty rooms, distributes to everyone on two zdorovykh
chugunnykh a sphere and suggests to surprise him in an hour....
through the American managed hour to suspend two spheres like a chandelier, u
yapontsa spheres rotate in the middle of the room in itself, the surprised
BOG comes to the Kazakh, leaves in in half and choking with a laughter uvodit
kazakha to paradise.... The American and the Japanese in despair ask that the Kazakh made... "You will not believe!" -
BOG answers - "It broke one sphere, and another lost!!!!"...... There is "Black" down the street, the boy runs up:-Uncle,
dyadenka, you Black?
dyadenka so looked, a typa you are an idiot chtol- The Uncle, the uncle, you the Black? (and so nekolko time) Uncle: - Ketshi
akeynuazyn!

*****

The Kazakh programmers adapted DOOM: now instead of underground
labirintov you run on the steppe, and the kamcha is added to an arsenal of the weapon.

*****

Kazakhskiye
programmisty adapted DOOM: now instead of underground labyrinths vy
begayete on the steppe, and the kamcha is added to an arsenal of the weapon.

*****

The Kazakh steppes, so around, the small rivulet also flows...
sidit the shepherd at the small river, catches a small fish, a flock grazes.
TUT, so caught a goldfish. Well that and speaks:
-Give, the shepherd, I will grant three desires, release then.
CHABAN:
-A you can, speaks, to make so that somewhere there in the distance what - a thread the Kazakh batyr galloped? Well, for example,
kabanbay-batyr.
ya, grit, from it I want to be loaded with fighting spirit...
... and somewhere there in the distance galloped batyr.
rybka:
-Well give the second zhelaniye.
chaban:
- And you can make so that it galloped closer and it is sensitive pomedlenee.
ya, grit, I want to receive from it even more fighting spirit. A small fish - I can, grit.
i again Kabanbay-batyr galloped already slightly closer and slightly medlenee.
rybka:
-Well, grit, give the third zhelaniye.
chaban:
- And you can, grit that Kabanbay-batyr absolutely close galloped also something to me such fighting told that I
navsegda was loaded with fighting spirit and was as on.
rybka - I can, grit. .
I again jumps, so Kabanbay-batyr absolutely nearby, stops and, terribly so at it looking, grit:
-You that, do not know names of other Kazakh batyrs?

*****

Kazakhstan. Martial law. Get on interrogation of Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. The investigator looked at the Russian and speaks:
-Doprosit and rasstrelyat.
posmotrev at the Ukrainian, tells the same samoye:
-Doprosit and rasstrelyat.
melkom having looked at the Kazakh, vykrikivayet:
-Rasstrelyat!
TOT protestuyet:
-Kak so why at first to interrogate them and only then to shoot, and me at once? You to interrogate
sledovatel:
-Nachnesh, still someone's relative will appear...

*****

- Karyndas, what is your name?
-of Syuzi...
-to be exact?
-is good, my name is Syuzanna
- And is even more exact???
-Here will not get rid, Kapirzhamal, is happy!!!

*****

Shorter there arrived 2 Kazakhs to Moscow. That to themselves excess attention not of
privlekat, agreed to speak only Russian.
znachit on a shop sat down to smoke. Here one ashes fall from a cigarette on trousers,
second notices it and speaks:
-Kayrat, trousers burn... I Know
-answers and smokes further...
-Kayrat! Trousers burn! I Know
-!
-Kayrat! Trousers burn! Yes I know
-I speak!!!
-E Kayrat! Shalvaryn zhanyvatyrgy!!!
-of Oybay! Oybay! Manadan take aytpaysyn oh???

*****

Well situtsiya.
kazakhstan. In the middle of the steppe on the road there is Merce SLK a cabriolet of the last
modeli. The cowl is lifted. Near it in dark glasses, a scarf such
glamurnaya the Kazakh woman goes. In hands of a vert, tries to phone somewhere, but
signala is not present... Here on the horizon there is a lonely rider. The girl of
zamechayet it also starts waving a hand and to call ego:
- The Dzhigit! Dzhigit! Help me the Dzhigit!
paren on a horse comes nearer, okidyvt a look a picture and silently proyezzhayet
by. The girl shouts to it vsed:
-Where you are a Dzhigit? Really you will not help me?
paren goes further and under a nose to itself burchit:
-Aha a pancake as to steppes, so the Dzhigit and as in the city, so mambt.

*****

- Korshinin Ermekke's balasyna of a karasha. Institutta bitipip zhumyska of a turda. It is scarlet senshi?
-Koyshi, mother. Ol Pidaraz goy
-Not kylyp boydak bolyp zhursin. Bir kelin tappaysin oh? Saul Ermek ozin uyin salyp uyleneyin dep zhatyr.
-Ko

*****

The man bought the license for shooting of mambet, all a rank on chinu.
v to Almaty
khodit on streets, it was not pleasant some mambt - bang in it from the gun! I
-of any noise, shows to cops the license - everything is all right. Arrived v
astanu - the same. It appeared in Shymkent, leaves the train and видит
какого an unpleasant mambich, brings down it, and suddenly - cops run up,
vyazhut and drag in the cops'. It shows the license to them, and they to it: "No,
muzhik, what license, here reserve!"

*****

The plane flies. Gets to a turbulence zone. The stewardess asks
passazhirov to throw out something to facilitate the plane. The American with
krikom "Да is well Америка!" throws out a box with Jack Daniel's. In total
NA it look with surprise. And he speaks: "А at us in the USA of such good
навалом". Through a nekotor time the stewardess again asks passengers of
vybrosit something to facilitate the plane. The Frenchman with shout of "Да
zdravstvuyet Франция!" throws out a box with Hennesy XO. In total on it smotryat
with surprise. And he speaks: "А at us in France of such good навалом".
snova the stewardess asks passengers to throw out something, that oblegchit
the plane. The Kazakh with shout of "Слава России!" throws out... Russian...

*****

Scene of action of Almaty. On Al-Farabi Avenue the 600th Merce rushes. The GAI officer (G):
-stops it Pay a penalty for excess skorosti.
na that the driver otvechayet:
-Yes you that, what penalty, you that do not know me, I am Serik (S).
G - NET.
S - Yes you that, I know your chief, went pokazhu.
priyezzhayut
v GORGAI. Go to the chief. With greets it, talk as davniye
druzya. The chief is surprised why does not know S. of Ukhodyat.
g - I understand Nothing, you all perhaps znayut.
s - Yes everything, I here am familiar with Nazarbayev (N), went poznakomlyu.
priyezzhayut in Astanu.
s - Hello Nursultan of Abishevich.
n - Oh, hi Serik. And lovely talk as old druzya.
kogda they leave the state residence, completely about %*evshy, asks:
-Well I understand nothing, well as so you what even znayesh.
na that to him otvechayet:
-Well it that I here George Bush know Nazarbayev, went with me in shtaty.
priletayut to Washington, come to White DOMU.
S - You to the White House will not let, but I now will come, we with Bush will leave, on that balcony, and it to you a hand pomashet.
skazano,
sdelano. Enters With in the White House appears with Bush on a balcony. Bush maschet
gaischniku. But when With leaves, he sees that the GAI officer lies on asfalte
bez consciousnesses. He runs up, starts beating the GAI officer on cheeks and privodit
ego in chuvstvo.
s - That happened?
G - Yes here, waves Bush to me a hand, and some Black and asks:
-approaches here That it there for the dude with Serik costs.

*****

I happened to hear that in Kazakhstan by radio and not only it is possible to hear surprising things, for example, of
TO that Russians lived in yurtas until Kazakhs taught them to build stone houses that French occur from Kazakhs of
I what even "samovar" - the Kazakh word since sounds somehow in Kazakh. Frankly speaking, to me it was not trusted. But here
me fell a page from some Kazakhstan newspaper into hands, and in it there was a note of amazing
soderzhaniya.
* * *
"Agamemnon was Turkoman? "
deystvitelno if to read this name from the point of view of the Kazakh language, it can sound as "Aga Memnin",
est: I am an elder brother. Akhill too it is possible to spread out:" OK uya ula" that are meant "by the son of the people akheya". Kazakhstan citizens are obliged by new
prochteniyem and interpretation of "Illiada" to the tarazsky journalist and the historian Amantayu of that Ayzakhmetovu.
krome, working with maps and scientific works, he found Turkic roots in Scandinavia of
(Varangians are "pine forest agyn", i.e. "wolves of currents"), in Spain (Spain - the sir's Expert uya - the country shelter of a tribe of
asov), in Latin America (El Dorado - Ate Torahs of at a - the country of the father of tsars) .
ETI quotes it is possible to gather from recently published book of Amantaya "A cradle of tsars of mankind" .
myrzatay CAMEHOB, Taraz
* * *
NU here, and I always thought that Russia - the homeland of elephants... Horse-radish! Next time I will be in Kazakhstan - obligatory for
kuplyu the above-named book.

*****

- Men, you weld a little here - and at home I tightly
prikruchu wire!

*****

Nazarbayev organized meeting and speaks:
zolotogolovye Jews went to Israel, zolotoruky Russians - to Russia. We will do
ChTO, zolotozuby?

*****

The new Kazakh got lost in New Yorke.
ostanavlivayet of a taxi and speaks: "To me in "Samal"
taksist: "There is no such area! "The Kazakh stretches to
novy $1000: "To me in "Samal"
taksist: "There is no such area! "The Kazakh stretches to
novy a press hundred dollar notes: "To me in "Samal"
taksist: "To you from Lenin or from Furmanov?"

*****

The new Kazakh was secured on a concert of an organ music. Sits, vnemlt,
baldeet. After a concert there is a standard aunt, like the compere, and
speaks: You listened to the fourth concert of Bakha.
novy the Kazakh speaks: Baha?? Ouch good fellow Baha...

*****

The new Kazakh was secured on a concert of an organ music. Sits, vnemlt,
baldeet. After a concert there is a standard aunt, like the compere, i
speaks: You listened to the fourth concert of Bakha.
novy the Kazakh speaks: Baha?? Ouch good fellow Baha...

*****

New Kazakh got lost in New Yorke.
ostanavlivayet of a taxi and speaks: "To me in "Samal" of
taksist: "There is no such area!"
novy Kazakh stretches $1000: "To me in "Samal" of
taksist: "There is no such area!"
novy Kazakh stretches a press hundred dollar notes: "To me in "Samal" of
taksist: "To you from Lenin or from Furmanov?"

*****

- What it is necessary to make to be lost in Almaty? To Buy
-black Landcruiser and number 777.

*****

One Kazakh departed to America. In the plane drank and began to misbehave. Also it rasbushevatsya so that stewardesses it took also
skinuli with a parachute. It got on some island, and on it crowd of natives with copies. The Kazakh climbed on a palm tree and
zakrichal "Wye Alla Sakhtaygur, oybay!". There is a leader and speaks "uy, Sep? aza? synba?"

*****

One of darlings about kazakhov.
koroche there arrived 2 Kazakhs in Moskvu.
chtoby not to draw excess attention to itself, agreed speaks
tolko in Russian. Sat down means on a shop to smoke. Here odnogo
pepel falls from a cigarette on trousers, it notices the second and speaks:
-Kayrat, trousers burn... I Know
-answers and smokes further...
-Kayrat! Trousers burn! I Know
-!
-Kayrat! Trousers burn! Yes I know
-I speak!!!
-E Kayrat! Shalvaryn zhanyvatyrgy!!!
-of Oybay! Oybay! Manadan take aytpaysyn oh???

*****

Once, very cowardly Kazakh caught a goldfish. Also gold
rybka "Говори, the Kazakh tells the 3 желания".
-"Я very cowardly Kazakh, and I want that there in the distance galloped, kakoy
nibud the famous batyr, for example Eset-batyr, I will see it, and I will become
храбрее"
-"Пожалуйста" the goldfish told, and galloped in the distance Eset-batyr and
skrylsya in dali
-"Второе desire will be such, I want that it galloped closer, and then ya
exactly to a camp храбрым"
-"Пожалуйста" were told by a goldfish, and Eset-batyr galloped much
blizhe and disappeared in дал?
-"?то that does not help. The third desire, I want that it galloped a row and
said, me something, encouraging and that I became on the present
храбрым"
И right there nearby there was Eset-batyr on a horse and told, "Ты that mambt,
drugikh of batyrs do not know ?"

*****

Parents of the son sent studies to the city. Through a floor of year, for the lack of
deneg, the student sends home the short telegram: "СТУДЕНТ". Houses of
roditeli decipher: Urgently A great lot of Money Is required Is Tochka.
roditeli Nothing send the response telegram, where only 3 letters: "ССО".
student deciphers the telegram: Sypyldamay Sabagynda Oky!

*****

- The first desire, - there began an American, ten million dollars on scheta
my wife and children.
vtoroye desire - let my beloved uncle will become senator from staff of
illinoys.
nu, and the third - bury me near George Washington.

*****

- The first. I want koumiss - You began kazakh.
-Yes that, the Kazakh, - natives were indignant. Now the fall, koumiss will be
vesnoy.
-B_z asykpaymyz (we do not hurry) - sedately answered kazakh.
delat there is nothing, waited for spring, the Ka

*****

Down the street Furmanova, near the residence of the president, on the carriageway goes straight a penguin. The GAI officer caught it,
ostanavlivayet and tells first "Mercedes" to the driver: "I cannot throw a post, bring it to a zoo!"
vecherom approaches the point-policeman same "Mercedes", it leaves the driver and a penguin with a ball.
gaishnik: "What did you do not bring it to a zoo?"
Driver: "Both in a zoo, and in circus, and in Aja park drove! And now where to bring?"

*****

Germans of the Kazakh, Russian and the Ukrainian caught... interrogate. The Russian
sprashivayut - the Commissioner? Yes. To shoot. The Ukrainian - the Commissioner? No.
partiyny. Yes. To shoot. When the Kazakh appeared before the German, that srazu
ordered: "Расстрелять!" .
-Pochemu at once to shoot? It is
is better to shoot at once differently you will interrogate, the relative of
okazhetsya.

*****

Presidents Bush, Putin and Nazarbayev died. Came to god and ask
"когда my people will live хорошо?" .
bushu. "?ерез ten лет!" Bush began to cry "как it is a pity that I am not дожил!"
Путину "?ерез hundred лет!" Putin заплакал"как is a pity that I not дожил!"
Назарбаев ask. God began to cry "как I am a pity that not доживу!".

*****

The American, the Frenchman and the Kazakh got on the desert island. And, naturally, they were caught by the cannibal. There were poor creatures of
plakat and to ask that they were released by the villain. And the villain was not really angry and set him a condition: will release
togo who will surprise it. Itself put all three in deaf peshcherka and gave on two metal spheres. Exactly in a day
zakhodit to the Frenchman also sees: there is a Frenchman in the middle of a cave, hands behind the back, and spheres rise top and
opuskayutsya. The cannibal was surprised and let out the Frenchman. Comes to the American: there is an American in the middle of a cave, hands for
spinoy, and spheres on all cave one after another chase. It let out the American and went to the Kazakh. In five minutes of
bezhit and krichit:
-Hey, do not leave. I after all will eat you!
-As! You were surprised!
-Yes, but that the third me is strong udivil.
-That such he made? Present to
-, it managed sitting in a deaf and empty cave, to lose one sphere, and to break another!

*****

The Russian, the Ukrainian and the Kazakh got on the desert island. Long they argued as to them further to live and swore.
razoshlis on different uglam.
russky decided to construct hizhinu.
ukrainets parted a kitchen garden and planted vegetables. Kazakh not poyavlyalsya.
nastupili cold weather. The Russian in a new hut sits, to him the Ukrainian with vegetables comes. They decided to live together.
prigotovili a dinner, ate and think: "how there our poor Kazakh? It is advisable to find it, not conveniently it turns out" .
vdrug knock at a door!
otkryvayut, is the Kazakh in a militia peak-cap on the threshold and speaks: "I am your local police inspector! How many people of
zdes live? And documents on a household are?".

*****

Popali
na desert island Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. Long they argued, kak
im to live further and swore. Dispersed on different uglam.
russky decided to construct hizhinu.
ukrainets parted a kitchen garden and planted vegetables. Kazakh not poyavlyalsya.
nastupili
kholoda. The Russian in a new hut sits, to him the Ukrainian s
ovoshchami comes. They decided to live together. Made a dinner, ate and think: "kak
zhe there our poor Kazakh? It is advisable to find it, not conveniently it turns out" .
vdrug knock at a door!
otkryvayut,
NA a threshold are costed by the Kazakh in a militia peak-cap and speaks: "I vash
uchastkovy inspector! How many people live here? And documents na
domovladeniye are?".

*****

The truth or not, I was told long ago when there was studentom.
uchilsya on a physical mat a boy on a nationality the Kazakh. His name was the Rope.
normalnoye Kazakh name. So, Physics. Control. Distributed all tasks (as at school - the first option and the second
variant). The Kazakh was given the second option. Silence. And here, the first option, having read a task starts neighing, then,
vtoroy option, in neponyatka that happened, looks in tasks of the first and tozhe
katitsya under a table. It became interesting to the Kazakh also he too prochital.
a a task such - I do not remember that there it was necessary to calculate and define, but the text began tak:
"On a table the rope (!) lies, its end hangs down from a table on 30 cm"