Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Caucasians

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

289  290  291  292  293  294  295  296  297  298  299  300

There arrived to the Georgian the friend from Russia. That decided to take for a drive the guest on the city na
mashine.
-On the traffic light - red, and you go?! - I am surprised russkiy.
-is a Dzhigit!
-Now on the traffic light green, and we stand. Why?
-A now from round the corner other Dzhigit will leave!

*****

There arrived somehow to the Georgian his best friend from Russia. Well and that decided to take for a drive dear visitor on the mashine.
russky in shoke:
-You only that on red light passed!!!
-Yes, I is the real Dzhigit! Listen to
-, and now green why you stand?
-So now because of other corner any other Dzhigit will leave!

*****

There arrived the prostitute at the sea, comes into water, rinses a pi%da and speaks:
-Wash a pi%da, wash - earned the car, earned giving, earned the apartment, moysya.
na to a beach the Georgian sits, the member takes in hand and speaks:
-Mashchina praye@at, giving praye@at, the apartment praye@at (sticks into sand) guzzle the scribblers, a bough, guzzle the scribblers.

*****

The UFO on a beach arrives, from it two Alien(s) i
nachinayut jump out to bang all women podryad.
- At you that, such hot all there? (I): Yes vse, but a plate only at menya and Gogi.

*****

Gogi comes to come to conservatory on a class of percussions. Passes examination po
spetsialnosti. All family waits at a door. Waits-waits, waits-waits. There is Gogi.
semya:
-Well, Gogi, handed over?
-Nat, ne sdal.
-to Pachem?
-Missed.

*****

The Georgian comes to shop and asks:
-Devushka mi yesterday confetti took y you... How - they nazivatsya?... And!!!
"Mi_y"!
-was not y us such candies! As - they nazivatsya by
-Ny... well and beat "Mi_ey"...
-Speak to you - was not!
-Ny such nazvanie, such... And!!! "Ona_nas"!

*****

The Georgian comes to a drugstore and speaks:
-to me prezervativ.
prodavshchitsa to him - Well why to shout, well you on an ear.
-E-e-e bl %, on what ear, on the member is necessary to me!!!

*****

The Georgian with the girl comes to restaurant.
zakazal to itself a smart dinner, well there binge, snack - all table filled.
A to the girl - no more no less - a glass to tea.
ofitsiantu became curious, approached, listen to a pier, explain as so...
GRUZIN:
-Panimaesh daragy, me the doctor told - lozhis to sleep on a hungry stomach, yes - and?.

*****

The Georgian () to the doctor comes somehow (d) and speaks: () - the Doctor! Otrezhte me
chlen! (e) - And what befell? () - Yes I as soon as will see the girl, it at mena
shirynku tears! (e) - Well let's tie him threads. In couple of days: () -
doktor! Ne I can so! Vse broke off trousers! (e) - Well let's try krepkuyu
verevku. After a while the Georgian goes down the street and sees the smart girl,
padayet on asphalt and begins writhes, the girl turns around and... -
ChTO happened?! To you it is bad?! () - LEAVE STEEEERVAAAA, VIVERNEEEET FEET!

*****

One Georgian to another and speaks:
-to Givi, a pashchim yours of dogs klyuvat my grapes comes? Yes it it not to peck
-, he to smell it? Yes let it yours h@y to smell
-, and not to peck my grapes!

*****

The Georgian comes to work with opozdaniyem.
u him sprashivayut:
-You why was late? I down the street Go
-, I see, the girl, buttocks,
kak a sweet peach, was necessary zaderzhatsya.
na the next day the same picture, too sprashivayut:
-You why were late? I down the street Go
-, I see, the girl, buttocks as a sweet peach, was necessary zaderzhatsya.
na the third day too was late, it and sprashivayut:
- And today that at you happened??? I down the street Go
-, three Azerbaijanians see... Well I have buttocks not a sweet peach, but it was necessary to be late...

*****

The Georgian comes to restaurant and tells ofitsiantke:
-to me at first the list of the blyudy!
ofitsiantka udivlenno:
-to you menu, perhaps?
-I you too, - are answered by the Georgian.

*****

The Georgian with six friends to the photographer comes somehow. Delayut
piramidu: four below, and three from above, speak to the photographer - remove. Nu
fotograf went nuts, but removed... Then build the second pyramid - now troye
vnizu, and four above. Remove a pier... The photographer removes and ves
zaintrigovanny asks:
- And for whom the photo, will send to the magazine any?
-Nat, is simple in ZhEK-e paprasyl a fatagrafiya to bring, and I zabil what,
toli 3х4, roofing felts 4х3.

*****

The parcel with fat comes to the Georgian in prison.
nayelsya the Georgian of fat also thinks, now I will treat the Jew, and for it then I will bang.
podzyvayet of the Jew also speaks: "Be treated than god sent.
" the Jew thinks I now I will eat fat, and then the Georgian will want me zhakhnut.
"Is not present, - speaks, - I do not want thanks.
" the Georgian of the Ukrainian Calls up then and offers it fat. The Ukrainian thinks now I will eat fat and the Georgian will want me to zhakhnut but when I eat force fat in hands will increase, somehow I will beat off, and let's fat bash out.
kogda the Ukrainian ground off all fat, the Georgian it and asks:
"Well as fat cool? Forces in hands increased?"
"yes", - the Ukrainian answers. "Well so hold the Jew now!"

*****

The wife home comes and speaks muzhu:
- The Magician, soon you, apparently, will be a father! You specify
-, Patya, "seems, will be" or "it seems, you"?!

*****

The little Georgian boy home, and speaks:
- The Father comes, to me today at school told that I am a Georgian. It's true?
-Yes synok.
- The Father, and you is a Georgian?
-Yes, synok.
- The Father, and my elder brother Givi - it too the Georgian?
-Is not present the sonny, he is a New Russian...

*****

The man comes to a tavern. The Waiter, an ebany crucian sat down for stolik:
-! The waiter through unlimited time brings the order. The man schifanit and opyat:
- The Waiter, an ebany crucian! Again executed the order. For the third time the man calls ofitsianta:
- The Waiter, an ebany crucian! There is a chef, huge gruzin:
-Listen, daragy! Here tebe a fresh crucian - eb him!

*****

The Georgian came to hospital. The doctor to it speaks:
-Undress, the patient! Wow! And why you have iron pants? I am protected by
-Ya from AIDS!
-A why standing is not present fingers?
-of Odyn of time an elastic band on pants burst!

*****

The Georgian came to shop and speaks: "The girl, give me big a kepk".
A the seller answers it: "Caps are not present, I can give you a papakha". He tells
A: "E the girl, the pas to a groin will be sick, give me a kepka".

*****

The Georgian in magazin:
-came Give me kilogram of candies "I You"!
-?
-of Lines! Forgot... These... "We it"!
-?
-Remembered: "It us"!

*****

The Georgian to ekstrasensu.
-Me came headaches torment. The psychic examined it and speaks:
-you in the head have a magic hair if to pull out it, any desire will be granted. The Georgian home came,
vydergivayet on volosku.
-sits I Want the Volvo car, I want the Volvo car. There was the last hair. The Georgian razjyarennyy:
- The Dagger to me in an ass! And... and... and...

*****

The woman came to reception to the sexopathologist. Comes into an office. The Georgian in a white dressing gown sits at a table.
zhenshchina: "The doctor when I have sex, I feel nothing"
gruzin: "Lozhytes on a couch." Carried out sexual intercourse.
G: "Well?": "I do not feel Nichngo."
G (shouts): "Try Goga, ides." The neighboring room leaves one more Georgian in a white dressing gown. The same carries out the act.
G: "Well?": "Anything".: "Yes a zhenshchyna, it is deysvytelno necessary for you to the sexopathologist..."
Zh: "And YOU WHO!"-: "... and we here krasy, white..."

*****

Two Georgians after a booze wake up. Took in head to freshen the nip them and one u
drugogo asks:
-Slyushay, Gogi, what this costs in a corner there?
-A this "Makuzani", daragoy.
-So let's it drink! Drank... Was not enough...
-of Slyushay, Gogi, what this costs in other corner?
-"Tsinandali", daragoy.
-So give and we will drink it! Drank... Was not enough...
-of Gogi, and is at a teba still shto-nibud to drink?
-Yes it seems net.
- And what this there in three-liter bank, and? To
-Yes this mi nassali.
-Slyushay, well give "Minassali", perhaps?

*****

Passes in Moscow (in the USSR) the international competition of tattoos on polovom
chlene. (on a head)
anglichanin shows: somewhere 15 cm in length it is also pinned roza.
applodismenty.
amerikanets: 20 cm the portrait zhenshchiny.
burnye applodismenty.
gruzin is also pinned leaves: 5 cm and three tochki.
sudya razocharovanno:
-Well that you dishonor honor of the country. Would send somebody another!!!
-of Padazhda, daragy - now he will get up and vi uvidite Tbylysa's vecherniya v
naturalnuyu size.

*****

The Georgian with a parachute jumped, flies. Time came to develop a parachute, pulled za
koltso - anything, the parachute was not developed. The Georgian gets a dagger, lowers trousers, i
so slovami:
-Teper ti me ne is necessary! - the member cuts off to himself. Bach, the parachute is developed here. I
gruzin with slovami:
- And teper ti me ne it is necessary! - cuts off a parachute...

*****

The traveler flies in the Armenian tavern and Kynzhyal in a zhep hosh shouts hozyainu
-to me something ostrenky and national and pobystrey.
-?

*****

Talk the Englishwoman the Frenchwoman and a dagestanka.anglichanka speaks:-I when married, told the John
chto to erase to iron and I will not clean, it was developed and left, I do not see it day, two, three, on the fourth appeared with
mashinoy which all a delayet.frantsuzhenka speaks:-I when married me, to the Pierre told that to erase
gladit and will not clean, it left, do not see it day two three, on the fourth appeared with car which all for me
delayet.Dagestanka speaks:-I when married to the magician told that to erase to iron and will not clean, do not see
ego day, two, three, four, on the fifth, the right eye slightly started seeing.

*****

Two talk gruzina.
-Gogi why your my donkey kukuruz pecks? He ne pecks
-, it is a nu-yu-hit!
-of Sem of hectares nyukhit, huh?

*****

Two talk gruzina.
-Here the car sebe kpil, such krasyvy tsvet!!!
-As sunrise?!!
-Yes, only the green.

*****

Two talk gruzina.
-How is Vano?
-, Which? Plant manager?
-Yes. it put
-in tyurmu.
-Vakh-Vakh-Vakh, and what with plant will be?
-A that with plant? In property of the state.

*****

Two talk gruzintsa
(1) Slyush, daragy, I am newer a way a ram rezat
pridumal,
(2) Well yesterday and how? Ania's
(1) ne object.

*****

The Raspostranenny surname of Lomidze in Georgia has the word in the root "Ache", chto
perevoditsya into Russian as "Lev". The action takes place in a small town, gde
prozhivayet only one man with a surname Lomidze. The lady in zhenskuyu
konsultatsiyu apropos beremennosti.
-Who the child's father comes? - asks vrach.
-gn. Lomidze - answers the lady. Next day other woman s
analogichnym the diagnosis comes and calls the father of the child besides Mr. Lomidze. Na
trety day the situation repeats, but the woman as you already understood, again the new. V
den the fourth comes the woman and the Doctor addresses to vrachu:
-, help, very much I want to have the child, but I cannot become pregnant in any way!
doktor investigates "patient" and speaks:
- At you everything is all right. Bring your husband. Brings. Husband okazyvayetsya
bolshoy beautiful Georgian with a surname Lomidze. The doctor asks the wife vyyti.
-Listen, Lomidze's long loaf, how so?
-E-e-e, darling, Lomidze in bondage ne breeds!

*****

The repatriated Armenian failed in a manhole. He broke a leg i
stonet, the Bandit abuses rabochego.
-! Why you did not put a precautionary red tag?
-A you when got in Naples on the Soviet steamship, did not notice on it takoy
bolshoy a red flag?

*****

Having decided to get itself glory, two Georgians bought an elephant. The elephant - an animal big, one apartment is not located with
V. Broke a wall and placed it in two kvartirakh.
odin the Georgian decided to save and not to feed an elephant, predlozhil:
-Let you will have that half which eats in the apartment! Through two nedeli
khitry the Georgian runs to sosedu:
-Will be enough, Gogi, is time to change half. Now I will feed an elephant!

*****

The Neptune decided to find the husband to 12 daughters and such that all mo
gudovletvopit. Stops the American vessel, calls the captain:
-Here at me 12 daughters how many you will be able to udovlet in a night?
-Tpekh.
razdolbal Neptune vessel. Catches the Frenchman, similar voppos.
-Six!
potopil ship. Catches gruzynsky tankep.
-Here I have 12 daughters how many you will be able?
-Trynadtsat...
-Ho at me their of everything 12???
-A that me baradaty too was pleasant!

*****

Two gruzin:
-You pidaras swear!
-A you twice pidaras!
-A you three times pidaras!
-A you, and you, and you at all not pidaras!
-That - about - oh, it I not pidaras?!

*****

The Russian man arrived to Georgia. Left hotel in the evening to walk, towards to it gruzin:
- There ne the courses, undress there! The man was developed in another storonu.
- There too ne the courses, there too undress!
-Where to me to go? - is surprised muzhik.
-ne the courses, zdes a razdevaysa Anywhere!

*****

Russian (R) goes across the Caucasus. The fork and the Georgian () sees. costs, the Dagger tochit.
zhivopisno so. - Ne of a hut on levo. Che's R-? - Paymayut, will undress, yznasylut! R-A
NA right? - Ne of a hut! Che's R-? - Paymayut, will undress, yznasylut! R. A directly? - Ne
khady! Che's R-? - Paymayut, will undress, yznasylut! R-A what to do that? - And you zdes
razdevaysya!

*****

The flying plate sits down on a female beach. Two get out of it. Them obstupayut
otdykhayushchiye.
-Oh, tell, and you have such beautiful all there? - The girl posmelee.
-tells Vse! Ho tarelka is only and Givi and at menya!