Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Germans

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Soccer Russia-Germaniya
match Russia-Germany in Moscow. Russians lose 0:3. On a tribune the upset veteran krichit:
-We in Stalingrad beat them, in Berlin beat, and you that?
sidyashchy nearby the Georgian turns and speaks:
- Then, ded, you had another trener!

*****

What do you do here, Michel? I Observe
-, from where Russians to come budut.
- And why to you it is the nobility?
-to warn the, in what party to run.

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Schr?der and Putin understand so well each other that the western Germans even had a hope that
vozmut Russian again the former GDR to themselves back.

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Examination in the German zyk. The teacher studentu:
-Tell "a frog
- The Ainu the moment jumps on a bog".... der a frog on der to a bog der flop, der flop, der flop.

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It not simply the joke, is serious sociological issledovaniye.
anglichanin: French - ladies' men, Italians - idlers, Americans - the village, Germans - obsessed, Jews - terrorists,
russkiye - bears, British - traditsiya.
frantsuz: British - bores, Italians - makaronnik, Americans - full lack of culture, Germans - goats, Jews -
obmanshchiki, Russians - Roma, French - continuous udovolstviye.
italyanets: French - splash pools, Germans - fighters remaining, Jews - shopkeepers, Russians - beauties, Italians -
pesnya, mainly neapolitanskaya.
nemets: Italians - a full fiasco, British - upstarts, French - talkers, Americans - Jews, Jews - not people,
russkiye - pigs, Germans - honor and doveriye.
amerikanets: Germans - rams, British - children, French - alcoholics, Italians - waiters, Jews - everywhere
prolezut, Ukrainians - liars, Russians - bandits without trousers, Americans - honor and uvazheniye.
evrey: British - anti-semites, French - a primitive, Germans - danger, Americans - the last hope, Ukrainians -
lokhi, Russian - Vanka, Jews - tactical hod.
ukrainets: Germans - liberators, Americans - jerks, Jews - speculators, Russians - Russians smelly, Ukrainians -
lyubov and svoboda.
russky: British - a walking rake, French - poseurs, Italians - morons, Americans - a world infection,
nemtsy - fascists, Ukrainians - Ukrainians smelly, Jews - a profession, Russians - destiny.

*****

- I in Germany was, 10 thousand brands in a week zarabotal.
-Well you, the brother, swelled up a little. Yes you for all life will not write so many letters.

*****

4 new Russians sit in a bath. One calls on sotovomu
telefonu, and after conversation the second NR:
-of That it at you such old model addresses to it? You see a scar on a hand? ON
U me in a palm vshit.
trety speaks:
- These all second-hand articles. I here go by the car, I dial mentally number, I tell
myslenno, mentally I put down a reciever. And any pomekh.
chetverty sat-sat, suddenly at it were stared and yazyk
izo a mouth polez.
-That with you?
- The Fax went...

*****

Napoleon directly from a saxophone, and in the end killed from "Makarov" vse
zerkala.
- And how it? You know
-, refused to me...
-Well yes!?? And what motive?

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And still a joke from life - we come, so on ulitse
uaytkholl, what between Vestmnistersky abbey and Trafalgar
skver to buy fish with potato fried, and us southern vida
prodavets and asks:
-From where, - speaks, - You are?
-Russian, - we emu.
-New Russian?

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- And what it, America?
-America - it as... office chair! Conveniently, functionally, everywhere rychazhka and ruchechka, it is possible to adjust under itself. But
skuchno.
-A what England?
-England - it as an old leather chair. Slow, heavy, s

*****

- And where are the new Russian?
- became the oldest Jewish.

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- And you too lie on nails? - correspondents u
rossiyskogo yoga.
- And that try to find out! As you will drink, so on what only you do not roll: on nails, na
bitykh bottles, under a fence, in a pool...

*****

Accident. the 600th Mercedes crashed into a skating rink. There comes the cop. Looks at a Mercedes, looks at a skating rink... Also approaches the driver of
katka. Well tell smart guy - as overtook how cut?

*****

Climbers go for the next conquest of Everest...
vzbirayutsya with the last bit of strength on top - and suddenly vidyat
sleduyushchuyu a picture: there is the 600th Mercedes all which freezed, and in nem
sidyat mobsters... fingers from cold absolutely svelo.
alpinisty in full nedoumenii:
-Men! And how you got here?
-As we got is our business here, and here that a bough, to us here an arrow hammered
kotoraya, about it still will strongly regret!!!

*****

Amerikanets:
-we had a case! The husband found the wife with the lover and killed him!
frantsuz:
-Just about same case. So it killed ten chelovek.
russkiy:
- At us at one man of the brother killed, so it all stranu
perevernul, we cannot still understand.

*****

The American, the Englishman and the Russian began to argue: at whom samyy
bolshoy the military samolet.
- At us, - the American speaks. - We can whole tankovyy
batalyon zagruzit.
-Ha, - there began an Englishman, - and we can fly up, having on bortu
eskadru torpedo katerov.
russky thought and speaks:
-Here, recently, we fly. The commander speaks to the fifteenth pilotu:
"Wan, drive in the 34th compartment - something buzzes suspiciously" .
NU there, Ivan on the motorcycle and drove... Hour through two the commander comes back i
dokladyvayet:
-Anything terrible! Simply the Boeing in a window leaf flew,
motayetsya round a bulb and buzzes, buzzes...

*****

The American, the Englishman and the Russian are praised that zastavyat
koshku to eat mustard. The American is enough a cat and zapikhivayet
gorchitsu for her in past.
-This violence! - protests russkiy.
anglichanin puts mustard between two slices of sausage, i
koshka sjedayet.
-It is deception! - the Russian then smears gorchitsey
koshke under a tail, and a cat protests with we howl vylizyvayet.
-Pay attention, - tells Russian, - voluntary and s
pesney.

*****

The American, the Frenchman and the Russian argued - who all more brave?
-We, Americans, on a lot play ten cars, prichem
u one of them is not present brakes, and we rush on the mountain road...
potom one is in hospital, and other nine it naveshchayut.
- And we at ourselves gather in France ten together, razygryvayem
desyat girls, and at one of them syphilis... Then odin
lozhitsya in hospital, and other it naveshchayut.
- And at us in Russia still whip nine: we tell in kompanii
politicheskiye jokes, and we know everything, what one of nas
stukach.
- And then?
-A then nine sit, and one carries them transfers.

*****

The Englishman asks zhenu:
-Tell, dear Margaret, you changed me in time nashey
supruzheskoy lives?
-Dear John, last year as you could notice, at menya
poyavilos a mink coat. As far as I remember, you to me it ne
pokupali.
-Sorry, dorogaya.
frantsuz addresses to the zhene:
-Tell, Zhanna, whether you changed me during ours supruzheskoy
zhizni?
-Dear August, last summer at me appeared "Sistroyen", na
pokupku which you to me money not davali.
-Sorry, dorogaya.
russky asks zhenu:
-Listen, Klava, tell me how on spirit, whether you za
nashu changed me joint life? You remember
-, Fedya, last summer at us yours were gone kirzovye
sapogi...

*****

Attributes new russkogo:
malinovoye a cashmere coat, 600 Mercedes, cellular telefon.
atributy new hokhla:
malinovye wide trousers, 600-ton salovoz and a tie on a forelock ot
kristiana Diora.
atributy new chukchi:
malinovye sledge and 600 doggies in a team.

*****

Banquet on the termination of the scientific congress in Moscow... Vstayet
predstavitel Italian delegatsii:
-I suggest to drink for Italian Marconi, the inventor of radio!
vstayet russkiy:
-Nifiga! I invented radio the Russian scientist Popov! Vypyem
luchshe for it!
vypili, sat... There is a representative English delegatsii:
-I suggest to drink for brothers Wright who invented the plane!
vstayet russkiy:
-Nifiga! I invented the plane the Russian engineer Mozhaysky!
vypyem for it!
vypili, sat... Foreign delegations conferred mezhdu
soboy. Rises frantsuz:
-we Will drink for French who the first invented oral sex!
TUT rises Russian and speaks:
-Nifiga! Still Peter I in one thousand seven hundred shaggy godu
govoril to the boyars: "I all of you in a mouth #бу, and see through! "
-by the way to Germans about a X-ray...

*****

The little boy runs. Steals a march, and here just on polnoy
skorosti the 6th Mercedes rushes. At the last minute manages obrulit
malchika, but crashes into a column. Soft-boiled Merce, the boy in shoke.
tut a door flies away towards and all gets out of the remains of a Mercedes zdorovyy
bratok, in chains, rings and other attributes. Looks round pritikhshuyu
tolpu, stops it on the little boy. Medlenno
k suits it (hangs):
-It you shchaz ran here?
-y - y - y - yayayayayayaya - and - and - and- And.....
-Well you run, a bratella - run behind cigarettes, do not break off!!!

*****

Conversation of two oligarkhov:
-Well, how are you, Mischa? You Know
-, few years ago I was in "Forbes" on the 13th place, then on the 20th, and now here on the 8th place...
-Yes, chatted you life...

*****

Conversation two new russkikh.
-Prikin, Kolyan, and I rode a water ski yesterday!
Well and how?
Da at the coast still anything, and further - absolutely an ambush: sticks to the bottom do not get!

*****

Two New Russkikh.
pervy talk: Vovan, in nature, and what for kenta such - Bach and Beethoven?
vtoroy: Well you are a sucker... They (cellular) write a music for mobile phones!

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Talk two new russkikh:
-You heard an old song about us?
-Is not present, and what?
-Yes that, in nature, from the comedy "Hand in Diamonds": "Weigh pokrytyy
zelenyyu, all!!!"

*****

The Frenchman, the American and russkiy.
- At us talk, - the Frenchman speaks, - it is considered a sign of wellbeing, you have
If a country house, a farm and lyubovnitsa.
- At us the country is richer, - the American speaks, - therefore priznakom
blagopoluchiya it is considered if you have two country houses, two farms and dve
lyubovnitsy.
- And at us, - are told by the Russian, - one pitchfork on two farms i
lyubi who is wanted!

*****

Exchange. From above windows on the hall - the room. Three brokera.
dvoye rush, on three receivers in hands, orut:
"Bring to two! take! Skidavay also hand over ten! Four down!... "
ODIN, pensively looking in okno
-Snow falls...
sekundnaya pause... SELL
-!!!!

*****

Barvikha, evening. At a gate of the huge house stand and two talk bratka.
okolo them the got lost "Zaporozhets", from there vyglyadyvayet
Driver stops:
-Men, to Moscow is necessary to me....
bratki interrupt conversation, exchange glances: We object
-He...
I continue conversation.

*****

Bratan:
-Well the doctor, you decide on the diagnosis: either I will live, or you will not be...

*****

- Why Tale goes so fast?
- because they are afraid to forget where they need priehat.
- And why are they so often stand on the sidelines?
- Forget ...

*****

The mobster on an abrupt Mercedes jumps out because of turn and at all forces down gaishnika.
bratello to it - and that and not dyshit.
chto to do? Lo and behold, the cemetery nearby thrown. It Guy in a luggage carrier and tuda.
nakhodit in a witness mark of the cemeterial grave-digger, gives it a hundred part of dollars - You supposedly dig so, that nobody nashel.
mogilshchik: "About what the speech, the commander, everything is executable in the best possible way. "
NU the brother on an arrow, then back and, such ambush, on the same turn again forces down the next GAI officer. To do
nechego - already blazed way on a cemetery to mogilshchiku.
a that already made business, sits drinks for the peace of soul. Bratella to the grave-digger: "Type, you that in nature - who so
zakapyvayet - look, it at you back got out! Here to you still a fifty-kopeck piece, but you that, try on the full! "
mogilshchik to it:" The commander, a slip left - shchaz everything is remediable" .
bratan left, and on the next post of GAI one inspector to another speaks:
" That is a gelding the 600th to and fro round a cemetery is wound, go learn" .
NU Guy went, found at witness marks of the grave-digger dozing, tired of works, started it shaking. That opened eyes,
gaya saw - made buldge out also its shovel on a head - hryas, with shout: "Yes you will calm down today or not!"...

*****

New Russians on the yacht in the Gulf of Taman thumped, drank expensive wine and drowned two amfory.
kogo behind them to send - long did not think...

*****

Thump new Russian it would be filled up in public dom.
-to me that... Everything we will make
- The administrator answers - Everything will be according to the highest category. Only it is necessary to place money in the beginning. The dachshund -
500 dollarov.
nr sticks out glaza:
-You che, went nuts, in nature?!! Let Doggy tr %% at your dachshund!

*****

- What would be if new Russians were in the late fifties? They would hammer with
- The Arrow, and the Squirrel would depart to space one!

*****

There was at me a colleague one - not the friend, and so, the friend. In Soviet period we worked with it at one enterprise, it is
zhil with the wife and the son in kommunalke
so all delights of municipal wars, quarrels, scandals. In the years of reorganization he steeped in business.
razbogatel, bought the apartment. A
potom, at the very end of the ninetieth, sold the apartment - the house bought. Well, not on Rublyovka, but too in a good place. And
nachalos. There were security guards,
sadovniki, governesses (for grandsons), drivers, cooks, laundresses, still some useful chelyad.
pri to a meeting the friend sadly to me said:
-Such feeling that I again live in a communal flat.

*****

In an abrupt tavern new Russians something note there,
kulturno whip a vodovka. One of them naklyukatsya already, lezhit
mordoy in a big silver dish with black ikroy.
podkhodit another, crack that on a shoulder: "How are you, Vasya? "
VASYA hardly tore off the head from a plate and speaks:
" Eh... Zhzhzhizn it ud-was given... "And again a muzzle in a dish.

*****

In business everything has to be fine: giving on Canary Islands and a lomberny little table in Monte-Carlo, 600th "Mercedes" and the yacht a
catamaran at French riviera, a control shot in the head and a monument on New maiden.

*****

In the rich person irritates not that he can buy you with giblets, and that it is not necessary for it at all.