Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lenin

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V. I. Lenin in four hands in a piano igral
bolshe so was able nobody.

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At restaurant the Georgian gives to the waiter hundred-ruble kupyuru.
ofitsiant attentively examines the note and asks:
- And why Lenin in a cap?
-A at us in Georgia everything walk in caps.

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The teacher of children on park during excursion conducts. Suddenly the hedgehog crept out of bushes.
uchitelnitsa asks at children:
-"Children who knows, what it for a small animal?" Children are silent!
uchitelnitsa to them podskazyvayet:-"Children, well remember about this small animal in each book it is written!"
TUT runs up at once to a hedgehog Vovochka and ironing shouts, - "And so you what, the grandfather Lenin!"

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Vladimir Ilyich overworked for - midnight, came off papers...
-of Nadenk?
-to Nadj - yu-sha?
-of Nadj?
-Nadezhda!
-Nadezhda Konstantinovna!
-Krupskaya! Croup
-!!
- Sleeps, a bough...

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Vladimir Ilyich loved national songs. Will sit down, happened, on a grass both poyet.
a and zakus to it in a tent children carried vodka.

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- Vladimir Ilyich what means your slogan "Study, Study and Study"?! What
- the slogan is I painted the handle!

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Vladimir Ilyich, structure came!
-Hmmmm... And with what, old man, structure?
- C sausage, Vladimir Ilyich!
-Ta-akk... And how many, the dearest, this structure went?.
- is Three months, Vladimir Ilyich!
- to Children, children, children!!!

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Vladimir Ilyich, what such socialist economy?
-Felix Edmundovich, tell, you have hairy feet?
- Well, volosatye.
-Very hairy?
- Very much volosatye.
-Nadezhda Konstantinovna, write down: "Comrade. In the winter - not to give out valenoks to Dzerzhinsky".

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Vladimir Ilyich! Participants of civil mutiny arestovany.
chto with them to do? To Shoot
-! But before it to give to drink tea. And by all means we heat.

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- Vladimir Ilyich, participants of the Kronstadt mutiny are arrested. What with them to do? To Shoot
-! But before execution to give to drink tea. And by all means we heat!

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Vladimir Ilyich, to you walkers! Yes, and what they brought
-, old man?
- Fresh rybki.
- And went they how many?
-Two nedeli.
-to Children, all to children.

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During revolution of the 17th year the sailor calls on telefonu:
-Hallo, hallo! Station? Station? Connect me to a reception Winter...
- Hallo, hallo! Reception? Connect me to the top floor...
- Hallo, hallo! Top floor? Top? I do not hear! Connect me to reception Lenina.
-Hallo, hallo! Reception?! Call please Vladimir Ilyich!
- Hallo? Vladimir Ilyich? How went on h%y?

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Vovochka strongly took offense when he was called the fool nabitym.
-Why filled? Than filled? - was perplexed on.
"And it is valid, than?" - You think every time, passing by the Mausoleum...

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The leader of revolution quickly went in napravlenii
tualeta. Towards Gorkiy.
-Vladimir Ilyich! I here wrote-
the book "Mother"!
ilyich snatches out the book from hands,
vyryvayet the page and the timely book runs dalshe:
-Ochen!

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The leader of revolution quickly went on Smolny in the direction of the water closet. Towards - Gorkiy.
-Vladimir Ilyich! I here, "Mother" wrote!
ilyich snatches out the book from hands, pulls out the page and Very timely book runs dalshe:
-!

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The worker Sidorov after heavy change at Putilovsky plant came back somehow and decided to please members of household - to buy them a water-melon. And here, so he bought a water-melon and home carries under the arm. Suddenly from round the corner the little man some plyugavenkiya and with a small beard the klinyshky runs out to it towards. And in a hand at it the hatchet gleams. Krichit:
- And well, old man, put a water-melon on zemlyu.
priznal Sidorov in volume to the little man of the leader of the world proletariat - companion Lenin, obeyed it and put a water-melon on the earth. And the little man ran up to a water-melon and hryas its hatchet rovnekhonko on two halves. Grabbed a half of a water-melon and escaped with a pleased smile for a corner. Here so Vladimir Ilyich Lenin shared a water-melon with the person absolutely unfamiliar to it.

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Volodya Ulyanov told Krupskaya that went to the mistress. Told the mistress that will meet new year from Krupskaya. And itself it was closed in a closet and wrote the Manifesto VKPB.

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Question on "cleaning": Whether
- Were fluctuations when carrying out the general line of party?
OTVET:
-Fluctuated together with the line.

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Lenin revived. In a week he received a call from Israel from relatives on the maternal line and filed documents to OVIR.
- Where you, Vladimir Ilyich?
-B emigration, old man. Everything should be started anew!

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Lenin revived and at once went to a pothouse to communicate to the proletariat. Workers stand, drink, and on the leader - zero vnimaniya.
-That it you, tovagishch working, do not recognize me!?
ODIN working oglyanulsya:
-Vanka, look, the chervonets RECOVERED!

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Memoirs old bolshevika:
-Vladimir Ilyich it is very good to konspirirovatsya was able. There is it,
byvayet, across London, Vienna or still where, by go people, look at it i
dumayut: "There is a gray, imperceptible little man... And kill him, and not budet
nikakoy October revolution!"

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- All work, Vladimir Ilyich. Would have a rest, went to the country, with devochkami.
-That's it, old man mine, with girls! But not with this political prostitute Trotsky!

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All work, Vladimir Ilyich. Would have a rest, went to the country, with devochkami.
-That's it, old man mine, with girls! But not with this political prostitute Trotsky!

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Meet Bush Putinym.
bush:
- At America unknown dostizheniya.
naprimer, we have professor, which mozhet
ozhivlyat the dead lyudey.
putin:
- At us too very big dostizheniya.
-long ago Where?
- Well, in sport, for example. We have an athlete,
kotory can run with a speed of 100 km/h Really? It is surprising, what progress v
nashikh the countries. Let's be obmenivatsya
dostizheniyami. We will send you our professor,
ON to you is indicative somebody will recover, for example, you to us send to Lenina.
a your athlete, we to it organizuyem
turne on Ssha.
dogovorilis?
vozvrashchayetsya Putin to the Kremlin gloomy, vyzyvayet
zubkova, explains situatsiyu:
-Well and where we will take such runner? Shame!
ZUBKOV:
-Yes anything terrible. If this professor
lenina recovers, at us to so many people with a speed of 100 km/h will run...

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Two blue, to one another speaks:
-Slushay meet, it seems to me, Vladimir Ilyich from наших.
- Yes well, cannot be, and how Nadezhda Kostantinovna
krupskaya how Inessa Armant? .
-Konspiration, old man, conspiracy...

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Two friends drunks meet. In such bedraggled jackets, the rumpled trousers, but at one on a jacket - the Order of Lenin...
ODIN drugomu:
-Now that's something like it! For what suddenly the Order of Lenin gave it to you? Yes, you understand
-, we worked here at the excavator... Well I also dug out incidentally a treasure, a trunk small. Opened - and there 4 Orders of Lenin... And under the law a quarter of a treasure - me!

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Entrance examination in history in universitete.
-What anniversary this year?
- Not znayu.
-you that, do not read newspapers, do not listen to radio?
-B our city is not present newspapers, radio.
-Yes from what it is the cities you arrived?
- From Mukhosranska.
professor - to the associate professor (silently): Remember
-A, we discussed just recently where to us to go to summer?

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The boy, on a foamy horse, towards the girl drives on the farm. It ey:
-I secret znayu.
-What??? Be given to
-, rasskazhu.
otdalas.
-I saw Lenin!!! That did he tell
-A?
- the Boy, I know secret...

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- What do you show movies about Lenin to us all the time, really anything good is not present? - addressed to Ovechkin being maloletki.
- And so far you will break the mode, I will show you movies about Lenin all the time, - answered zampolit.

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Vladimir Ilyich Dzerdzhinskogo summons and Ego:
-Felix Edmundovich asks, tell me only chestno:
vy sluchayanno x. y do not drochit?
Really, Vladimir Ilyich... And why me it is necessary for
FU!!
-A in vain, old man, in vain...
prepriyatnaya thing...

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1922. Armenian the Soviet Socialist Republic adopts the first constitution which includes also the description of the coat of arms of the republic. Turkey through Council of League of the Nations declares a sharp protest: Armenia has no right to represent the territory which is not belonging to it on the State Emblem (Mount Ararat located on right, Turkish, the river bank Araks meant) .
otvet the people's commissar Chicherin Turkish diplomatam:
-On the Turkish flag the half moon is represented, but after all the territory of the Moon does not belong to Turkey.

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1917. Lenin came to a bath. Free gangs are not present. Nearby the proletarian sits - in one gang washes, and other foot soars. Lenin - to nemu:
- The Companion, concede one shayechka!
- Went on!. Lenin departed, wandered, gang did not find and again podkhodit:
- The Companion, it not in a communistic way - at you is two gangs, and at me - any!
- Went on, and now as I will hit that gang on a bald head! In fifty years. The chairman sobraniya:
- And now will address you with memoirs the old worker who two times talked to Lenin!

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1919. Rabinovich is mobilized in Red Armiyu.
prikhodit the telegram from the wife: "It is necessary to plant potato, there is nobody to dig a kitchen garden" .
rabinovich - the wife: "Do not dig over, in a kitchen garden the machine gun" .
Wife - to Rabinovich is buried: "Came from ChK, dug over all kitchen garden" .
rabinovich - the wife: "Plant potato".

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Mountaineers discuss feats dzhigitov:
gorets No. 1: When Abdullah found the wife with the lover, drank a glass of chacha and killed both!
gorets No. 2: When Mahmoud was offended, he drank a jug of chacha and burned the house of the enemies!
gorets No. 3: Eee! What here to speak! There was a Dzhigit - Vova Lenin! I do not know how many chacha drank but as revenged the tsar for the brother!

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Let's drink, Vladimir Ilyich!
- Is not present, old man, I do not drink any more. I remember, somehow in the apgel were fitted,
zaneslo us the Finnish station, I vzobgatsya on a bgonevichok and such hyu
nes - to these pog we cannot gazobgatsya!

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Two old bolshevika:
-you Remember, Vasya how we took Winter?
- Hot was day!
- Yes, got excited...

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Children did not participate in Lenin's funeral because was very cold and he was afraid that they will freeze.

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Dzerzhinsky and Bonch-Bruyevich argued on a subject - that it is better to have: the wife or lyubovnitsu.
zhelezny Felix says that the mistress, and Bonch-Bruyevich says that the wife. Decided to ask Lenina.
-better to have both the wife, and the mistress, - Lenin.
-But as so, you, the old Bolshevik answered...
- very much pgosto. Jeunet told that went to the mistress, to the mistress told that went to the wife, and itself to library, and to study, study and study.

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Dzerzhinsky calls Leninu:
-Vladimir Ilyich when to shoot - to or after a lunch?
- prenepremenno till a lunch! And give lunches to children - deti
rabochikh starve!