Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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In 2003 in Russia very offensive jokes o
putine suddenly started appearing. FSB turned to work and as a result of investigation there was poyman
moskovsky evrey-yumorist.
-Hey you, the Jew, it you invented a joke, in which ours prezident
sravnivayetsya with a pig? - asked it on doprose.
-Yes, - will shy confess evrey.
- And how about a joke in which it is said, what date samoubiystva
prezidenta will become a national holiday of democratic Russia? Too I invented
-, - grievously You make a helpless gesture evrey.
-that, the rascal, - gets furious an efesbeshnik, - unless you do not understand na
kogo you threatened? Putin is a president of the great country, rukoDriver
yadernoy superstates, the leader of an orthodox civilization!
- Is not present, no! - the Jew began to fuss, and here to this joke I nikakogo
otnosheniya have no!

*****

In the Duma elections. Obyavlyat Putin's candidacy. Putin with avtomatom:
-Hands enters up... To lower one... Unanimously.

*****

As a sign of support of the Russian President Vladimir Putin residents of Nizhneputinsk suggested to rename the city into Verkhneputinsk.

*****

In Jordan Vladimir Putin visited Church of the Nativity. After that the press conference at which the local journalist asked Vladimir Vladimirovich at once two questions took place: when, according to Putin, the Second Coming of Christ takes place? And whether long Mr. Putin still will be the president of Russia? I will give to
-Ya on your two questions one answer, - told GDP. - I will remain the Russian president till doomsday...

*****

In the Kremlin, in a festive atmosphere, Yeltsin gave to Putin a small suitcase with nuclear knopkoy.
through half an hour Putin returns to Yeltsin a small suitcase and tells obizhenno:
"you it is necessary to waste in an outhouse, Boris Nikolaevich. The button does not work!".

*****

In shop of DVD disks objyavleniye:
"Sale! At the ridiculous prices! Only at us is following diski:
-Putin's Promises of I;
-of the Promise of Putin of II;
-of the Promise Putin Izbrannoye".

*****

In news peredali:
... the uniform assessment of a condition of armed forces of the Russian Federation was reached...

*****

In one of apartments of the city of Sevastopol Darling, of that it is audible cannon zalp.
-scorch there?
- Speak, today to us Putin arrived. The second is audible zalp.
-That, they from the first, perhaps, could not get?

*****

In response to a request of the Czech government for the help in heavy tekhnike
prezident Putin disposed to send the Tamansky division to Prague.

*****

In response to the become frequent complaints to overlapping of the central highways of the city Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin made the decision to go home on metro.
v communications with what the press service of Moscow Metro reports that today from 16.00 till 21.00 for passengers Arbat and Pokrovsk and Filevsky lines will be closed, and also all trains of the Ring line will be stopped from 17.00 till 21.00.

*****

In poliklinike:
-Why such big turn to the oculist??
- Yesterday the President told that welfare of the people grows in the eyes.

*****

In anticipation of presidential elections the Rasputin company let out novye
vidy produktsii:
1)
2 Two - Putin Vodka) "V. V. Putin"
A so zhe
3) "Putin - the second coming"

*****

In way useless Putin was entangled by prostitutes.

*****

V. Putin the next decree disposed to withdraw from sale in Moscow kolbasu
ostankinskuyu smoked and cutlets in a Kursk way.

*****

V. V. Putin told in the address that he has a black belt. And to it stockings.

*****

V. V. Putin, right after elections, calls the mame:
-Hallo, mother?!
mozhesh to congratulate me! I won presidential elections!
MAMA radostno:
-Oh! Honestly?!
- Mother, well though you would not pin up.!!!

*****

In a study of the chief physician of the Central clinical hospital on a wall Putin's fluorography hangs.

*****

- In Russia two troubles - fools and dorogi.
- And Putin with Medvedev? When I told
- about fools, meant not only you.

*****

In Russia two troubles: tandem.

*****

In Russia there is an election campaign. Three main politicians advertize the programs. Democratic candidate: I promise that everything who will support me, will live as in the USA! Communist: I swear that everything who will choose me, will live as in the USSR! Putin: If vote for me, some will live!

*****

In Russia two new political forces were formed: Putin's party and Medvedev's party. Unfortunately, it is not known in what of these parties Medvedev consists.

*****

In the Russian Federation for the first time the higher authority is transferred under the law...
... and in the last...

*****

In the interview of CNN TV company V. V. Putin declared that if the USA will not release Pavel Borodin, Russia will flood Mir station not in the Pacific Ocean, and in the fountain opposite to the White House.

*****

Due to the arisen uncertainty at counting of votes on elections Americans asked for technical assistance in the Russian Central Electoral Commission. For the USA took off Veshnyaki, and new data concerning elections in the USA are so far obtained: Vladimir Putin is in the lead.

*****

Due to Putin's inauguration the center of Moscow is blocked. Detour options: through the Czech Republic, Norway, Canada or any other normal country.

*****

Due to the planned Putin's flight in space, the ships for its protection feverishly are under construction.

*****

Due to the carrying out in the Russian Federation administrative reform, according to V. V. Putin's decree soon all ministries will be abolished, and their functions are transferred to four new ministries - truth
ministerstvu (the minister - M. Lesin), to the Ministry of the world (S. Ivanov), to the Ministry of love (N. Patrushev) and to the Ministry of abundance (S. Shoygu).

*****

In today's messages of news agencies there was a typographical error: instead of the phrase "Vladimir Putin asked not to cast the bust" it is necessary to read "Vladimir Putin asked not to cast From the bust".

*****

In Singapore Medvedev acquainted with work of "The electronic government" .
bolshe all president the question, where interested in system the Electronic Putin button.

*****

According to the Constitution, the government removed from itself powers before newly elected Prezidentom.
vo ceremony time the President confusedly giggled

*****

In the USA - a public debt and unemployment. In Italy and Spain - big crisis. Greece - on the verge of a default... Around the world there is no money - they disappear somewhere... Only Ramzan Kadyrov knows
I where they disappear. Allah raises money for Chechnya.

*****

In honor of the President's anniversary Petersburg representatives fine pola
sozdali youth movement "Lying Nearby".

*****

In Japan Vladimir Putin allowed the ten-year-old girl to show on him a throw through spinu.
yaponskomu to the government on a Kuril question Vladimir Putin prodemonstriroval
klassichesky is bright through @UY!

*****

- Your favourite poet?
-Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovskiy.
-your favourite writer?
-Vladimir Vladimirovich Nabokov.
-your favourite politician?
- Well how many is possible?!

*****

Sheets managed to interview exclusive the president. Putin
razotkrovennichalsya with journalists:
" Sergey Shnurov talented musician and singer. To it it is frequent voznikayut
pretenzii at certain heads of city administration that ispolzuyet
krepkiye words. But after all the mat is a part of the Russian culture... I consider,
chto in it is not present anything terrible. Besides he mine zemlyak.
my, Petersburg, - smiled Putin, - have to keep together." On vopros
korrespondenta about what song is pleasant most of all, prezident
smushchenno answered - "Summer residents. In rare hours when I leave on prirodu
pod a guitar often it with friends I will eat. It is pleasant still "When there is no money" .
vspominayu youth."

*****

- You trust in Putin's plan?
- Of course!
-A that such Putin's plan?
- Well it... um... when president all the time Putin!

*****

Vesti reported that Putin is revolted with appearance of Peterburga.
pri it, "Vesti" held back that even more Putin is indignant external vidom
gubernatora Yakovleva.

*****

Putin's visit to Germany. Since morning behind it to the residence Shreder.
zakhodit stops by in apartments and sees a strange picture: GDP costs, having thrust the head into the refrigerator, and presses to a breast the hot iron. Then podkhodit
k to a wash basin and carefully washes ruki.
shreder:
-??????
PUTIN:
-A-a-a, do not pay attention, mister chancellor. It is an old habit - remained from former service.

*****

Turned on to it the photon and neutron TV on mezona - and there Putin acts! About increase of a retirement age, it seems...