Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Putin on SU-27 attack plane over positions boyevikov.
samolet flies fire also a bullet having punched a covering gets to the button on "a nuclear small suitcase". Well from the center inquiry at once, at us with all the world and on whom specifically "to put" .
putin and tells a pier: here two fighters - Basayev and Hatab order pizza, whether it is impossible quicker with the order? The center asks, - and pizza what?
putin having thought: Two grades: "mountains in a smyatka" and "hatab-lukum"

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Lukashenko and Putin fly in the plane. Lukashenko asks Putin, what Vy
vladimir Vladimirovich think if the plane crashes where there is more budut
plakat in Russia or Belarus?
- In Ukraine, - are answered by Putin.
- And why? - asks Lukashenko.
- And therefore, - Putin answers that with us there was no Kuchma...

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Putin, Kuchma and Lukashenko fly in the plane. Unexpectedly the engine lights up, and the plane starts falling. All three look for saving means, but it appears that there is only one parachute on troikh.
lukashenko speaks:
-to Dawaiqie will arrange referendum. Hto pabedzit, that and will jump with parashutam.
kuchma and Putin agreed. It "was lucky", naturally, Lukashenko, and that jumped out with parashyutom.
samolet continues to fall, and Kuchma tells to Putinu:
-Something, Volodya, I will not understand: us here three was, and Grigoryevich won against us with advantage in 10 voices.

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Fly Putin, Yavlinsky and Zyuganov.
tut refuses the plane the engine, the plane starts falling, a parachute of all odin.
yavlinsky speaks:
-I Suggest to arrange ballot to whom will get parashyut.
ustroili. Putin wins, takes a parachute, speaks to all "farewell"
I jumps out from samoleta.
yavlinskiy:
-Well, the democracy is demokratiya.
zyuganov:
-I here will only not understand one how he managed to bypass us on 1800 voices?

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Horses on a crossing are not changed! - told GDP. "The government remains without changes!" All horses began to neigh enough.

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- My favorite proverb Vladimir Putin?
- from prison yes from sumo not promise.

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The Russian men of beer like to drink and to slaughter a goat! Putin with them popil.
a here refused to play beer
poetomu on the May Day dominoes flatly.

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People kind! Sorry, that I address to you...
(From the address of the President to the people)

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Makedonskiy:
prishyol, saw, pobedil.
susanin:
prishyol, saw, zabludilsya.
putin:
prishyol, still came, still I will come.

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March, 2000 - Russians elect Putin's president V.V.
aprel 2000 - Putin V. V. appoints Yeltsin's prime minister B.N.
MAY 2000 - Putin V. V. on a sotoyaniye of health resigns,
I.O. of the president is appointed Yeltsin B.N.
avgust 2000 - Russians elect Yeltsin's president B.N.
sentyabr 2000 - Yeltsin B. N. appoints Putin V. V. prime minister.

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On March 26 difficult vybor:
putin, Putin or Putin is necessary to the people of Russia again?

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On March 2 23.00
putin: Send to Red Square rather, and that electorate moknet.
medvedev: Wait a moment, to wet so to wet, itself spoke.

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March 2. From now on statement "Preved, Medved!" falls under deystviye
uk the Russian Federation - from three to five years for the President's insult.

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May 7. V. V. Putin gave to D. A. Medvedev the rank the People's artist of the Russian Federation.

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Medvedev on a visit at Putin, examines garderob:
-Wow, Vova, what cool suits at you, ties, hats! Only why to you worn women's dress?
- Is useful. You understand, Dima, I always think of the future...

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Medvedev complains Putinu:
-I wrote very tough letter of Yushchenko here, and he does not answer! I and on the video blog exposed it, and on a TV set its whole day drive, and the answer is not present!
putin is lazy otvechayet:
- And it sent me a strange sms: Vladimir Vladimirovich, at you, apparently, a lace was untied...

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Medvedev of Putinu:
-Vova, what you want on birthday?
- Well, I do not know... you already presented a presidential chair to me... what?.
medvedev in storonu:
-Well, did not present, and returned...

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International conference on questions of fight against poverty. The U.S. President of BUSH:
-to increase salaries, we plan to reduce discount rate and budgetary defitsit.
prezident Russia Putin:
-to increase salaries, we will arrest three oligarchs and we will confiscate imushchestvo.
kuchmu sprashivayut:
-Leonid Danilovich and what is necessary for Ukraine for salary increase?
- Five tons of paper and press.

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Menu prezidenta:
1. Paste from gusinovsky pechenki.
2. Apple, mocheny in sortire.
3. Juice Berezovsky.

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I change the submarine near the Barents Sea, on new televyshku.
v.putin.

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Mintimer Shaimiev complains foreign zhurnalistu:
-Recently the president Putin began us, governors, so strongly to clamp that some of regional managers, including me, already started thinking of suicide...
- Well, and what from this turned out?
- Yes anything, Putin flatly refused.

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It is possible not to click in vain the panel, -
ChTO the button - the state channel!
serial... Weather... Putin...
putin... Skis... Series...

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- Monya, I read on the Internet that Putin from the press learned about searches from oppositionists. It is surprising!
- of Izya, anything surprising: the wife too learns the truth about the husband from others.

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Moscow, Krasnopresnenskaya Embankment. Government house of the Russian Federation. On the second floor at an open window Putin sits and drinks tea. On the top floors Fursenko, Golikova, Serdyukov, Nurgaliyev, Sechin, Chubais's figures flash and prochikh.
na to a roof on a rope in an open window of the top floor the thief goes down. Classical such thief: hands in headdresses, in a mask, with fomky, a linking of master keys and a bag through a shoulder. Below watches idle time all this rabotyaga.
vdrug the thief breaks and falls from a roof on asfalt.
an abotyaga - to Putin:

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Whether to the Muscovite set question :
-results of elections in Georgia Are forged?
ON otvechayet:
-Putin's Popularity and the United Russia in the election days goda
na the business surpassed on December 2, 2007 all imaginable limits - while I went 200 meters do
izbiratelnogo site 5 of the people met by me, 3 neighbors and 2 shkolnitsy
po turns suggested me to vote for Putin as for most luchshuyu
kandidaturu. That NEVER was EARLIER!
I on this background of national love to Putin the mean tyrant SAAKASHVILI,
razgonyavshy peaceful demonstrations of the opposition by NATO troops so
slezotochivym gas and rubber bullets, allegedly managed to gain 53%, to
est only for 10% of voices it is less, than the United Russia!

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Courageous after all person Vladimir Putin. To it for anything sealed the third term, and he all the same finds forces to smile.

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The man in magazine:
-Give me that porcelain krysu.
-It not a rat, but Putin.
-Akhuyet! Then give two.

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Muzhik:
-Not for long I slept, probably … What now year?
-2412th …

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We will never return to Brezhnev's times! - Putin Told, hanging up on a wall the next red-white belt...

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Think Medvedva, before an inaguration: 1. I will rename police in militsiyu.
2. I will enter summer time.
3. Well, still chyo-nibud I will make.

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At a meeting in the Kremlin Putin explained to Novodvorskaya that in Russia there are also female toilets

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At a meeting with Gerhard Schr?der W. V. Putin talked in faultless German yazyke.
shreder it attentively listened, time from time raising hands and showing documents.

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At a meeting with the western correspondents to Putin set question :
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, whether you support Sharon's decision about vyselenii
evreev from Gaza?
lavrov whispers Putinu:
-By no means. Japanese right there will ask about Kurily.
putin:
-It is a Zionist action, and Russia categorically protiv.
lavrov becomes thin in the face. Correspondents ulybayutsya.
putin:
-Sorry, I made a reservation. It is an anti-Semitic action

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At a meeting with the Chairman of the Communist Party of China the president Putin, according to the concept of the multipolar world, suggested to organize fields on a place of New York and Paris.

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At Putin's meeting with the head of NATO, the Russian side dropped a hint of doubt in correctness of new missile defense. Also offered in exchange the roof.

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The other day across English Channel from North Korea there was a vessel with sugar freight. The vessel was stopped by the English authorities, having suspected that there hexogen, and hexogen do not find. Leaders of Russia and Great Britain were asked that they think about it. Vladimir Putin commented on this history so: "It is necessary to look for better!"

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At competition of the Eurovision there was an unpleasant incident. On a question of results of vote and distribution of places among participants, the Russian computer system answered: Putin, Putin, Putin...

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On "Mosfilm" the remake "A feat of the scout" .
glavny the hero - Vladimir Putin who in six years of presidency did not issue the plans is removed.

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At a forum in Davose:
-of Who is Mr. Putin? Still learn
-...