Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Know why Putin changed a face by means of Botox pricks? Because one person more than two terms in a row cannot hold the president's position.

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- How call Putin's dog?
- Monomakh's Small dog.

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And again jokes about Vovochka became political.

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- Also remember, Vova, - the goldfish told, is your third and last desire!
- Of course! - unperturbably Vova answered, considering a small fish in an aquarium, and thought: "But at Dima remained two more!"

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Both Putin came, and Golgotha, Lord's Temple, the Wailing Wall became deserted...

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And so young Putin!
I young Stagnation ahead!

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And here he became a President. As usual, pressed gazetchiki:
-Mr. the President, you know Europe, long lived there. Whether there will be a difference between your democracy and democracy of the West? To
-to you, newsdealers, give sensations. Will not wait... The difference will be insignificant, say, between two chairs. Chair usual and chair electric.

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Also Russia pleased Vputin!

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Ivanov, the minister oborony:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, at us here with the contract on nuclear missiles an embarrassment left: in the Siberian solitude, on point of strategic rockets one of lieutenants washed down with hard drinking and forgot to liquidate 20 strategic rockets!
PUTIN:
-First not the lieutenant, but the lieutenant general, and secondly while Russia drinks, it is invincible!!!

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There is a meeting of heads of states. Unexpectedly there is a Lord and speaks:
-Misters presidents, I have for you a news: in two weeks - the end sveta.
vse presidents came back home. Bill Clinton, making the weekly address to the American people, said:
- At me for you two news: one good, other bad. Good - god after all is. Bad - in two weeks there will be a doomsday. Vladimir Putin, addressing Russians, so said:
-Dear Russians! I have for you two good news: the first - god after all is, and the second - I will be a president to a doomsday.

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There is a meeting of the government. Putin - Tell Zurabovu:
-to us, please, when, at last, in Russia, there will be no the people who are living below the poverty line?
zurabov:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, by my calculations, years for two have to take rest all!

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There is Putin's inauguration. The announcer objyavlyaet:
-Take out a presidential standard!
ZATEM:
-Take out the constitution of the Russian Federation!
ZATEM:
-Take out the first president of the Russian Federation B. N. Yeltsin!

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There is Medvedev across the Kremlin. Suddenly from round the corner Putin with shout jumps out: "Gav!". Medvedev was dumbfounded from a fright. Putin:
-That, Dmitry Anatolyevich, was frightened? Sayechka for a fright!
Ha goes the next day Putin across the Kremlin, suddenly from round the corner Medvedev with shout "Gav!!". Putin fell and lies - neither is living, nor is dead. Medvedev was frightened, Vladimir Vladimirovich shakes him for plecho:
-... Vladimir Vladimirovich, what with you?
- That, Dmitry Anatolyevich was frightened? Sayechka for a fright!

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I go from work - Putin on plakatakh.
vklyuchil the TV - there Putin.
otkryl the newspaper - and there Putin.
boyus to lift a toilet bowl cover...

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There are two dogs on vybory.
odna asks: "You for whom will vote? "
A that answers: "Yes to me somehow all the same, - that for Gerasim that for Pavlov."

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Go across Moscow Putin, Luzhkov and the simple Muscovite, suddenly see on doroge
kuvshin - lifted him, rubbed and from there gin: I can tells 3 desires for
vas to execute on one on kazhdogo.
putin speaks - the pier want to be the UN Secretary-General, I will be most abruptly on the lake Zemle.
-to. tells gin - Putin ischez.
luzhkov speaks - give means make me the mayor of New York, I will be bablo
vozit tracks musornymi.
- The lake to. tells gin - Luzhkov ischez.
nu and you that the man? - asks dzhin.
tak Putin means dumped? Well yes.
I Luzhkov dumped
-?
- well yes.
NU give me a beer small bottle, perhaps.

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From the questions sent to the Conversation with Putin program:
"Dear Vladimir Vladimirovich! We very much highly appreciate your work as the Prime Minister. Whether there can ask you to be we on this post for about five years?"
question sent: Dima Medvedev, manager, Moscow

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From memoirs akusherki:
-It was very difficult childbirth. Vova Putin had to be pulled nippers... Now I understand: he already then tried to remain for the second term!

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From the annual message of the President Putin: Time of revolutions passed, it is time to pass to civil war, cleanings and terror.

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Whether from interview to V. V. Putin apropos gimna.
-it will be obligatory to rise at performance of the anthem?
-U of everyone will be a freedom of choice. Who will not want to get up, will sit.

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From the book "Who is Who in Policy" of years through dvadtsat:
gorbachev M.S. - the First President SSSR
ELTSIN B.N. - the First President V.V.'s Rossii
putin - the Second President of Russia, the Second President of the USSR …

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From news. On May 7 on inauguration Vladimir Putin was handed solemnly the subscription on the President's chair.

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From news: On Wednesday the Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin visited new maternity hospital in Abkhazia in which one couple of minutes prior to Putin's arrival twins were born. Named them, of course, Volodya and Dima. In spite of the fact that it were girls.

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From Putin's appeal to government Ssha:
uvazhayemye of the colleague. If at you as a result of blasting the Pentagon the part of classified documents was irrevocably lost, we can help you to restore them, having sent photocopies.

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- What is the Putin as president?
- This judoka playing hockey.

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From a series of stories "on one letter"
putin visits Peterbur
gpredvybornye of experience - the applicant arrived to visit Peterburg.
po of a way thought over devoted to St. Petersburg pre-election poslaniye.
pribyl - honors, congratulations, receptions - pridolbat. Went poobshchatsya
po-simple, before passersby. Made a greeting - prislushalis.
podoshli the smoked puteyets who became permeated with the smell then, the reek of alcohol. Kept silent,
poslushali, were trampled... Were put down. Putin accepted, poveselel.
poobeshchal tips. Puteytsa prostitutes, gays, other prostitutes were obediently promised progolosovat.
pribezhali, pogaldet, pomadno
potselovali. Putin posmushchatsya - the putanka nice attracted...
promolchal - a sexual heat pougas because of an empty purse. Prazdnik
propal. Seductresses halfblind ancestors porkhnut on brothels, shelters, on podvalam.
prikovylyali, listened, pokhryakhtel - confirmed,
progolosuyut. Drunk Pyotr Petrovich, potryas
portveynom came prazdnoshatayushchiysya, poikat. Murmured about devotion, peed pod
predvybornuyu a platform. Invited on simplicity of beer to drink. Poplakal
pro problems - Putin like. Promised to help. Petrovich lit up,
polez to say goodbye, pochmokat Putin. Putin spat - protivno.
potom the applicant got a bit tired, blotted the stuck locks of hair with a kerchief, poshyol
proch - to take a walk, provetritsya.
prokhozhiye straight on shelters - to have a bite, perenochevat.
potom voted. Received a clear victory...
PROChITAVShIY!!! Let's another esteem 1jj.ru!

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From messages of news agencies: From the Moscow pre-trial detention center "Butyrka"
sovershen the next escape. As it became known, for escape zaklyuchennyy
ispolzoval the certificate of the president of Russia. It agrees the first rezultatam
predvaritelnogo investigations, the president of Russia Vladimir Putin not imeet
k to escape of any relation. The consequence proceeds...

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Voters asked Putina:
-Where you will lead us? You I will not lead
-Ya, I will send you! - Putin answered.

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The election commission of the Russian Federation approved the bulletin on presidential elections, there are four options otvetov:
1. Putin
2. Vladimir
3. Vladimirovich
4. I have nothing against all above the listed candidates.

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It is known that Putin studied German. But at negotiations with Bush on Irake
reshil to manage without perevoda.
bush nachinayet:
-Mr. Putin, will not hide, at us serious political problems from-za
voyny in Irake.
putin in otvet:
-Ai Em of Putin.
bush was surprised, but prodolzhayet:
-Also in the military plan our guys appeared not at height. Now at nas
te problems what you had in Afganistane.
putin in otvet:
-Ai Em Putin.
bush again was surprised, but to a look not podal:
-As for the financial plan, this campaign costs to us namnogo
dorozhe, than we assumed ranshe.
putin in reply opyat:
-Ai Em Putin.
tut Bush not vyderzhal:
-That you mean? I know who you are!
putin, without changing in the person, bends to the sovetniku:
- And how it is correct to tell in English, what I PUT on all his problems?

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The Kremlin Nightingale publishing house published the collection of articles of Vladimir Putin published in the winter of 2012 in the Russian newspapers. The book received the name "Putin's Fairy Tales".

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Change of policy of the President Putin concerning Chechen boyevikov.
bylo: "To waste in the outhouse! "
stalo: "To Obmochit in a toilet and to amnesty!"

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- Izya, you will not believe, Putin listened to a voice of the opposition demanding to count golosa.
- And what he made, Monya? He gave to
-an assignment to OMON to count opposition on the heads.

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Inaguration Putin. Stand Putin and near him Eltsin.
k suits Putin Hakamada: "Vladimir... I am so glad... that you stali
prezidentom... I congratulate you... itd" .
eltsin pushes Putin sideways: "Slsh cormorant... it... gygyga... type it....
tebya wants...".

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Sometimes so there is a wish to lose confidence in the future … for example,
uverennost in an inevitable victory of Putin.

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Interestingly, and who the captain by that galley where Putin plows?

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The Putina.
-Internet conference B. B. to me ten million messages with one question came here: when raise wages? I think that it simply spam!

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To Putin's anniversary servile Mikhalkov removes film
"Mahatma Gandhi by galleys"

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As Vladimir Churov declared to means mass degradatsii:
"Any disorders against Putin in Moscow not bylo.
rabotala gang of hypnotists and ventriloquists".