Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Yeltsin ordered to the government to stop inflation, and Putin disposed to detain it and to put.

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Yeltsin: I was tired, I ukhozhu.
putin: I have a rest, I prikhozhu.
medvedev: I passed, I pass.

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If to trust a saying "About the dead - or it is good, or anything", our television wrote down Putin in dead men long ago.

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If all celebrities behaved, as Philip Kirkorov (it is based na
realnoy videos of a press conference of F. Kirkorov in Rostov-on-Don):
- * ----
1. Question of the representative of the Ministry of Taxes and Tax Collection of the Russian Federation (Ministry of Taxes and Tax Collection) k
pomoshchniku Mikhail Khodorkovsky: And here to that you already learned at г-н?
Ходорковского?
-*----
Ходорковский (interrupting): Illegal schemes of optimization nalogov
delat... I do not want that you photographed me in a fullface and a profile, vy
mne bothered, I am irritated by your gray suit, your foolish hairdress i
vash a dictophone... And? And?... Yes to me pokh@y as you report... Just as i
vy... I do not love nonprofessionals, here to do to nonprofessionals nechego.
vy that, want that I now left from here? I will not leave. I will not leave, potomu
chto I respect other your colleagues, and you will leave from here... Everything, took and ushel
otsyuda... Rose and left.
- * ----
predstavitel of the Ministry of Taxes and Tax Collection: You consider that it is normal...?
- * ----
khodorkovsky: Yes, I consider, - is normal. . Rose and left from here... Skhemy
optimizatsii taxes to it, whether see... Large number... Na
press-konferentsii to the leading businessmen of the country it is necessary prikhodit
podgotovlennymi, but not as you: yesterday - in shop pokupateley
obschityvali, and today - here, on the second row... In total, good-bye....
- * ---- event
dalneyshiya izvestny.
- * ----
2. The representative of the Union of Artists of Russia (UAR) to a journeyman of Zuraba
tsereteli: And here to that you already learned at Mr. Tsereteli?
- * ----
tsereteli: (interrupting): To do huge sculptures... I do not want, chtoby
vy from me the sketch did, you bothered me, I am irritated by yours bogemnyy
prikid, your moustaches and your easel... And? And?... Yes to me pokh@y as you menya
narisuyete... As well as you... I do not love nonprofessionals,
neprofessionalam could not be done here. You that, want, that I now ushel
otsyuda? I will not leave. I will not leave because I respect other your colleagues, a
vy will leave from here. . Everything, took and left from here... Rose and left.
- * ----
predstavitel SHR: You consider that it is normal...?
- * ----
tsereteli: Yes, I consider, - is normal... Rose and left from here... Gigantskiye
skulptury to it, whether see... Large number... On press конференции
к the best sculptors of the world should come prepared, but not so kak
vy: yesterday - on a fence drew, and today - here, on the second row...
Bce, good-bye....
- * ----
3. The representative of the Union of Writers of Russia (UWR) to Mikhalkov's secretary-referentu
sergeya: And here to that you already learned at Mr. Mikhalkov?
- * ----
mikhalkov: (interrupting): To write words to anthems... I do not want that you obo
mne wrote verses, you bothered me, I am irritated by your sundress, vashi
krivye feet and yours a notebook... And? And?... Yes to me pokh@y as you write...
Tak as well as you... I do not love nonprofessionals, nonprofessionals tut
delat have nothing. You that, want that I now left from here? I will not leave. Ya
NE I will leave because I respect other your colleagues, and you will leave from here...
Bce, took and left from here... Rose and left.
- * ----
predstavitelnitsa SPR: You consider that it is normal...?
- * ----
mikhalkov: Yes, I consider, - is normal... Rose and left from here... Words k
gimnam to it, whether see... Large number... k
vydayushchimsya poets should come to press conferences prepared, but not as you: yesterday
-for cards verses scribbled, and today - here, on the second row... Everything, appointment
DO....
- * ----
4. The representative of the Organization for safety and cooperation in Evrope
(OSCE) to the executive officer of the President of Russia: And here to that you already learned on Putin?
- * ----
putin: (interrupting): To put oligarchs in prison. . I do not want that vy
menya filmed, you bothered me, I am irritated by your suit ot
ugo the Boss, your espionage ugly face and your tiny video camera v
pugovitse... And? And?... Yes to me pokh@y as you remove me... Just as i
vy... I do not love nonprofessionals, here to do to nonprofessionals nechego.
vy that, want that I now left from here? I will not leave. I will not leave, potomu
chto I respect other your colleagues, and you will leave from here... Everything, took and ushel
otsyuda... Rose and left.
- * ----
predstavitel of OSCE: You consider that it is normal...?
- * ----
putin: Yes, I consider, - is normal... Rose and left from here... Businessmen ya
presleduyu, whether see... Large number... k
glavam the states it is necessary to come to press conferences prepared, but not as you: yesterday
-spied against Russia, and today - here, on the second row... Everything, do
svidaniya....

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If in the Kremlin light burns is at night Putin works. If light does not burn - Chubais works.

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If to place GDP portrait in a salary and in a place of honor to hang up, the patriarch will not condemn?

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If I correctly understood something, Union of Right Forces party it is necessary nazyvat
"the Union of Putin Servants".

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If Putin goes to the third presidential term, all TV reporters will work on two state kanalakh:
udachlivye at the First, unlucky - on Belomoro-Baltiysk.

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If V. V. Putin was capable of distinguished revenge, he would award the order to Valeria Novodvorskaya of "Marriage" of the first degree.

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There is at Putin a gunpowder in powder flasks and languages in buttocks.

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One more reason for which Putin - ours prezident.
v his persons united two favourite characters of jokes - Stierlitz and Vovochka.

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- How it is Putin led party, without being her member?
-A that such? The shepherd heads herd - and who he will tell it the member?

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The wife of Putina:
-Only I can feel approach of the end of Russia.

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Zhirinovsky wanted to take away the wife at Putin. On the coast Indian okeana.
vse looked at it because of columns, looked... Suddenly was ashamed of the desires. "Putin, - thinks, - a mirror of the Chechen war, and I am a pig" .
poshel, kneelt before it and speaks: "Putin, where your dagger?
VOT my breast". Putin very much laughed.

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The Time magazine called Putin's dog suky years.

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Z1 of December...
AZh sssssamomu is terrible..., - Volodya Putin thought, signing the decree on ten days off...

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V. V. Putin received for fight against Mediamost holding 9 is given on karate...

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- You for whom on Putin's elections will vote?

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For love to toilets Japanese lodged Putin in the KAKISAKI palace.

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Some days before a new socialist revolution. GDP approaches the portrait and speaks:
-Eh, I feel, soon us about hundred-fight will remove!
A to it otvechayet:
-It me will remove a portrait. And you will be hung up!

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- Miners went on strike!
- to Pay out to miners a wages!
- Went on strike teachers!
- to Pay out a wages to teachers!
- Went on strike collective farmers!
- to Pay out a wages to collective farmers!
- Went on strike at the same time mine

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TREASURED MECHTY
MECHTA suicides: To jump from the Eiffel Tower and umeret.
mechta Zaporozhets: To strike the 600th and utselet.
mechta Chernomyrdin: To tell something and that to all ponyat.
mechta Putin: To pit on Gusinsky's ring against Berezovsky,
A then against Tyson and posmotret.
mechta the new Russian: To catch a goldfish and on tsep.
mechta fatties: To get drunk cakes and pokhudet.
mechta the rural little girl: To oversleep with all village and not zaletet.
mechta the hurting: To eat all registered tablets and not poplokhet.
mechta the polygamist: To obtain 5 wives and any mother-in-law.

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AZLK plant at numerous requests of officials "Prince Vladimir" in "Prince Vladimir Vladimirovich" decided to rename make of the car.

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The made-up Putin earned already two gold on olimpiade.
a that you made for the country?

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Putin signed the contract on a complete elimination of all nuclear missiles with Clinton. In a month Clinton calls Putin and speaks:
-Know, Vladimir, I deceived you, kept in secret mine of 10 strategic rockets! You will obey me in everything now, and that will be bad!
putin sits in nasty mood, here Sergeyev and speaks:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich suddenly comes, at us here with the contract on nuclear missiles the embarrassment left: in the Siberian solitude, on point of strategic rockets one of lieutenants washed down with hard drinking and forgot to liquidate 20 strategic rockets!
PUTIN:
-First not the lieutenant, but the lieutenant general, and secondly while Russia drinks, it is invincible!!!

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Entertaining people Petersburgers: icicles cannot force down, and to operate Russia - easily!

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The western journalists ask Putina:
-you watch creation of civil society?
-Ya is more than ten years anybody I do not watch!!!

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Meeting of Council of ministers. Putin.
-Companions acts. I must tell you the truth. Situation in the country is simple hu@voye.
golos from zala:
- And you do not embellish?

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Bush, Chirac and Putin at whom soldiers are more hardy began to argue. Solved, let from each country will send on the soldier for proverki.
na the next day gather, first of all approach the American marine. Bush is developed also to him to straight lines in a jaw - a bang!
TOT only pomorshchilsya.
bush it asks:
-is sick?
- Yes, Mister President.
- But after all you suffer?
- the American marines can bear everything! Well done! of
togda Chirac takes
- from the chief of a guard of honor a sword, approaches the French parachutist and a sword to it in a shoulder - time! That grits the teeth, but stoit.
shirak asks:
-is sick?
- Oui, Monsieur le President.
- But after all you suffer?
- Parachutists of France despise pain! Well done! of
TUT Putin takes
- from the security officer the gun, approaches our tell-tale and it in a foot from the gun - women! At that in a boot a hole, and itself even not pomorshchilsya.
putin asks:
-It is sick?
- is not present In any way!
BUSh with Shirakom:
-Well a horse-radish to itself!
putin shines. Then approaches the soldier and in a whisper on an ear emu:
-Che, directly it is not sick at all? Well done! I will thank
-He-a.
-in prikaze.
-Officially And it is possible for me still boots normal? And that I have the 40th size, and we have in a warehouse the second year only the 45th.

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin comes into shop, osmatrivayetsya:
-to me, please, in - about - it is that bust of Vladimir Vladimirovich of Putina.
-It is porcelain krysa.
vladimir Vladimirovich Putin took offense: white fur on its nape vstal
dybom, red beads of eyes ominously darkened, and moustaches ugrozhayushche
vstoporshchilis.

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Vovochka in book magazin.
-comes Give me the book of our leader "My fight"!
- You that, Vovochka, is the forbidden book, we such do not sell!
- Well as... Costs - Vladimir Putin. Judo.

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Kasyanov to Putin and speaks:
" Vladimir Vladimirovich comes! Price of oil again fell. Inflation grows!"
" What to do?"
putin otvechayet:
"Mikhail, you did morning exercises today?"
- "Was engaged" in
- "And on a tatami were?"
- "Was"
- "Mountain skiing rode long ago? Here see"
-"Long Ago …"
-"To what weak physical preparation dovodit.
znachit so - take group of the Moscow homeless children and in Davos. On lyzhakh
pokatayetes and world economy the next threat of terrorists-maloletok
s of the East will stir up

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Why to Putin pre-election time when it has a Time program.

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Bush calls Lukashenko and asks: "Well though you, can explain me mysterious Slavic soul why you "cannot go by windows of the mother-in-law joking apart?"

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Yeltsin calls Putinu:
-Volodya! Something on the TV tennis was not shown long ago...
- Not the question, Nikolaich, watch at TV-6 frequency in the morning!

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Zvonok.
-Putin it is possible?
- It pereekhal.
-Whom?

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Call to Putin from the Coca-Cola company: Forgive to
-, and whether it is impossible to return to Russia a red flag, only below in small print to start up an inscription: "Always Coca-Cola"? GM-m
-, I need to consult to the government...
putin puts down a reciever, Kasyanovu:
-Hi, calls you do not remember when our contract with "Akvafresh" comes to an end?

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- Hello, with you tells an answering machine of administration of Putin!
SAMI you are goats and we your Russia prodavali.
na a horse-radish it to anybody was necessary to anybody!
I about any Swiss bank accounts we not znayem.
i as at you is eno

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- Hello, Dmitry Anatolyevich!
- Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich!
- That we so officially?! Hi, Dimon!
- Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich!