Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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On ekskursii:
-Now we are in the former office of Putin. In its distant end the former table of Putin is located. The former assistant to Putin sits at it. And it is faced by former Putin.

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National sign: If in a toilet the wet Chechen sits - means, before Putin visited there.

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Putin's train approaching behind dispersed an asphalt spreader and a skating rink to the speed of 200 km/h.

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- It is necessary to write upward! To whom to write
-A: to the president, or at once - to the prime minister

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FSB ran into "Media-Most".
A Putin as if is also not aware. Dials number of the spetsnazovsky chief brought with himself from Pitera:
-To what business, Mishanya?
I hears in otvet:
-you told that it would be quite good also to start drawing the Moscow bridges!.

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On the eve of Putin's visit to hospital, the Chief physician comes into a mortuary and asks at dezhurnogo:
-From what these are all trupak at you smile?
- You ordered to be prepared if in a mortuary the prime minister suddenly glances.

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At last the era of bald and mean lie when inspired in us ended that the national sport is a bourgeois tennis. We always knew the truth and believed that our national Russian sport - JUDO.

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Our Russia and Russia in a kilometer radius from Putin are absolutely different countries.

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Without waiting for February, Putin presented to senators a Valentine's Day card.

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- Why you do not accept Putin?
- is difficult to find work, without having experience, the prices grow, the rent grows...
-A in the 90th was better?
- of Any problems! In kindergarten has breakfast, played and to sleep!.

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Lie that in the government only dishonourable people work. Let's be objective. There are still incompetent.

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- Why do none of the western politicians kissing Putin?
- Because they have to bend over backwards for this.

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Bad I cannot tell anything about VV, but! What order can be v
strane where the president is "Vovochka - the son Vovochki"!

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Poor pensioners agreed with the proposal of deputies from United Russia Party to rebury Lenin's body but only provided that on his place Putin will lay down.

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New advertizing "Stimorola":
Ha the screen - Putin:
-If we will find terrorists in a toilet, and we will waste them in the outhouse...
TITR: It is SOMETIMES BETTER to CHEW, THAN to SPEAK.

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New Russian saying: Putin to be afraid - not to go to a toilet!

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The newly elected president Putin resolutely was engaged in a reorganization of Rossii.
on breaks off with heritage of the past and burns for himself mosty.
pervym the burned bridge there was "Media-Most"

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News from the world of new technologies. The GPS navigator of Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin himself asks where to go.

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News from Russia. Yesterday Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin made everything correctly.

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News church zhizni.
vladimir Putin is ranked as a face of velikomuchitel.

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New Orleans is flooded, Al-Qaeda seized the whole city in Iraq, Rossiya
vdesyaterom stood against Portugal, Sharapova of all wets, Timoshenko
ukhodit in resignation...
putin sits in the Kremlin and feverishly shepchet:
-Pret! Pret!! Pret!!!

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The new president of Russia will make the first foreign visit v
velikobritaniyu. In the Windsor Castle will take place 40-minute beseda
s its Velichestvom.
bozhe, store the queen!

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Well how many it is possible to earn only on export of raw matherals! - was indignant prezident.
i adopted the law on import of radioactive waste.

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Putin on a bottom of the sea dives and finds two amfory.
na to the coast there he gives one amphora to Medvedev, another right there otkuporivayet.
iz it the genie with voprosom:
-That takes off my master wishes?
- of the Third term!
- Will be sdelano.
medvedev with the words "oh, it is healthy" opens the amphora. And there iPhone3 lies.

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Obama tells Putinu:
-Know, Vladimir Vladimirovich, many Russians sits in our prisons!
PUTIN:
-Ah, Barack... On our potato fields of Americans sits many times more!

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The announcement in administration prezidenta:
"I Change two tennis rackets for a kimono!".

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The announcement gazete:
pomogu with a fast re-registration of large business in small enterprise. V. Putin

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The announcement in the newspaper: Hereditary, in the third generation, the witch doctor-official of the higher executive power will bring down actions and capitalization of ANY Russian kompanii.
nalichiye the foreign capital - not a problem!!! A top from investors forever! The guaranteed section of property until the end of the tax period! I will start talking the owner on failures and tailoring of mittens. Remote compulsory cleaning by doctors of all questions. Cheap. Repeated imposing of a damnation is much cheaper. Public guarantee of 200%!
vladimir Vladimirovich. Kremlin.

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The announcement in German gazete:
menyayu second-hand East Prussia on B. at. Estonia, Latvia and Litvu.
obrashchatsya: Moscow, Kremlin, V. Putin

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Objyavleniye:
na the next day after Putin's elections will take place a festive banquet in Kremle.
menyu of a banquet: pineapples and hazel grouses. All bourgeoises are invited.

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The announcement on stene:
v a case of a successful completion of Putin reforms I change two TVs for one good radio receiver.

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One man made the will that after death it was frozen and woke when the immortality problem is solved. Froze it, woke. He lies in a bolnichka, has a rest.

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One official - drugomu:
-Heard, the president spoke about modernization, innovations, introduction of new technologies?
- Heard. And what it means?
-A that to us now the bum will be licked with some there by pribambasikam.

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One official is interested at drugogo:
-You as consider, Putin nevertheless will go to the third term?
- If it will not go to the third, we with you will pull the first.

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Once Boris Yeltsin called for himself the colonel Putin and asked: "President Bush?" .
He razobrashis with diction, Vladimir Putin not only itself became the president, but also made by him George Bush.

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Once Zhirinovsky dressed up as Putin and came on a visit to Yavlinsky. Whether Yavlinsky seated him in a chair and treats empty chayem.
"Will believe, - speaks, - the piece to sugar in the house is not present. Recently Zhirinovsky came and all ate". Zhirinovsky told nothing to it, but looked so that Yavlinsky spoke then to all about fast approach of KGB terror.

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Once Vovochki's mother saw that he smoked in sadu.
i after that Vovochk's case made the promise never kurit.
tak he made promises before and after presidential vyborov.
no constrained only the first.

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Once Ella Pamfilova went on Tverskoy Boulevard (in the look) and met Putin. "Hi, Putin, - speaks, - that you yes verses write all verses? Give together prose we will write". "Prose only............ well", - Putin objected.

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One of the main priorities of the foreign policy of the Acting President of RF
V. Putin called care of compatriots in Near Zarubezhye.
s indispensable subsequent cleaning...