Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin so liked inauguration in presidents of the Russian Federation that he bought household mechanical INAUGURATOR!!!

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, in Astrakhan hunger strike. What measures to take?
- Send them something to devour!

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich! All archaeological world guesses: how to you, from the first dive, so precisely, it was succeeded to establish where these amphoras lay??? I Will be short
-. In the beginning I worked at one galley. Then it drowned...

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, your sign fell!

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, I have two news, good and plokhaya.
-Begin with horoshey.
-Anti-submarine rockets "Facets" work perfectly.

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Vladimir Vladimirovich!
chtoby to you every time not to pass a tiresome inaguration, we for you thought up special mobile servis.
vam it is necessary to send the SMS to number 99900 with the text "inaguration" and it is automatically activated within 24 hours.

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, you where go? To e%at
- of WOMEN.

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, before elections you told that one does not swap horses while crossing the ford. And changed all ministers!
- You consider ministers as horses?

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin unexpectedly visited supermarket.
kassirsha for excitement baked thoroughly products the anthem of the Russian Federation.

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, following the habit to make neordinarnye
postupki, arrived to orphanage for mentally retarded children.
navstrechu malchik.
vvp:
-You as call, the boy?
malchik (nasally): I do not know
-!
malchiku is prompted: "Vasya! Vasya! "
malchik:
-Vasya!
VVP:
-Well done! And what today day of week? I do not know
-! As call
VVP:
-A mother? I do not know
-!
VVP:
-A where you are? I do not know
-!
VVP:
-A I who? You know? I Know
-!
(Around revival: Well, the good fellow, knows Putin!!!)
VVP:
-Who am I?
malchik:
-Brand new!!!

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, how many will be twice two? I Will be short
-. You know, literally the other day I was in the Russian Academy of Sciences, led discussion with many scientists, including young, by the way, very competent children. And so we di

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, on figs to us Syria with Assad?
-U us there military baza.
- And on figs to us this military base?
-U us there Assad.

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich why you do not want to transfer the capital to St. Petersburg? Know
-, it is good to have a lodge in the village...

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, miners strike!
- urgently to pay out to miners a wages!
- of the Teacher strike!
- to Pay out to all teachers a wages!
- Went on strike physicians!
- to Pay out a wages to physicians!
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, we

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, why do you have wet pants?
- soak in the toilet ...

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Vladimir Putin comes back to the Kremlin mad as hell. Meets Medvedev and begins zhalovatsya:
-Here, - speaks, - I was passed in the subway. All people abuse our prime minister, laugh at it. They say that our prime minister - a brake and the untalented person. It is necessary to dismiss this freak nakhren! How long it will dishonor us?!
-Vladimir Vladimirovich... Even, I do not know as to tell... Seem, it you at us now the prime minister - the minister...
- of Upsss... Forgot... You know. Badly still we conduct explanatory work. The people in the head have any nonsenses.

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Vladimir Putin will hardly be present at the summit of alliance NATO at Chicago
- that will keep for Al Capone a title of the most large-scale mafioso in the history of the city.

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Vladimir Putin issued the new decree - the winter in Russia is cancelled!
inache the president Medvedev can fall into hibernation...

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Vladimir Putin somehow zadumalsya:
-Is not present, something we peremudrit with this replacement of privileges...
VOT I, for example, - across Moscow go only on red, and speed not less than 120. It not by rules, but is my transport privilege, it is necessary to me as to the president... Here, for example, if this privilege to take away
Ho, and to replace with monetary compensation... It that leaves so to go, it is already necessary to PAY me to each counter GAI officer on a hundred part of dollars?

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Vladimir Putin, Igor Sergeyev, Anatoly Kvashnin and Sergei Ivanov sobralis
na meeting on an occasion of destiny Russian army.
- And why we have so hu-vy army? - Putin.
-Yes here, hu-vy took an interest, however, - defined Sergeev.
-Yes, that do not speak, hu-vy, - Kvashnin.
-assented to Conversation is not present, hu-vy, - Ivanov summed up.

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Vladimir Putin subscribed for Yandeks-Probki.

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Vladimir Putin confirmed that is the firm supporter of freedom slova.
"We freely will catch all of them!" - the president promised.

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Vladimir Putin emphasized that Russia joined the relevant protocol which forbids application of the death penalty, but reserves the right to wet in toilets.

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Vladimir Putin builds the new mausoleum in which it and Dmitry Medvedev will lie in turn on Red Square.

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin so liked an inaguration in Russian Presidents that he bought household mechanical INAGURATOR!!!

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Instead of a power vertical at us constructed a pyramid in which center the justice mummy is based.

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- In what the patriarch Kirill trusts?
-B of Putin father, Medvedev son, and sacred Naryshkina.
- And in whom Putin believes then? He believes
- in himself...

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During the first visit of Jerusalem Putin thrust a note into the Wailing Wall and heard a voice from there: "At me is not present so much". Therefore it was necessary to visit Jerusalem repeatedly.

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- Around the world celebration of the Irish St. Patrick's Day enjoys wide popularity. This hero freed Ireland from zmey.
in due time That distinguishes him from the esteemed Russian sacred a little - Putin who exempted St. Petersburg from rats … .
H

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In order to avoid further confusion with the anthem on music of Aleksandrova
prinyat the anthem in the first edition, having replaced surnames "Lenin" and "Stalin" of
NA "Yeltsin" and "Putin" sootvetstvenno.
2.) To forbid to be elected further to the Russian President's position to people,
chya a surname consists does not consist of two syllables with an accent on pervyy
i does not come to an end on "- in".
3.) For consolidation of society to allow variations in klyuchevykh
ideologicheski the painted words, as that "communism". Persons interested at penii
mogut to replace it with "capitalism" or "liberalism", as nikakogo
realnogo values it not imeet.
any more - * ----
prilozheniye: a fragment from the text new gimna:
- * ----
skvoz of a thunder-storm shone to us the sun of freedom,
Ho Yeltsin great to us the way lit up,
Hac Putin on fidelity to the people,
NA grew up work and on feats us vdokhnovil.
slavsya, the Fatherland our free,
druzhby of the people a reliable stronghold! Putin's
partiya - force narodnaya
nas to a communism/capitalism/liberalism celebration * conducts!

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- Vovochka, you whom want to be when grow up?
- President, Mar Ivanovna!
-of Vovochk, but for this purpose it is necessary to study!
-Mar Ivanna, do not dry to me brains! Yesterday registered on I dzyu-do.
nakachatsya, I will kill all, I will w

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Vovochka came to psychiatric hospital, so there and remained - hospital attendants do not understand policy...

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Putin in 2012 comes back to the Kremlin. There is along a corridor, vstrechayet
sergeya Ivanova.
putin:
-How are you doing? What progress?
IVANOV:
-Yes here, Vladimir Vladimirovich.... the nanogun was invented!
PUTIN:
-Wow! Kruuuto! And it is possible to shoot?
I: - Please!
P: - And where?
I: - And - Chubais goes - in nego.
p: - Why in it?!
I: - Yes the horror bothered all!
P: - Well... Bach-bakh!
chubays goes dalshe.
bakh-ba!
Bce is equal idet.
p: - And that it it does not fall???
I: - So after all it... the nanogun leaves nanoholes...

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Putin from komandirovki.
Wife from a threshold comes back: "Vova, take out garbage! "
Ha the following Minister of Internal Affairs was dismissed.

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- Volodya, you that such gloomy?
-Dima, here I think, as if to lift the rating... Give
- I I will give the law to the Duma for consideration about a ban of right houghs!
- So revolt will lift the people!
- Well here and well, and you this law

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Generally Medvedev was lucky, he got off light: its otinaugurirol only once. And here Putin of an otinaugurirola three times - everything, the disabled person.

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Question Armenian radio:
-If something the general between Khodorkovsky and Putin?
OTVET:
-Everyone winds the srok.
- And whether there are distinctions?
-U of Khodorkovsky - term the first, at Putin - the second

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The question Armenian radio:
-What political joke is recognized in Russia as the most dangerous?
- the Joke about Putin's widow.

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Whether question epokhi:
puten Putin? Or Demon Putin?