Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Here also motor rally of yellow Lada "Guelder-rose" ended. Putin gave her to representatives of plant, shared impressions, let out from a luggage carrier the head of AvtoVAZ …

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All know that Putin strenuously was engaged dzyu DO.
A here interestingly, than he will be engaged after.

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All references containing curses to V. V. Putin will be removed on request of his wife because of copyright infringement.

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All of you well know, chto
lenin was lysyy
stalin - with volosami
khrushchev - lysyy
brezhnev - with volosami
andropov - lysyy
chernenko - with volosami
gorbachev - lysyy
eltsin - with volosami
otsyuda a conclusion - Putin wears a wig!

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Only one letter can change destiny man.
vot Vladimir Vladimirovich Pukin would never become a president.

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After Armenia which handed to Saakashvili an award of "Honour", Vladimir Putin promised to continue a joke and to hand to Saakashvili an award of "Friendship of the people".

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Clinton, Kohl and Putin met somehow. Also tell each other about the most terrible case from them karyery.
klinton:
-Well, so I put on a table Monica and let's it fry. Here I hear steps in a corridor... doors open and senators with journalists come into the room. We hardly managed to pretend that we examine an office!!
KOL:
-A I decided to look somehow at a porno in the Bundestag, the door opens here, and at me as ill luck would have it the panel jammed... I hardly managed to reach a TV set and to pull out a cord from the socket!!!!
PUTIN:
-A we somehow sat down with Yeltsin at a table in the Kremlin. and only Boris Nikolaevich started pouring as the door suddenly opens, on a threshold there is Berezovsky and starts shouting: "Boris Nikolaevich, lift a glass!!!!" Yeltsin: "What to tell a toast? "
BAB: "What nafig toast??!!! A glass on the nuclear button!!!!"

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Met somehow Clinton Putin and decided to draw at each other caricatures. Thus they decided that will not draw each other below a belt. Putin drew Clinton: one ear big, other small. His Clinton and asks:
- And why I have one big ear, and other small?
- the Big ear you listen to the congress, and small - the people, - Putin answers it. Clinton drew Putin: one breast big, other small. Asks it Putin:
- And why I have one big breast, and other small?
- Big you nurse ministers, and small - directors, - Klinton.
- And what answers the people? - with insult asks Putin.
-But we agreed: lower not to draw a belt! - Clinton answers.

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Putin met Bush on his ranch. Go, talk without ties, remembered the childhood. Bush goworit:
- And I at school "Indian" was. You want, I will show?
SNYAL from a belt a tomahawk, and … is exact in the center of a tree vonzil.
putin:
-Wow! Well done!
A I in the childhood played security officers. You want, I will show?
-. For the fifth days from the cellar bushevsky rancho:
-Speak, the White Guard swine, did not die yet with whom had counterrevolutionary communications!

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Putin and Yushchenko's meeting took place successfully. Then Yushchenko speaks
putinu:
- And can V. V. in a bath, there already Tymoshenko waits?
soglasilsya.
nu after a bath are attached to Tymoshenko: Yushchenko in front, Putin behind.

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The president Putin meets the U.S. President Gore somehow. Or with Bushem.
ili with Gore. Or with Bush.

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Putin meets Kuchmoy.
putin:
-Eh, whatever you may say, and Ukraine for us - the cut-off fat chunk …!!!
KUCHMA:
-Ah so!? Then you for us - cut off … cut off ….
PUTIN:
-Well, for example, gas pipeline! Want?

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Putin meets Yushchenko. Putin speaks:
-It is a pity, whatever you may say, and Ukraine for Russia - the most tasty cut-off fat chunk!
- Means so?! Then Russia for us - cut off... the cut off.....
- You, Victor Andreevich, probably, want to tell, the gas pipeline?

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Unknown achievements meet Bush Putinym.
bush:
- At America. For example, we have professor who can recover the dead lyudey.
putin:
- At us too very big dostizheniya.
-long ago Where?
- Well in sport, for example. We have an athlete who can run with a speed of 100 km/h Really? It is surprising, what progress in our countries. Let's exchange achievements. We will send you our professor, he to you is indicative somebody Lenina will recover, for example. And you send us your athlete, we to him will organize tour across the USA. Done?
vozvrashchayetsya Putin to the Kremlin gloomy, calls Kasyanov, explains situatsiyu:
-Well and where we will take such runner? Shame!
kasyanov:
-Yes anything terrible. If this professor Lenina recovers, at us to so many people with a speed of 100 km/h will run...

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Dzhorzhd Lucas and Putin:
-George meet! I watched the 3rd Episode Star the Soldier. Also wanted to ask? Here when Palpatin came to the power, he has something with the person stalo.
- And what the unclear here?
-Yushchenko Sitkh?

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Meet somehow Yeltsin and Putin.
eltsin speaks to Putin: Hi GDP!
putin: Hi EBN!

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Putin and Bush meet. Conversation, of course, comes about Chechnya. Putin explains that there affairs are settled gradually...
- Step Bai step.- nods with understanding of BUSH.
-Yes.- Putin agrees and finishes - the steppe yes the steppe around will not turn out yet.

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Putin's introduction in dolzhnost:
2000 - inaguratsiya
2012 - regeneratsiya
2018 - reanimatsiya
2024 - exhumation

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- On an entrance to the Duma put detectors and if they work, the deputy inside not pustyat.
- They react to metal?
- On conscience.

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Last night the inspector of traffic police Bukin for excess of speed stopped Putin V. V. car and with food poisoning a peak-cap was taken to hospital.

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Yesterday Genprokuratora would conduct a telephone survey of the population on a subject "Whom you wanted to see the Russian president: Putin or Navalny?". Results of poll are processed by special group of OMON.

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Yesterday Dmitry Medvedev declared start of the new natspoyekt urged to erase a side between officialdom and the people change of an order of reception of the population by state officials. This project "Available to a zhulya" will be called.

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Yesterday at conference Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin declared that seychas
nevozmozhno to predict results of elections 2012, as all reshayet
narod. Right after conference Vladimir Vladimirovich went v
studiyu where wrote down the New Year's address of the president for 2013-2025 …

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Yesterday in the Kremlin the president's meeting with the leader of deputy fraction "Women of Russia" took place.
zhurnalisty on a meeting were not allowed,
NO is supposed that conversation went about women.

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Yesterday showed how Putin becomes a president having put a hand on the Constitution. Well, everything is clear, only why a hand?

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Yesterday the Government of Moscow within the Putin program of fight against poverty accepted corresponding postanovleniye.
teper all poor Muscovites will be sent for 101 kilometers.

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Yesterday Putin was in kazino.
segodnya all debt on salaries and pensions for all year was paid...

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- How you think, in what Putin's phenomenon as Russian politician of the highest rank? Understand
-, it is impossible to call it bald and it is impossible to call hairy … It broke the principle of continuity of the power: hairy, bald … This beginning o

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- You represent: at one Russian official the opinion did not coincide with Putin's opinion!
-I that? Visor
- "Fast" with a heart attack...
- It that. In August at the Georgian president the opinion did not coincide with Putin's opinion...

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- You heard, Putin ordered to the government to stop inflation!
- Not absolutely so. He disposed to detain her. And to put.

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To elections posvyashchayetsya.
i here he became a President. As usual, obset gazetchiki:
-Mr. the President, you know Europe, long lived there. Whether will be raznitsa
between your democracy and democracy of the West? To
-to you, newsdealers, give sensations. Will not wait... A difference budet
insignificant, say, between two chairs. Chair obychnym
and chair electric.

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- Why did the people in the election does not go to the polls?
- Once it. In other urns digs.

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Chose Putin, and he wants to transfer the capital in Piter.
khorosho though did not choose Nazdratenko...

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Yeltsin causes Berezovskogo.
-Tell honestly, Boris, and the truth, panimash, as Putin works for you?
- Well if it is honest, Boris Nikolaevich, rabotayet.
-I do not trust. Than you will prove?
- Well here turn on the TV. See, he acts. Now I will call - and he will tell the word "operation". (Berezovsky calls somewhere. Putin switches conversation to anti-terrorist operation.)
- Well, it sluchaynost.
-is good, Boris Nikolaevich. Then now he will tell about pensions. (Berezovsky calls somewhere. Putin switches a topic of conversation and starts telling that pensions are paid without delay.)
- Well, and it sluchaynost.
-Well, Boris Nikolaevich. Tell that to it skazat.
-So, now we will think up something inconceivable, panimash. In, let will tell "to be wasted in an outhouse".

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The Russian President of the Minister of Finance causes and speaks:
-Listen, tell me, what occurs at us in economy?
- Well, Vladimir Vladimirovich, now I will try to explain...
- Well, I should not explain, to explain I and itself can. You tell me, what occurs?

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Putin calls the chief Moscow cop on the eve of inauguration and speaks: "If I see though one The White Ribbon or something another white tomorrow and long - at once I will dismiss!" .
prishlos to them to smooth out all streets, and to carry Putin directly in the middle of the road - that continuous from a limousine did not see...

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Putin summons the 26th Veshnyakov, lours and asks:
p: - How?
B: - Counted half of Russia, Zyuganov has 55%.
P: - What?!
B: - Anything terrible, Chechnya yet not podschitali.
through some time - opyat:
p: - How?
B: - Counted all Russia, Zyuganov has 54%.
P: - What?!?!
B: - Anything terrible, the abroad yet not podschitali.
eshche after a while, watching in the screen at smiling Zyuganova:
p: - How?
B: - Counted the abroad, Zyuganov has 53%.
P: - What?!?!?!
B: - Anything terrible, not voted was not counted yet.

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Causes once Putin Kasyanova:
-Listen, I have Mischa elections here soon. You could not, here in Moscow, a bit with corruption to be overcome? Well, at least, absolutely malenechko …
kasyanov thought, thought and speaks:
-Well, all right, if - absolutely a bit. Only give at once we will agree with "kickback"...

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Keeping an election pledge of Putin about creation of 25 million new workplaces, officials made the decision when carrying out earthwork to remove all excavators and to leave only shovels.