Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

423  424  425  426  427  428  429  430  431  432  433  434

- Oh, my mummies, Putin with protection all right! we Will depart away...
- to You of that to be afraid? You for it voted! Whether
- will be remembered by him it?

*****

- It, by the way, too from Pitera.
-Why "by the way"?
-A it now always by the way...

*****

Poll VCIOM, on which Putin still populyaren.
question : You not against Putin's policy?
otvet 1: Yes, not protiv.
otvet 2: No, not against.

*****

Ostap Bender knew 400 rather honest ways of depriving of money, Vladimir Putin thought up one more, having pathosly called it "dispute of economic entities".

*****

The citizen opens a bottle of Putinka vodka. From there the genie Putin takes off and speaks: "Ask, the man that you want. I will promise everything!"

*****

Putin Konstitutsiyu Rossii opened and read: "In case of death or incapacity of the President of his power pass to the prime minister and thought" - the sin, of course, is great. And the paltry idea - is good!

*****

- From where Medvedev has so much time to have a good time LiveJournal?
- That was a lot of free time, it is necessary to pick up correctly to itself the prime minister!

*****

The name of millionaire collective farm cast by gold letters the Way of Lenin, in modern Russia was changed Putin's Laziness.

*****

From now on the love to Putin is concept legal and, respectively, dislike is equated to a criminal offense.

*****

Putin on a next world went and the tradition meets its main chyort:
"At us - all arrived to a hell we dip into the boiling sulfur. You whom were? "
putin: "The president was, the prime minister... "
CHYORT - to journeymen: "It dip two times! "
okunuli twice, pulled out, threw - Putin lies cools down. Suddenly again are enough and drag in kotyol.
putin! "Eee, told you no more than two times!!! "
cherti: "We were told - no more than two TIME IN A ROW!"

*****

Putin and Luzhkov on Moskve.
putin:
- And why on streets so many bums and beggars walk? I know
LUZHKOV:
-He, Vladimir Vladimirovich, I both temples build, and I arrange well the yards, and I sweep streets. That else is not enough for people... I do not understand!

*****

- Father, and who such oligarchs?
- Oligarchs, the sonny, it they as wolves in lesu.
- And foxes who?
- of the Fox, is governors and other governors local znacheniya.
- And hares? Hares everything promise
- to all and do nothing, it deputaty.gg

*****

Putin's hairdresser during a hairstyle asked him about Chechne.
putin sprosil:
-Vy all the time that, the Chechen?
No, it is simple when you speak about Chechnya, it is more convenient to me to cut you - at you the hair stands on end.

*****

The first decree of Lenin - "About the World" .
pervy Putin's decree - "About Borya".

*****

Putin blocked a gas pipe of Belarus. Lukashenko is going i
priletayet to the Kremlin. Comes to Putin. - Vovan, include a pipe, zamerzayem.
-Is not present, San, you pinch gas and money do not pay. - Vova, we are brothers,
slavyane, neighbors, include, not zhlobsya! - - Sanek, you will suck away at me, vklyuchu
trubu. - Vavik, we are presidents that for conditions! - Give suck, ili
ostaneshsya without gaza.
podumal Lukashenko and speaks - a horse-radish with you, Vavan. Become na
taburetku and symay shorts, I will suck!
putin answers - on a fig a stool, kneel as all do, suck
I on zdorovye.
lukashenko - Russia will never force Belarus to the knees!!!!

*****

Copyists ask Putina:
-In what organization you work?
putin otvechayet:
-In the organization for rendering ill turns to the population.

*****

To paraphrase a joke of times of Chernenko: - And you have an admission on Putin's inauguration?
- Yes at me, a pancake, the subscription!

*****

The petting is the easy caress which is not reaching to seksa.
putting - the same, but in a toilet.

*****

Putin's plan prepared is so reserved that Putin learned ego
odnovremenno with Russian narodom.
eto once again emphasizes - Putin from the people is not allocated with anything.

*****

According to the Ministry of Statistics of the Russian Federation for the last year GDP grew by 4.5%.
SAM GDP refused to comment on this fact.

*****

According to the offer of United Russia party, for elementary grades are brought in the textbook of natural study izmeneniya:
vmesto the false prozapadnichesky statement "A lion - the king of beasts" at last there was a fair statement "the Bear - the Tsar Prirody".

*****

According to forecasts of political scientists, the following message of the President of Federalnomu
sobraniyu will be the shortest in the history of democratic Russia. Ono
budet to consist of only three letters.

*****

After some time of Yushchenko offers - Vladimir
vladimirovich, and can we will exchange?
putin-Change!

*****

On traces all of known events...
putin gives interview to the foreign journalist. That asks:
-That happened to your television tower?
- It sgorela.
-That happened to your boat?
- It utonula.
-That happened to your space station?
- It burned down and utonula.
-Well, and what at you did not burn down and did not drown?
- my car. It turned over.

*****

According to messages of foreign news agencies, yesterday Vladimir Putin received a gift from Boris Berezovsky: a package of bagels and some cartridges with record of the American soccer.

*****

- Say that the level of popularity of Putin and Medvedev fell in society so low, what even Petersburgers call them contemptuously now: "These Muscovites …"

*****

There went Putin to Komdessyu behind the next credit. Cracked, cracked,
NE wants to give Komdessyu's credit. Putin does not know che and delat.
tut to him Komdessyu and speaks:
-You to me podroch any more, and I the credit dam.
delat nothing you, Putin Komdessyu satisfied and with money home poyekhal.
prokhodit week. At Putin all hands blisters went. Collected a consultation,
lechili, treated, thought, thought - helps nothing. From a grief выцепили
какого the old man. That to Putin and speaks:
-I Know as to help your trouble. You will depart to Siberia by plane, through
les by helicopter, through a bog by all-terrain vehicle there, then two days on olenyakh
i you will see the rivulet. You will wash in it the rivers, blisters and soydut.
dobralsya somehow Putin to this small river, sits hands washes. Here mestnaya
babka uvidat it also run to the grandfather in uzbu.
-Ded! There on our small river Putin of a hand moyet.
-Yes well, you, the old hen! Eternally will come in dream to you. That Yeltsin zhopu
skoblit, Chernomyrdin of companies will caress...

*****

While all men drank beer, Putin was noticed in the Hermitage with Bush. Eto
trevozhny sign!

*****

Pomoshchnik:
-Putin goes on koridoru.
berezovskiy:
-Along what corridor?
pomoshchnik:
-On ours koridoru.
berezovsky (in confusion):
-One?
pomoshchnik:
-With spetsnazom.
berezovsky (turns pale and passes to squeal):
-of Wa - and - and - alki pa-a-a-azornye!!! Who allowed???!!! I will get from a zone!!!
pomoshchnik:
-Sorry, Boris Abramych - wanted to joke, the first of April after all.

*****

Amazing endurance that KGB school means!
Bo time of the mourning speech Vladimir Vladimirovich never even smiled.

*****

Putin's portrait hung in Medvedev's office, and the mirror v
roskoshnoy to a frame opposite hung. When Putin looked in a mirror, he saw Putin v
roskoshnoy to a frame and was glad. When Medvedev looked in a mirror he videl
medvedeva in a magnificent frame and was glad. When the visitor entered k
medvedevu, he saw Putin and Medvedev and when left saw himself v
roskoshnoy to a frame and was glad. The mirror operated the huge country.

*****

After a personal meeting with Putin, Clint could tell journalists about Monica Lewinski's feelings.

*****

After an official meeting with the French president in Paris, on uzhine
putin asks:
-Mister the President, and on what-such money you arranged such pyshnyy
banket in my honor?
prezident of France brings Putin to oknu:
-See the new bridge through Seine. Its estimated cost - 20 million, a
my constructed for 19 and a half. Here on these one million floor we i
naslazhdayemsya the best French drinks and foods...
GOD later a similar picture, but already in Moskve.
-Mister the President, and on what money you suited such magnificent banket
v my honor?
putin Mister the President brings the president of France to oknu:
-, see the new bridge through Moscow the river?
TOT long looks in a distance, changes ochki:
-Sorry, but I do not see any bridge!!!
- is correct, here on this money we today and we enjoy samymi
luchshimi the Russian drinks and foods...

*****

After the next meeting with actors Putin asked Bezrukov zaderzhatsya.
o than they spoke, it is not known, and saying goodbye, Putin said:
-So, Sergey Vitalyevich, I can be sure? I Swear to
-, Vladimir Vladimirovich, not at any price!

*****

After a trip across Siberia Putin comes back to the capital, summons in an office of the Minister of Transport and speaks:
-Why the people complain of the Russian roads? Where I only had not to go - everywhere equal asphalt, a beautiful razmetochka, lighting … Only one I did not understand - why signs restriction of speed in 20 km/h everywhere? On such good roads it is possible to go quicker!
- Is possible quicker, Vladimir Vladimirovich … But we did not manage to repair so quickly!

*****

After flight by SU-25UB plane Putin told pilots that ispytal
silnye feelings, and they right there suggested it to visit Baikonur.

*****

After a failure of elections America decided to ask to more democratic countries for the help. Russia sent Veshnyakov. He sat and after long calculations proiznes:
-Elections took place, passed without violations, V. V. Putin won.

*****

After death Saddam, Bush and Putin on a carpet to the Devil get. Also tells them Dyavol:
-Generally on procedure if someone from you teaches me to meanness against the human race, new what I do not know, I am obliged to release you in ray.
pervym the word takes Saddam:
-But whether you tried to poison civilians with the chemical weapon? I Know
-, bylo.
bush:
- And can try to raze all country to the ground? Too I know
-. Bylo.
putin:
- And it is possible I for you in ear something I will whisper? Well give
DYAVOL:
-. - also bends to Putinu.
putin something whispers on an ear to the Devil, at the last the person is extended, the jaw falls and eyes from orbit:
-Vova climb, be afraid God!!!

*****

After the President refused to meet participants youth dvizheniya
"Going together", the decision to rename the new organization in "Going на#уй" was made.