Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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After formation of horizontals of the power V. V. Putin started creation of verticals vlasti.
takim in a way, by 2002 will be completely zakonchena
kletka the authorities...

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Last decree of the Russian President Putin V. V.:
C of new 2002 in Russia are cancelled bribes.

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Looked at a hockey match with participation of the president Putin as the forward. You will tell nothing: what hockey at it, such and elections.

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Our president with American at whom better people live argued. Agreed to set on 3 questions. Arrives to America, approaches the man, and asks:
-How many you receive?
- 5000 dollarov.
-As you spend free time?
- I go to the cinema, theater, I bathe, zagorayu.
- And you have a car?
- Of course!!! The American president to Russia arrives. And our president instigated narkomana:
-in advance that man Will approach you, will begin to ask questions, and I will stand round the corner and as you will hear that I cough (Khe-khe) then exaggerate. The American president to narkomanu.
-How many approaches you receive?
- of $500. (Khe-khe) In den.
-As you spend free time? I Drink
-, I smoke, I am pricked, women e. at. (Khe-Khe-Khe-Khe-Khe!). And men tozhe.
- And you have a car? What
- horse-radish car. (Khe-Khe-Khe-Khe!). By plane I fly.

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Putin and Clinton at whom the bath is better argued. Clinton speaks:
- At me, - also invites Putin to be washed. Putin comes to a bath and presses a red button. It is washed, soared and dressed. Then Putin invites Clinton in the bath. Clinton presses a red button, but works nothing. It was washed, left and with insult speaks:
-Something at you the red button not rabotayet.
-As it does not work? Yes you on the TV were shown the whole hour.

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Why avtomatichik at a search of Media-Most were in masks?
ochen is simple - Vladimir Vladimirovich himself in the plane, itself in the submarine, itself in a search...

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Why nine years?
potomu that Putin hopes that when it will judge at the president Khodorkovsky, the court will show respect for a limitation period of the committed economic crimes.

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Why the president so cares of small business?
- For it the is less than business, the better.

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Why Putin considers, what it is better to appoint governors? That knows
potomu from experience if to entrust the people elections, he will choose any shit.

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Putin to the President, and the President - too Putin went.

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- The truth that the President Putin from God? So former governor, and nowadays the minister told …
- That you, old man, really Yeltsin already god became!?

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Putin's rule: if to speak long enough and monotonously, to do already, it seems, anything and it is not necessary.

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Medvedev's board is only Putin's game in "Tamagochi".

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In prezidenty.
vydvizhenets from demokratov:
-I promise pre-election performances of candidates that everything who will nominate me, will live as in the USA! From kommunistov:
-I swear to
predstavitel that the voters who elected me will live as in the USSR!
B. Century of Putin:
-I guarantee that all those who will vote for me, will live.

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The offered version of the anthem is made proceeding from reasons maksimalnogo
podobiya to "initial" option and staticized in compliance s
nyneshney by official Rosputinsky ideology.

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- Represent, the other day Masha Rasputina...
- of Whom? Putin?!

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- Represent, Medvedev collected 70% of votes on elections!
- to Think only...
- Well, then it would not gather so much.

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The president the other day gave out: "If the ruble moves, it means lives! "
interesno on what Vladimir Vladimirovich judged?

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The president Medvedev goes to a microphone to tell the first presidential rech.
pomoshchnik:
- One moment to you clung some threads... "
gromky Putin's whisper: "Not trozh! These are the necessary threads".

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The president Putin calls the president Bush to express condolences in connection with acts of terrorism on September 11: "If any important documents were completely destroyed during explosion in the Pentagon - report, we have copies which we will bezvezmedno provide to you".

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The president Putin calls the President Bush what to express condolences in connection with acts of terrorism on September 11: "I was awfully shaken by
, having heard about explosions. It is the big tragedy. If any important documents were completely destroyed during explosion in the Pentagon - report, we have copies which my
bezvozmezdno we will provide to you".

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The president Putin started recruitment of the new government.

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The president Putin at meeting with the governor of Sankt-Peterburga:
-How are you with preparation for city anniversary? Yes you do not embellish
-Hrenovo.
-, Vladimir Anatolyevich, tell it like it is.

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The president of Russia Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin issued the decree on renaming of the site HTB.ru into HTB.net

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The president of Russia Vladimir Putin brought together the colleagues from Tsentralnoy
azii and asks ikh:
-As you manage to stay so many years heads of states?
-Ya declared itself the monarch of Turkmenistan and as a result of it stal
pozhiznennym the head of the country, - Saparmurat told Niyazov.
-I declare every year a referendum in the country and I prolong the second srok
polnomochy on a post of the president of Uzbekistan, - explains to Islam Karimov.
-We with Askar Akayev to steel relatives, having married our children. Teper
my we are interchanged the position - Akayev works as the president of Kazakhstan, and I -
prezidentom of Kyrgyzstan, - shared experience Norsultan of Nazarbayev.
- And I am once elected from the government, and at times - from opposition, -
rassaid the president of Tajikistan Imomali Rakhmonov.
putin reflected, and then speaks:
-Perhaps to me every five years to scroll on televideniyu
vystupleniye Boris Yeltsin about voluntary retirement and appointment menya
svoim the successor?

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The Russian President V. V. Putin acted with new initsiativoy:
"I Believe that the head of state has to be elected the head of state on representation of the head of state."

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The president should be asked so that he could answer.

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The president of Latvia calls Putin with trebovaniyem:
-Take away Russian-speaking, they are cultural values in vide
legionerov CC do not understand, barbarians!
putin, calls in the Ministry of Emergency Situations: How many it will be required to take out all Russians iz
latvii? Three days? Nachinayte.
(in three days)
putin, again calls in the Ministry of Emergency Situations: All were taken out? To the uniform? Otlichno.
(calls in the General Staff) Begin.

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The prime minister conceived the next price increase, but before decided to talk to the simple people. It came to the city street and stopped well dressed man with not especially intelligent litsom.
-Tell, please, if the government raises the prices twice how you will live?
- of Anything terrible, both lived, and I will be zhit.
-Well. And if three times?
- of Anything, money has to hvatit.
-So, - the prime minister was already delighted, - and if we raise the prices four times?
- Well, then, most likely giving postroyu.
-is interesting! And with whom you work?
-Ya? Coffin maker...

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The prime minister declared GDP growth for 7%. A few years more, and GDP will replace judo with basketball.

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The prime minister held meeting on construction and operation of highways in Tver and promised that by 2020 roads in Russia will become twice bolshe.
obozrevateli note, fortunately, the subject of fools at this meeting did not rise.

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Prepod:
-Give a script example for the description virtual realnosti.
student:
-In what language?
P: - On lyubom.
s: - And in Russian it is possible?
P: - I told - on lyubom.
s: - Putin's message to Federal Assembly.

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Press conference. Putin:
-Yes, I have a black belt. (Pensively) To it good stockings...

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Putin's press conference on the Internet. Vedushchiy:
-2 million questions came Here: when increase a salary?
PUTIN:
-In my opinion, is SPAM.

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The press conference of Putina.
-So after all happened to NTV?
putin, ulybayas:
-It yordanutsya...

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At visit by V. V. Putin of France in the claim of the Swiss firm "Noga" were arrested: The Prezidensky plane of 1 piece, a limousine of 1 piece and some small suitcase with the red button of 1 piece.

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At damned communistic totalitarianism was such anekdot:
-Dear experts how call Reagan's dog? … and etc.
A now? How call to Putin's bough, perhaps?

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There comes Vladimir Putin to orphanage for feeble-minded children. Podkhodit
k to the boy: "Boy, what is your name?" Boy: I "Do not know" Vospitatelnitsa
shepotom: "Seryozha" Boy: "Seryozha" Putin again is interested: "Boy, a
skolko to you years?" Boy again: I "Do not know" the Teacher (in a whisper):
"12" Boy: "12" And at last the president asks: "And you know, who ya
takoy?" The boy answers: I "know". The teacher rejoices, of course, etot
malchik knows, who such Putin. And at last Putin asks: "Well, and who I am? "
" You is a newcomer", - the boy answers it.

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There comes the caravan to Chukotka after a descent of ices. Brought to Chukchi TVs, canned food, the press and to volume similar bedu.
dvoye the Chukchi sit talk, one and speaks:
"However, I open the newspaper, and there Putin; I turn on radio, and there the TV I adjust Putin;, and there Putin. However I am afraid to open canned food.