Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Putin addresses to narodu:
-my People, I will make you!.
molchaniye, after long pauzy:
-Ah yes - rich!

*****

Putin declared that to him the LACK OF TIME and it does not go to the summit of G8 to Camp-Devid.
suki led by the USA took offense.

*****

Putin at the next meeting with oligarkhami:
-It you, swine, traitors, traitors of the homeland finished the country!.
gusinsky (silently):
- is strange, you were not and did not burn... did not sink... did not blow up...

*****

Putin charged to reduce the staff of the Federal Drug Control Service on 13 protsentov.
vidimo, taxes did not pay...

*****

Putin after death got to a hell. The devil speaks to it: as byvshemu
prezidentu, you are allowed to choose one of three types of tortures, kotorym
podvergayutsya sinners. Choose properly as to you pridetsya
provesti in one of these halls at least one thousand let.
nu, it, so led Putin to the first hall of tortures. There at a wall visit
muzhik, suspended on chains, and the man is beaten iron rods cherti.
muzhik shouts and cries, but devils turn it any vnimaniya.
"No" - Putin speaks, - "here it is not pleasant to me, show sleduyushchiy
zal" .
prishli to the following hall. Looks - there at a wall the man, podveshennyy
za eggs hangs, and under him the small fire blazes. The man shouts from pain, vopit
vo all throat and plachet.
"No" - is told by GDP, - here too it is not pleasant to me, we will go further."
prishli to the third hall of tortures. Looked - and there the man sovreshenno golyy
stoit at a wall and smiles, and the blonde i
soset to him chlen.
"Yes is kneeling to him! Yes! Here it is pleasant to me!" - Putin.
exclaims "You are sure?" - the Devil asks again it, - "remember that to you pridetsya
provesti here at least one thousand years! "
" Of course, is sure! "
" Well, well," - are told by the Devil, shrugging shoulders. After that, Dyavol
podkhodit to the blonde, touches it for a shoulder and speaks ey:
"can leave Now. To you replacement came".

*****

Putin looked in a window. The window was followed by a rain and people with white lentochkami.
"Condoms!." - Putin thought. "Condom!." - people thought.

*****

Putin offered Khodorkovsky party in shakhmaty.
kh: Excellent idea, Vladimir Vladimirovich, but allow me to play belymi.
p: Well, Mikhail Borisovich, only I will go the first...

*****

Putin president of the United Russia: Reliability of this fact of 146%.

*****

Putin comes on … a disco. There he sees three nice devushek:
ryzhuyu, the blonde and the brunette - and asks them, for how many they gotovy
provesti with him night. Red speaks:
-$200 .
blondinka:
-$100 .
bryunetka:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich if you manage to lift my skirt also highly,
kak taxes if you manage to lower my stockings also low, kak
zarplaty if your this feature same rigid as our life, If
vy
menya embrace with the same tenderness and sensitivity with which you pudrite
mozgi to the people, for you it will be absolutely free!

*****

Putin sent to Khodorkovsky the magazine Have a rest with a program schedule for the next seven years.

*****

Putin somehow comes home, looks - Lyudmila all in slezakh.
-Lyudmila what happened?
-Volodya, I do not complain for a long time that you forgot day of our wedding and day of my birth. But here now on all channels declared that you want to declare naslednika.
volodya, what SUCCESSOR, at us two DAUGHTERS!

*****

Putin sees off the football national team, passes along a number of football players, with everyone shakes hands. Approaches the right defender, and a hand for a back pryachet:
-I am afraid, the brother, you will bite me... I know these human rights activists...

*****

Putin talks to himself after difficult dnya:
-So, ministers propesochit, on the tank drove, to Merkel and Obama called, a press conference held. Fir-trees green! I have still Caucasus not kormlen!

*****

Putin undersigned on a cowl of the first "Ladas Largus" that increased its cost in car showroom for 500 rubles!!!

*****

Putin decided to get acquainted personally with the best anekdotchik of Russia and invited him to the Kremlin. That came, inspected an office of the president and voskhishchayetsya:
-What beautiful situation!
PUTIN:
-do not worry, so will be at each Russian family soon!
- One or the other, Vladimir Vladimirovich, or you tell jokes, or I

*****

Putin decided to get acquainted with the main anekdotchik of the country and invited him to the Kremlin. That came, inspects an office and voskhishchayetsya:
-What situation!
PUTIN:
-so will be in each Russian apartment Soon!
- One or the other: or you will be tells jokes, or I.

*****

Putin decided to check itself as is to pensioners after a monetization of social benefits and was employed by the simple inspector of a social service. The first pensioner complains that it is difficult to live for 800 rubles. Putin grants it pension in one thousand dollars. The pensioner leaves from kabineta.
- The Pancake, on what only do not go if only to get off pensioners.

*****

- Why Putin decided, what the final of Evrovidenya will pass in Moscow, but not St. Petersburg?
- did not want that St. Petersburg lost reputation of the cultural capital.

*****

Putin, Satan and Kadyrov hold meeting. What to do with the Chechen Mujahideens? What to do with Chechnya? The first Putin who offered the plan spoke. Then took the floor Satan who stated the offers on suppression of Chechni.
kogda the turn reached Kadyrov, he bent down to the Satan, and whispered to it, something on an ear. The Satan in horror jumped aside from Kadyrov and cried - whether the
B you mind, Ahmed? I will never be able to go to such!

*****

Putin in the office. Before it the huge panel with mnozhestvom
knopochek and bulbs. Zhirinovskiy.
-Vladimir Volfovich, to you that comes?
- Geeks!!! Geeks!!! Geeks!!!
-A... understood - Having frowned eyebrows Putin presses one of knopochek.
-Petarasa!!! Pedarsa!!! Pedarasa!!!
- Oh, excuse, mixed - Putin presses on druguyu
zhirinovsky with oblegcheniyem:
-... Putin... Putin...

*****

- Why Putin performed plastic surgery of the person?
- Because under the Constitution of the Russian Federation the same person ne
mozhet to hold the Russian President's position more than two terms in a row.

*****

Putin sits at himself and thinks: "I am a genius, and is fine. Yeltsin too geniy.
no after all both Gorbachev the genius, and Andropov, a kingdom to it heavenly, geniy.
kogda it will come to an end?" Here all also came to an end.

*****

Putin sits at restaurant, does the order, round protection - nemeryano.
putin: - I will be vodka and meat...
ofitsiant: - And vegetables will be?
putin: - Vegetables too will be vodka and meat...

*****

Putin told that he rowed as the slave by galleys. He held back one - that he feathered the own nest.

*****

Putin with Schr?der open butylku.
tut in the doorway appears American prezident.
putin: - The third Bush?

*****

... Putin collected the government and speaks:
-Companions (misters), I watch you time in vain do not waste, everything is privatized: shops, restaurants, hotels, even airports and railroads. It is time already and to think of the people!!!
tishina... A voice from zala:
-Yes, Vladimir Vladimirovich, a shower on 200 would not prevent...

*****

Putin asks Gryzlova:
-of Whom and in what opposition we will have after Duma elections? Yes whom will order to
-, and we will have that. And in any opposition!

*****

Putin:
nado urgently to increase GDP by 3 times!
fradkov:
eshche said yesterday that only twice!
Tak is necessary that also something came the way of the people.

*****

Putin so much all promises that likely precisely knows about a doomsday in the 2012th.

*****

Putin: - Respected voters! Would you like to fight against fraud and corruption?
narod: - We want, we want!
putin: - Whether you that I put oligarchs want!
narod: - We want, we want!
putin: - Then we will begin with Gusinskogo.
narod: - We do not want, we do not want!
putin: - Then excuse! Or we put all, starting with Gusinsky, or we do not put anybody, starting with Berezovsky!

*****

Putin:
-If I will not feel support of the people, I will leave the post. I
poydu to work as the president.

*****

Putin, rummaging on a back of Medvedeva:
-Where this devil's button?...

*****

Putin: - Shoygu! Where you put 200 million rubles?. Shoygu: - Well - at... Putin: - the Correct answer: The GNU - thunder-storms, floods, hurricanes! Learn to be short.

*****

Putin and Yushchenko enut Yulia Tymoshenko, one in front other Szadi:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, can we pomenyaemsya
(Yushchenko speaks)
putin: - Pozhalasta change, I not against!

*****

Putin was sent by God. Even God sent Putin.

*****

Report on Putin: Georgia is lucky on the Eurovision provocative pesnyu.
-Remarkably. And following the results of SMS vote we will form gas prices for 2010.

*****

Putin is called constantly with requests about protektsii:
-Hallo, Vova? You remember how we at school played? I still gave a black eye to you!
putin writes to a notebook: 'The fighting guy to attach in MVD'
-Hallo, Vladimir? You remember, you on the final tried to kiss me? I in an eye gave you!
putin - in a notebook: 'The pleasant attractive face to attach on the First kanal'
-Hallo, Vova? You remember, we were here such friends, together walked, do not pour water!
putin - in a notebook: 'I have no true friends and was not, this person the shameless liar. To attach on NTV!'

*****

Putin and Bush how their people live speak by phone. Putin
asks:
-Bush, and what living wage at you?
- 1000 dollarov.
- And average salary what?
- 2000 dollarov.
-Bush and where they put other money? I know
-He...
BUSh at Putin asks:
-Putin, and what living wage at you?
- 1000 rubley.
- And average salary what?
- 500 rubley.
-Putin and where they take other money? I know
-He...

*****

muzhikov:
-You know conversation of two who at us in the country loves most political jokes?
-He-a.
-Putin!
- Well yes??
-of Ugu, he collects them... Together with story-tellers