Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Conversation of two preferansistov.
-in pref Vladimirovichu.
-Not Sometimes wants to offer our Vladimir party, he is a president, under the constitution it is not necessary to it in any parties vstupat.
-I watch That, it only on buy sits...

*****

The Crow got cheese, took seat on a tree, here, as usual - Lisa:
-of the Raven, you for Putin will vote?
vorona molchit
- The Crow, you will vote for Putin? Once again I ask
molchaniye
-, the Crow, for Putin you will vote?
VORONA:
-of Daaaa!
SYR, naturally, dropped out, the Fox caught it and escaped. The Crow and dumayet:
"And if I told "no", well sits and what would change?"

*****

Advertizing of "Beeline":
1. Buy Beeline phones - by them you always can will phone to yours prokurora.
2. The special offer - a tariff "Presidential" - You can choose number according to which you never phone

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Advertizing on Ort:
uvazhayemye TV viewers!
B this New Year's Eve you are waited by new part of the "Old Songs about the Main Thing" project .
rezhisser - Vladimir Putin.

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Advertizing: "- Tell, and you would exchange Putin for three ordinary presidents?"

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Advertizing campaign of Tsentrizbirkoma:
progolosuy twice also receive it for Putin for the third term without elections!

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The problem of the successor Vladimir of Putina.
kak is solved scientists proved, Vladimir Putin is Crown Prince Alexey, chudom
spasshiysya at execution of an imperial family. So Vladimir Putin i
yavlyaetsya heir- At-law of a throne of the Russian Empire.

*****

Putin decided to visit somehow Khodorkovsky in a chamber. That, having caught sight of the distinguished guest, jumps from plank beds. Putin:
-Anything, sit, sit...

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Putin decided to go to tour over the countries of America and near Vostoka.
priyezzhayet in the USA, Bush meets him. Talked, laughed, under vecher
putin asks:
-Well, Dzhora? Than you will surprise me?
BUSh otvechayet:
-I have phone by means of which it is possible to call God. Tolko
zvonok the paid - $5000 minuta.
putin laid out 10 pieces, talked good luck 2 minutes and went dalshe.
priyezzhayet to Israel. Ariel Sharon meets him. Talked, laughed,
pod evening Putin asks:
-Well, the Ball? Than you will surprise me?
-U me is phone by means of which it is possible to call on heavens... Yes I know
-... To talk good luck? You will not surprise me with it, minute - 5000
baksov?
- Is not present, well why? At us 1 min. costs 5 dollars and 99 tsentov.
- And che it is so cheap?
- is So ringing the local!!!!!

*****

Putin how there live simple Russians decided to learn. Pulled a cap on glaza
i went. Towards to it - the cheerful, happy person.

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Putin amnistiyu.
idet on prison decided to make, to him pokazvat kamery:
- The Condemned Shesterkin, year for huliganstvo.
putin:
-well to Reduce napolovinu.
-, there will be 6 mesyatsev.
idut dalshe.
-a Condemned Skokarev. For krazhu.
-it is good to Reduce four years napolovinu.
-, there will be 2 years. The condemned Trakhunchik, 10 years for iznasilovaniye.
-are good to Reduce napolovinu.
-, 5 years. The condemned Mochilov. Lifelong zaklyucheniye.
-to Reduce napolovinu.
-Horosho.
potom carefully so sprashivayut:
- And how to cut by half? After all we do not know, how many it prozhivet.
-It already a question technical. Cut precisely by half, about ispolnenii
dolozhit.
through month Putin calls, consults as there is an amnesty. Emu
dokladyvayut:
-All of term reduced in accuracy napolovinu.
- And to it, Mochilov?
-I to it in accuracy. We keep day in prison, day on freedom.

*****

Blondes decided to disprove the developed stereotypes that all of them tupye.
sobralis all blondes of Russia also arranged conference at the head s
putinym. Putin speaks:
-Let will leave the cleverest blondinka.
vykhodit the blonde. Putin sets it question :
-How many will be 2 to increase on 2?
- of Eee... Five? Well everything is clear to
PUTIN:
-! blondinki:
-Give to
Bce chance! Give chance!
PUTIN:
-is good. Last question. How many will be 6+5? Clever blondinka:
-Odinnadtsat.
vse blondinki:
-Give to
samaya chance!!! Give chance!!!

*****

Decided to establish to the 60 anniversary of a victory in Moscow a monument to Stalin, Ruzveltu
i Churchill. The sculptor brings the sketch on the statement to Putin, that looks,
zacherkivayet and speaks:
-In the center Stalin, it is no good. The people will look and will tell that Putin
rvetsya to an absolute power therefore postavili.
skulptor changed Stalin in the center, brings the new sketch. Putin again nedovolen.
-In the center Roosevelt, will look at the people and will tell that the American in tsentre
ot that Putin Russia to Americans prodal.
trety option. Again zacherknut:
-In the center Churchill, it will definitely not pass. The people will look and will tell,
chto thrust into the center of the russophob because Putin the country nenavidit.
skulptor left, long thought, at last brings the sketch, on which all troye
sidyat in a circle the person to each other. Putin in vostorge:
- And it that is necessary! The people at us are already accustomed to that governors k
nemu are turned by a bum.

*****

Chukchi to Putin solved hunting to arrange, and at the same time and to look what he is a hunter. Chose the best gun, cleaned it, greased. And that to give special pleasure to Putin, caught three boars, according to the plate tied to everyone - Gusinsky, Berezovsky, Abramovich, and in the wood back released. There is Putin on the wood, suddenly from bushes Gusinsky runs out and runs away that there are forces. Putin threw up the gun. Women - napoval.
-Oh, Putin the fast hunter, however, - Chukchi told. There is Putin further, suddenly sees - far, far Berezovsky costs. Putin slowly aimed. Women - filled up Berezovskogo.
-Oh, Putin the accurate hunter, however, - Chukchi told. Here, absolutely close, because of a birch Abramovich leaves. Putin directed the gun on him, but did not begin to shoot, and got into a pocket, got a handful of acorns and threw them Abramovichu.
-Oh, Putin the cunning hunter, however, the young animal does not kill at once, and weight allows to gain, - Chukchi told.

*****

Russia Gorbachev - a cemetery kommunizma.
rossiya Yeltsin - a cemetery empty butylok.
rossiya Putin - a cemetery of hopes...

*****

Russia again caused a stir in the operativnostyyu:
putin brought the condolences for an hour before commission of act of terrorism in America...

*****

Abuse Vovochka in a class. The teacher before all class goes all out to tell all, what bad them odnoklassnik.
nakonets, Vovochka does not maintain, gets up and speaks:
-Here, Marvanna, I here will grow up, I will be learned at last, I will be the big and important chief...
I then when you hear my name in headline news, will be a shame to you!
- Sit down and do not act up, Putin!

*****

The Russian Federation - the country of intermediaries, at us becomes nothing directly, even Putin governs through Medvedev.

*****

With each new elections we successfully move to our light past.

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Since March 26 to forbid jokes about Vovochka...

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From now on the ORT television channel is renamed into "Putin's Voice" .
peredacha "However" will be called "Means so"

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With the decree of the Russian President, the city of Vladimir is renamed in Vladimir Vladimirovich.

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The biggest lie in mass media is a continuous GDP growth... Well the person after thirty does not grow!

*****

The most anticipated movie of 2012: "Putin. Thank you that left."

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Peculiar our ministers solved a problem of doubling of GDP. They put a portrait of GDP on a table and drink until in eyes does not start appearing doubled.

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The first decree Putin appointed payments to veterans Vov.
vyplaty ALL veteran he decided to pay from the salary of the president.

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Today the first details of the economic program of the new president of Russia were declassified: the program is made on the Korean model of development ekonomiki.
k to a regret, a detail of on what Korean model the program is made, and remained secret.

*****

Today in Moscow took place traditional spring subbotnik.
v.v.putin with own hand put some independent publishers of newspapers and magazines

*****

Today the president Putin addressed with the annual message to narodu.
do it the people already Yeltsin, Gorbachev, Chernenko, Andropov sent...

*****

Today the U.S. President J. Bush met in the White House of the President of Rossii
v.V.Putina. Thus he sincerely was surprised and asked that that does here.

*****

Today the prime minister in a thought asked "do not shake the boat".
B of communication with it at me two voprosa:
1. Where the galley got to?
2. And how we appeared in the boat?

*****

Today to Putin knocked 50...
ETO is 5 people more, than yesterday.

*****

Today in Russia passed a community work day. Putin put sosnu.
- And the Pine too in Yukos worked?

*****

The secretary of Putina:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, ours won the Davis Cup!!!
- Well at last!!! Call Yeltsin and tell that I more have to nothing, all his foolish requirements are fulfilled!!!

*****

Putin's secretary: "Is not present, our president of money not beret.
nu sometimes people by kindness sincere will bring - who a chicken, who small eggs...
Tak, who there the following? Vekselberg! Come!"

*****

Seven mornings. 11.09.2001. Call to the president of Bushu.
-Hallo! this is the president of Russia Putin, accept my condolences on povodu
tragedii the American people, it is simply improbable! our people znayet
chto such terrorism also divide your pain......
BUSh: - What tragedy? about what mister Putin speaks???
putin:- And skolno time?
BUSh: - 07.00
putin: - forgive! again hurried!

*****

Family: the father, mother, the little girl come to shop igrushek.
-Well, the daughter, choose that is pleasant!
DOCHA is thrashed and aches....
- the Daughter, well here watch what Pokemons. Here zheltenkiya, here the blue...
nichego is not pleasant? Well you are capricious? You want
kakogo of the Pokemon? I WANT
- SUCH AS PUTIN!

*****

On September 11, Kremlin. On a table of the president phone calls. On a wire - the Minister of Defence of S. of Ivanov:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, you remember, you at meeting said, what we have to get to the World Trade Organization? On
-Yes, pomnyu.
- And so, I report: got.

*****

Future president in an office sits. Telephone zvonok.
on takes the call, listens, puts down a reciever, then dials number and speaks:
-Hallo, mother?! You can congratulate me! I won presidential elections!
MAMA radostno:
-Oh! Honestly?!
- Mother, well though you would not pin up...