Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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Sits on a tree of a raven - in a mouth a piece of cheese. By the Crow, a crow, you politically correct runs lisa:
-?
vorona molchit.
- The Crow, a crow, you will go to presidential elections?
vorona molchit.
- The Crow, a crow, you for Putin will vote?
vorona with all the dope as will bark: "Yes - and- And! "
SYR naturally dropped out, and the fox with an impudent red muzzle and a piece syra
vo to a mouth was takova.
sidit a crow on a tree and thinks: "And if I told "no", what by
eto changed?!"

*****

The deputy sits and thinks how to him to win elections. Suddenly there is a devil and suggests to help - whispers on an ear sovet.
-It is tried, - the deputy of
podumav answers a little, the devil whispers another sovet.
-It now will not make, - answers kandidat.
through some time the deputy jumps from a place and shouts: "Eureka!" Also whispers line idea. The devil turns pale and otvechayet:
-Yes on you the cross is not present!

*****

Putin in the Kremlin sits, feet in a basin soars, having sprained trousers. Zakhodit
pomoshnik:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich there Germans arrived you hotyat.
putin:
-Well you see, try without menya.
through some time the assistant vozvrashchayetsya:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, debts should be repaid, without you nikak.
putin pulls out feet from a basin and splashes along a corridor with zakatannymi
bryukami. The assistant dogonyaet:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, you would lower a little trousers...
putin undoing bryuki:
-Yo % your mother, and how many owe that?!

*****

Putin at a press conference sits. There is one zhurnalist:
-I from the newspaper of "Washington Post". What will you tell about mass zakhoroneniya
i non-compliance with human rights in Chechnya?
PUTIN:
-Following question .
vstayet another zhurnalist:
-I from the Daily Mirror newspaper. Whether the truth, what in Chechnya is concentration camps i
chto there daily peace people perish?
PUTIN:
- The Following question, You're welcome.
vstayet the third zhurnalist:
-I from the Zyuddoyche Tsaytung newspaper. Clear, please, that proiskhodit
seychas in the Strait of Kerch, what such Tuzla, spit or island, and zachem
russkiye build a dam there?
putin reflects, then looks towards the first zhurnalista:
-That you asked about Chechnya there?

*****

Sit Abramovich with Voloshinym.
abramovich:
-Listen, there is such transfer - "Dolls". It is advisable to close them. They there kuklu
putina show. Hint, so that our president - kukla.
voloshin:
-So there and our dolls est.
abramovich:
-Well, about us with you anybody so will not think.

*****

Valuyev, Putin and Prokhorov sit. Putin:
- And we argue at me from all of us the longest h@y! All right to fill in
-...
- Protection, axe!

*****

Kuchma and Putin.
putin:
-Yes what here to say, Ukraine for us long ago the cut-off chunk sit... sala.
obizhenny Kuchma:
- And Russia for us long ago the cut off... the cut off... the cut off... Want
PUTIN:
-- the gas pipeline?

*****

Luzhkov, Putin and Berezovsky in "Jara" sit. It is necessary to pokutit. Money came to an end,
NU Luzhkov to show daring, suddenly krichit:
-Yes blow up it all my economy!
putin that not otstat:
-Yes sink all my good to the wood goblin!! My
berezovskiy:
-A burn with a blue flame!!!

*****

Two addicts sit, talk. One drugomu:
- And last night Putin dreamed me! That did he tell
-I to you? That it one million dollars will give
- to me!
- Oh well!
- God klyanus.
- And who it?

*****

Sit Putin with Klintonom.
putin: - Here tell me the American, in what force?
klinton:-V money navernoye.
putin: - Here and the brother my Kuchma says that in money. But unless you will be elected for the 3rd time?!

*****

I sit in poppy. Suddenly Putin approached my little table, pulled down French fries, told "To you all the same nobody will believe!", took away Coca and escaped.

*****

- Why a symbol of the pro-Putin party in power "Uniform Russia" is the bear?
- Because having appointed Putin the successor, Yeltsin did Russia a disservice.

*****

- Tell, Wise AZMAG, why Putin resolved opposition rallies in Moscow?
-Putin - the scout, and the scout has to know enemies by sight!
- So why PUTIN will not organize parade of GAYS in Moscow?
-A here the, the scout, WILL never GIVE OUT!

*****

What is the time would leave at Vladimir Putin to read everything zadannye
emu questions and to answer them?
- * ----
ZA 2 hours 55 minutes of communication during "Straight line" the president answered na
55 questions, reading or listening of each of which in srednem
prishlos about 30 seconds. In total arrived 2 million 3 tysyachi
voprosov.
- * ----
prezhde of everything, the president would need to read or listen eti
questions. It would occupy from it about 2 let.
- * ----
vladimir Putin of all answered 175 minutes, on average spending 3,18 minutes na
odin the answer. To answer all questions, it would be required to it chut
bolee 12 let.
- * ----
A that and to listen to all questions, and to answer them, prezidentu
potrebovalos 14 years. In other words, Putin should go not to
chto to the 3rd, but also for the 4th and 5th terms, and working round the clock and ne
zanimayas with any other affairs, except "Straight line". And pri
ustanovlennom the Constitution the 8-hour working day prezidentu
potrebovalos on all this 42 years there are three times more time, namely.

*****

- Putin will be the following president of Russia, but the surname at it will be Medvedev.
-It for conspiracy?
- It for the Constitution!

*****

Following the example of Putin separating from the United Russia, dyavol
said that has no relation to a hell and always the devil acted kak
nezavisimy.

*****

- What happened to jokes about Putin's laconicism? They got
-.

*****

- Listen and why Putin divided Russia into seven districts, but not into six or eight? You in the childhood read to
-A the fairy tale the Wolf and seven kids? Well and he read
-Chital.
-.

*****

- Hear, Kolyan, I read that Putin presented to the wife for St. Valentine's Day this. as it. To Matviyenk!.
DA not to Matviyenk, and Valentine's Day card

*****

From all country the president collected the best minds in the komandu.
poyezda and planes arrived to the capital from St. Petersburg the crowded.

*****

Putin brings together the neighbors. Well, there are they a throne, horns swing, lash. Slime from scales kapayet.
-Why, the sovereign, called?
- I Die, guys. It is necessary to bury somehow here me adequately. That pomnili.
-Yes we thought up everything., Mausoleum. Three letters otkoloty, new we will stick. Everything will be in the best vide.
-That?! Here after everything, what I for Russia made - and you in some shitty Mausoleum are going to bury me?! Yes you, a pancake, all here now before me poumirayete.
bezhali neighbors in a fright. In an hour Sechin comes back, siyaet:
-Agreed, Vladimir Vladimirovich. Agreed with the Pope. In St. Peter's Cathedral will lie. On the most trump place!
- of That?! After everything, what I made for energy security of Europe - in some stremny cathedral? You that there, in general already? You really perhaps before me on a cemetery want?
ubezhal Sechin in fear. In an hour vozvrashchayetsya.
-Well, - speaks, - all. Now will be precisely happy. Agreed with Jews. In the Temple of the Lord's Coffin we will bury you. Actually, also we will put in the Lord's Coffin. But there is a problem. Jews of money prosyat.
vidno, Putin:
-How many became interested?
- Five trillion, - are answered by Sechin.
-Five trillion in three days?! Well, Jews, well, people!

*****

Vladimir Vladimirovich brought together oligarchs from all Russia on совещание:
- Well, I so see, at you affairs well go: the country was privatized, palaces huge built, money saved up... Perhaps it is time and to think of the people?
- Of course, Vladimir Vladimirovich, a shower on five hundred on everyone would not prevent...

*****

Oligarchs gathered for a meeting with Putin. Came into the hall, seated. Putin
vkhodit, all jump and Vladimir
vladiiimirovich shout "Zdraaastvuyte!". Putin passes to the chair, and speaks:
"Hello, sit down". All sit down. Putin opens zhurnal:
-Abramovich!
-Ya!
-of Bendukidze!
-Ya!
-Vekselberg!
-Ya!
...
proveriv of all according to the list, Putin closes the Forbes magazine.

*****

The Chukchi made the first on Chukotka round- The-world plavaniye.
god swam, sticks to the coast - already national geroy.
nu, meet him with an orchestra, gifts give - the TV, the receiver and a box konservov.
zashel the Chukchi in plagues, turned on the TV - on 1 channel - Putin, on the second - Putin, on the third - Putin, on all - Putin.
vyklyuchil the TV. Turned on radio - according to the first program - Putin, on the second - Putin, on all - Putin.
vyklyuchil of radio. The Chukchi thought and did not begin to open some canned food.

*****

Modern imena:
for malchikov:
- * ----
bykap -
vertivlas -
vlapunal -
morgozedir -
pupovzhim -
spervozglip -
spuzavozros -
plapuporos -
punalyup -
puvlavl -
yauvput -
punav -
putosnats -
keneput -
edroput -
natsproyekt - without kommentariyev
uglesir -
yavnandol -
dikzhigros -
podroskol -
temovsor -
ovspop -
puvechecheg -
nekrona -
petropa -
pupla -
chemizavr -
propuk -
kdegodre -
gryshoma -
putinak -
romil -
romilon -
dvina -
nepremesta -
mumeramka - (etnich.)
pedrosya -
- * ----
for devochek:
dvina - the movement - "Our"
nepremesta - the bride of the President I dream stat
mumeramka - (etnich.) the man of dream Ramzan of Kadyrov
trestona - the third term only nachalo
gryzloslisa - Gryzlov and Sliska
kopersustra - Horses - the first a bough strany
kontrerrorina - from kontrterrorizm
vertikalina - from a vertical vlasti
sudona - Groundhogs to good nauchit
prepuzasta - Putin's successor - pledge stabilnosti
plapura - Putin's Plan works!

*****

The message in the press: Whether "The VCIOM conducted anonymous survey of the population on voprosu:
" you Will vote for Putin V. V. if presidential elections take place tomorrow? "
IZ of answers became clear that 75% of respondents would vote for Putin V. V., 2% of respondents did not make a choice yet and 23% - would vote protiv.
v the present to the Russian President Administrations of Putin V. V. actively there is a work on studying of the list of 23 percent of anonymous respondents."

*****

The NERUSHIMYY
PYESA UNION for school art samodeyatelnosti
- * ----
putin - P
lukashenko - L
- * ----
P. You for association?
L. And you it is not aware?
P. What?
L. And unless I did not speak about it?
P. When?
L. You do not remember?
P. So you for the Union?
L. And you?
P. What - You?
L. For, or against?
P. And did not report on you?
L. Who had to report?
P. Generally the credit is necessary to you?
L. And I sometime refused the credits?
P. And somebody gave the credits to you?
L. And you as think?
P. From where to me nobility?
L. How from where?
P. So you for the Union?
L. And you money will give?
P. And you will return them?
L. To whom?
P. And you do not know?
L. What do I have to know?
P. To you in general, it is possible to trust?
L. And to you?
P. So, we will unite?
L. And on what conditions?
P. And on what you want?
L. I will be able to stand in "p"?
P. And unless you and so not in "p"?
L. What do you mean under the word "p"?
P. And you?
L. And free of charge will give oil and gas?
P. And you pay for oil and gas?
L. Really we do not pay?
P. So you will answer me the main issue?
L. What?
P. You for association?
L. And you it is not aware?
- * ----
2 a year later.........
P. You that, take for a ride?
L. And you?

*****

Vladimir Vladimirovich sleeps, and he dreams Iosif of Putin's Vissarionovich.
asks of Stalin:
-I Can help somehow you, and? Why at us everything is bad
-, the economy collapses and etc... What to do to me?
stalin, without reflecting, otvechayet:
-to Shoot all government and to paint walls of the Kremlin in blue tsvet.
-But why in blue?
-Ya and assumed that discussion will be only on the second question.

*****

It became known what exactly was told to the audience on Sunday on fight bez
pravil by V. Putin at the end of the speech: "Do not whistle - money will not be".

*****

Stanislav Govorukhin finished shootings of the documentary about Putine.
film "Owner Shoygi" is called.

*****

V. Putin's page on Odnoklassniki.ru: My page: site of the government of Rossii
moi of the message: site of public reception FSB
POISK of people: site MVD
DRUZYA: site of administration prezidenta
druzya friends: list of the Russian Forbs
soobshchestva edition: site of informal communication St. Petersburg brigad
fotografii: a naked torso at the river

*****

Surkov:
-Again say that in Russia there is a lot of corrupt officials and the number them rastet.
putin:
-is Lied. I do not know how you, and I, for example, with anybody am not going to share.

*****

The USA - the most democratic country in the world. In it even the Black can become a president!
B of Russia such in principle cannot be - Putin has no familiar Blacks.

*****

- What is the short castling?
- When Medvedev changes with Putin chairs on 4 goda.
- And what such queen's side castling?
- When Putin changes with Medvedev chairs for 8 years.

*****

- A creature I shivering or have the right?
- Into the account of all Right is not sure, but here our Judicial system, Vladimir Vladimirovich, you have for sure.

*****

It is now finally clear that A. Pushkin is our everything, Z. Tsereteli is ours everywhere, and V. Putin is ours forever.

*****

Test for Iq.
vyberi of option of continuation of a saying: "The bitter truth, chem:
a) lozh
b) impudent lozh
v) Gref's report to the president Putin is better.

*****

- Something I za@batsya the clock to put when over the country I am wound!
Think up che a thread, Dim? Everything I will make
-, the Second World War!
Annual message of the Russian President Dmitry Medvedev: "It is necessary to consider possibi

*****

Whether only 5% of Russians correctly answered the question VTsIOMA
"you Like our President?"