Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Putin

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- Shlomo, you heard, Putin on the air sent all dissatisfied with elections to three bukvy.
-Izya, really he told on the air this word, where in the middle a letter "U"?
- Is not present, Shlomo, it sent all to court, but it does not change an essence

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- And what it there, on the horizon, shines?
-Victor Fedorovich, same solntse.
-Okhrenet. I want to myself same to Donetsk.

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Azarov Yanukovichu:
-Victor Fedorovich, guess zagadku
-NU
-Two ends, two rings, and in the middle of carnations?
-.... Fir-tree!
- Not - and, scissors. And here still: Without windows, without doors - the room lyudey
-is full... Fir-tree!
- Not - and, a water-melon. And well: Without hands, without feet, and risuyet
-... well exact Fir-tree!
- Not - and, a frost...
- That got, you, Azarych when, the pancake, about a fir-tree is.

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Anna Hermann all night long did not sleep: was afraid that Victor Fedorovich will not remember 58 words of the oath or will insert something about Chekhov …

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The Armenian Radio sprosili:
-Why Pinchuk does not want that Yanukovych became the president???
armyanskoye of Radio otvechayet
-Because Yanukovych has no daughters!

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Two men threw a coin. Also thought so: if a reshka - I vote for Yushchenko if an eagle - against all if falls on an edge - at all we do not vote and if hangs in mid-air - for Yanukovych …

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- What happens if Tymoshenko will not give money to your inauguration?
-Akhmetov Then give me the money for the coronation.

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In kindergarten the teacher recalculates pampers. One not hvatayet.
-So, again Yushchenko! Vitya, go here! You why pampers put on? Well that you complain! I told you, today we will not go to that platform where Yanukovych plays!

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In Ivano-Frankovsk in Yanukovych threw Egg and he understood that "the nationalism is an illness".
B to Vinnytsia in it threw tomato and he understood that extremism it bolezn.
v to Odessa threw a bit of apple and he understood that liberalizm it bolezn.
tak occurred ideological formation of the great politician from a capital Church Slavonic letter Ya.

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- Why in the subway and in general below than two meters do not hang up Yanukovych's portraits?
- is afraid to be learned that the people really think of it...

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In news of the 5th channel...
B the Black Sea in attempt to cross the Ukrainian-Russian border turned over the boat with Kuchma, Yanukovych, Kivalov and three rybakami.
odin the fisherman was lost, two look for, other three in search.

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In the middle of Orange revolution of 2004 when the country inevitably slid to accident, and Hitler and Chikatilo could envy Yanukovych's image, the despair seized Victor Fedorovich. And he made that the people who lost a sincere support often do: whether went to gadalke.
- There Will be I the president of Ukraine? - asked on.
-Rather a Black will become U.S. President! - the ominous answer followed.

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In the village Obenizhy of the Turiysky area on Volhynia during the first round there were "observers" from Yanukovych from Kharkov.
ONI agitated for Yanukovych, offered money but who refused and who did not give out the opinion.

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The Supreme Court, Yanukovych's complaints concerning revoting are considered on December 26. Sudya:
-How cats with a ribbon influenced result of elections?
SHUFRICH:
-Oni was mewed and drove away disabled people from ballot boxes …

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Evening. Bank. Victor Fedorovich sits at a table in an office. Drinks a cognac shot glass, takes paper and pishet:
"to the Prime minister of Ukraine Victor Fedorovich Yanukovych from the prime minister of Ukraine Victor Fedorovich Yanukovych zayavleniye.
ya, Victor Fedorovich Yanukovych, 19... year of birth, I ask to exempt me from fulfillment of duties of the prime minister of Ukraine. Date. Signature".
vnimatelno looks at paper, pours still a shot glass, vypivayet.
sekundu thinks and writes under the statement: "To refuse".

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Adult radio the Chanson is authorized to declare that in connection with election as the President of Ukraine of Victor Yanukovych it changes the name. On the First national.

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Victor Fedorovich! What your favourite transfer?
-Tea and cigarettes!

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- Victor Fyodorovich, how to you China?
- the Beautiful country with rich culture: Samurais, Saca, Oriental cherries... Especially I liked the Chinese national tradition - a hara-kiri.

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Victor Yanukovych considers that is inadmissible that the country was plundered by different easy riders. The people of Ukraine on elections accurately told who has to be engaged in it.

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Victor Yanukovych with enthusiasm examines the map of the Caucasus on a table and, is unexpected for itself, finds on this card South Ossetia... Enthusiastically udivlyaetsya:
-Ghanaian! You from me hid something!!!

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- Vitek, and you will be able to operate Ukraine?
yanukovich takes the calculator, something long considers, and at last speaks:
-I Can!
-A America?
-Yanukovych again for kalkulyator:
-I Can!
-A China?
posle long podschetov:
-Is not

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During Yanukovych and Barroso's meeting, Victor Fedorovich silently signed the Contract on cooperation Ukraine EU and silently was removed, knowing that journalists already prepared artful questions on geography.

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Question Armenian radio:
-Why egg got to Yanukovych to a breast?
- Under laws statistical vyborki.
-As it?
-U of the average Ukrainian one breast and one egg.

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Question: if Yanukovych is elected the president, what banner will flash in the Internet most often?
otvet: A banner on which it will be written - WORK FOR INHABITANTS OF KIEV IN DONETSK...

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I have a doctor of Yanukovichu:
-Victor Fedorovich for you two news: good and bad. Good that we examined you was not found what damages. And the second that we found in you an incurable disease and you will become history of psychiatry as the first person sick YaYTsEFOBIEY!

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Two programmers meet. One speaks drugomu:
"Remember how in 6-7 Word there were problems with letters "Ya" and "Ch" in the editor of formulas?" .
"Yes, and what? "
" da I just now understood that already then the American supporters of Yushchenko prepared an action against Yanukovych".

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Two meet ukraintsa:
-You for whom will vote on elections?
- For Yanukovych!
-A, bratello, I also did not know that you too sat.

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Two shchiry Ukrainians Yanukovych and Rabinovich:
rabinovich meet: - How there "our Ukraine"?
yanukovich: - There will be ours soon...

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- Yesterday saw on the TV as Yanukovych gave to Azarov an assignment to make the budget in kv_tn_ month. And why Azarov wrote down date, could not remember?
- He does not know that the word kv_ten means, aurally wrote down that Deputy Prime Ministers t

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- You for whom will vote?
For Yanukovych …
well do not want, do not speak …

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Elections took place, voices counted. It became clear that one person voted for Yanukovych on this polling precinct.

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Causes Yushchenko and Yanukovych's CEC to explain with a request sources of financing their pre-election kampaniy.
yushchenko: "You see these hundreds of thousands people on the Maidan?"
-"yes". - "Each of them translated 10 gr., and on this money we could finance our campaign" .
yanukovich: - "You see this new bridge through Dnieper?"
-"no".
-"Here on This Money I Financed the Campaign" …

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Yanukovych Tigipko causes and is interested as, type, the people to its criminal records otnositsya.
tigipko: Well, we told the people, you sat as the fighter for freedom, as... Mandela...
yanukovich: Well for MANDELA, you still will answer...

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Yanukovych won elections. Takes the oath. Whether put a paw on Konstitutsiyu.
ego sprashivayut:
-you Swear to observe laws of Ukraine?
- of Bl * I will be!

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Yanukovich:
-If someone acts my words offend that the woman's place in kitchen, let does not consider itself as the woman.

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V. Yanukovych addresses voters. Those ask it questions. Next question: "Tymoshenko declared once that a cord you will become a president, gyomny Ukraine there will be "Vladimir Prison". Whether truth it?
Ya.: Yes, I and will make, I will change gimn
izbiratel: You prefer the Chanson?
Ya.: I prefer chamber music.

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Yanukovych went out of prison and morning performance registered in kindergarten muzruky rabotat.
through 6 months. In total ozhidayut.
zakhodit Yanukovych, takes a bayan and poyet
-Went the Greek through the river - sees the Greek in an ass a cancer Children of chorus, clapping v
ladoshi
-Put the Greek a hand in an ass - a cancer suddenly it... HUYaK.

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It became clear why Yanukovych does such long pauses between offers and even words - Anna Hermann taught him to insert matyuk not aloud, and about herself!

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2005 Ukraine. There are entrance examinations to institute. The teacher asks at abituriyenta:
-Tell, the young man, and here that in our country is the leading and directing force?
yunosha claps glazami.
- And you know, what there is such Party of Regions?
- Yes heard something... You know
-A how call the president of Ukraine?
- Is not present, not znayu.
-Well, eventually, you know, who such Victor Fedorovich Yanukovych? - The first time slyshu.
-It is very strange. Forgive, and from where you to us arrived to enter the institute? - From Ukhryupinki.
professor vzdykhayet:
-Ekhkhkhkh, a pancake to throw everything on a horse-radish and to go to this Ukhryupinka!