Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Yanukovych

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There comes Yanukovych on a press conference, comes into a conference room, and there - one baryshni.
yanukovich interesuyetsya:
- And where all men?.
-A told protection - with eggs not to let!

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There comes Yanukovych for work, and shoes - one yellow, another - chernyy.
emu speak: - Victor Fyodorovich, excuse, but you have shoes of different color...
- From, blya, and what to do to me now?
-A you go home - pereobuytes.
through hour arrived - again in different shoes, sad such... -???
- Yes, arrived home, and there too the different...

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Yanukovych with the girl in perfumery magazin:
-to me comes spirits "The girl of the cop" are necessary.
- What?
-"Girl of the Cop", blin.
devushka Yanukovych shows on prilavok:
- These - spirits "Ms. the opera".

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Yanukovych to Kuchma comes and speaks:
-A you saw, what watch to himself Yushchenko bought? No. And well show!

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- And it is a transforming axe because still yesterday it was Azarov's shovel, and tomorrow will turn into a usual rake.

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The advertizing campaign "Presidents - for Yanukovych proceeds!" After on the air of the Ukrainian television Vladimir Putin praised economic progress of the government of Yanukovych, Lukashenko noted also his democratic character, Nazarbayev - disinterestedness, Aliyev - honesty, Niyazov - modesty. And only Aslan Maskhadov wished to Yanukovych to choose more attentively than friends.

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Yanukovych's wife wakes up in the morning and right there receives a strong clip from muzha.
-Vitya! For what? I for you!
- Silly woman you, confused! - Yanukovych-look in a window, the city of Donetsk almost empty shouts! All addicts put on orange jackets and went to Kiev to the Maidan to guzzle the pinned oranges!!

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Putin and Medvedev in the Kremlin … Lavrov.
putin:
-Well what news from Ukraine comes?
LAVROV:
-As always, news two. One bad, another horoshaya.
medvedev:
-Give horoshuyu.
-Tymoshenko will not be the president of Ukrainy.
- And bad?
- the President of Ukraine became Yanukovych …

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Talk two Ukrainian politika.
-you heard, our prime minister Yanukovych puts forward the kanditatura on presidential vybory.
-Yes, and know what pre-election slogan at it - "Opportunity
- proved by business" strangely, after all all know that Yanukovych's possibilities are proved by TWO cases.

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Conversation of 2 Western Ukraintsev
(1) - Kuma!
(2) - Sho, Mykolu???
(1) - You chuv at Yanukovych yayets of a popala!
(2) - And sho not bulo grenades???

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Kuchma's conversation (To) with Yanukovych: You know
-(K) Vitya, I probably will go to the third term! You know
-(Ya) A Lenya, I already probably for the third term do not want!

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- With what Yanukovych from Japan will return? - Will bring for opposition "The self-instruction manual on a hara-kiri".

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For quite some time now favourite expression of Yanukovych became: "Ai da Chekhov, ouch yes son of a bitch!"

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V. F. Yanukovych became the most popular hero of jokes following the results of 2004 by right, having overtaken at etom:
vovochku - in 2 raza;
chapayeva - in 10 RAZ;
MUZHA, come back from business trip - in 40 raz;
evreya - in 100 raz;
poruchika Rzhev - in 150 raz;
chukchu - by 3000 times!

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SBU reports on Yanukovych: "A disturbing tendency - now citizens of Ukraine when drink speak so: "Well, the first toast for the sniper. Well, that did not miss the mark"

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Sit at a glass of tea Kuchma with Yanukovych. Here report what the President of Belarus Lukashenko intends to run in the 3rd raz.
yanukovich addresses to Kuchma - a pier, the father and how you look about the 3rd term?
kuchma answers - and you as look? Especially as you already have two.

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- Heard, to Zakarpatye mother called the newborn son Yanukovych?
Now there is a hope that Yanukovych will be brought at least on televised debates from Tymoshenko.

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- Heard, at the request of Yanukovych his administration carried out control purchase of drugs?
Why it did not entrust professionals, for example, Chernovetskoma?
Apparently, Lena will charge these drugs to destroy.

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Heard, "Ukrtelecom" was sold without competition at the starting price?
-I about what tells it?
That, now Yanukovych will be not only zavgary, but also the operator.

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There was Yanukovych Prezedentom of Ukraine. Also issued the First Prezedentsky Decree: From now on on the state. service in Ukraine only the people who had criminal records will be accepted.

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As Yanukovych promised to punish ministers who will not have a rest in the Crimea this summer, many of them decided to go to Canary Islands to work

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Phone call in Yanukovych's apartment, the wife takes trubku.
-Allo.
zhensky a voice: - Hallo, hello, and Victor it is possible to invite to phone?
- Yes, of course, and who asks it?
-A is Natasha, it odnoklassnitsa.
-B ** d you, but not the schoolmate, Vitya at school did not study!

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- Now, the godfather, Yulya will not be able to accuse Yanukovych that he grabbed state property!
- Why?
- Well as - Mezhigorye as was the presidential residence, so and will be now!

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- Tymoshenko promised that Yanukovych will not be easy to play golf and tennis!
- therefore instructed the security service immediately perepryatat his stick and rackets.

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- To Tom Shcho... - Yanukovych and zadumalsya.
-We - crew told, - Kuchma added.

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The dealer at Sorochinsky fair complains drugomu:
-Stolko the people, and anybody nothing pokupayet.
-Estestvenno, same Yanukovych's protection.

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The Armenian radio sprashivayut:
-That will have if to Yanukovych give the THIRD term? He will write
- words with THREE mistakes

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- Why Yanukovych's wife so terrible?
- Do you think that the prison correspondence can get acquainted with the beautiful?

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Ask Yanukovych: Tell
-, professor, whether is life on Mars?
- You see is not present. Same orange planet!

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- Felon!
- prostitute!
- This concludes pre-election debate of presidential candidates in Ukraine.

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- Ukraine for the second time this year to celebrate troitsu.
-How is it?
-Yanukovych three consecutive days will celebrate its anniversary.

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Ukraine won at the Olympic Games in Athens gold in a throwing molota.
posledniye events on soccer in Rome and with Yanukovych in Ivano-Frankovske
govoryat that the good example is infectious.

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Ukraine, December, 2004. Presidential Administration …
pakhan looked round the audience and said:
-Brothers! Zapadlo, I feel! Among us the musoryonok shameful was got!
ODIN from attendees (shy):
- Well why you so, Victor Fedorovich? I though the Minister of Internal Affairs - but the boy correct, do not break the law, on concepts I live, I am responsible for a market …

*****

Ukraina.
stoit man, krichit:
-People! Let's come to the power to the bandit and the criminal!
TUT, naturally, the man's cops on kidneys and in bobik.
muzhik krichit:
-For what? I meant Moroz!
A menty:
-Go, go, we know who at us the bandit and the criminal!

*****

Having successfully read in Kanev Shevchenko on a piece of paper abated, Yanukovych decided that it is not so terrible, and left Ukrainian state.

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Morning after the 2nd round of election of the president of Ukrainy.
tigipko comes to Yanukovych and reports that it has 2 news: good and plokhaya.
-Begin with bad, - Yanukovych,
-U of Yushchenko of 51% of voices,
- - mlya, so asks and, what can be good news?
-U you 63%!

*****

In the morning after elections the chairman of Central Election Commission to Yanukovych and speaks:
- At me two news - good and bad comes. The first: You were elected in public by Prezidentom.
- And what bad?
- For you nobody voted.

*****

The teacher asks Vovochka, whether he knows Tsiolkovsky, Kulibin, Popov? You know
-A Grey, Zubaty and Yanukovych? I do not know
-, - answers dumbfounded uchitelnitsa.
-Well and there is nothing to frighten me by the gang.

*****

- Fedorovich?
- So, Yanich.
-of the IMF to a zapit є, ti rakhuvat vm і є sh? I Smear
- - one, two, three, chotir, p'yat, sh_st, s_m, v_s_m, dev'yat, ten...
-A dal_ you can? I Smear
- y dal_ - a jack, the lady, the king, an ace...