Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about April 1

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Once, for April 1 presented to Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin Volshebnoye
zerkalo.
vladimir Vladimirovich approached the Mirror. Suddenly its reflection saido:
-Hi, bratet!
- Who are you, - Vladimir with astonishment asked Vladimirovich.
-I? Nitup - democratically elected monarch of the 10th korolevstva.
- And why you have hours on the left hand?
- Yes, it they at you on pravoy.
k suited Nitup in a mirror chelovek.
-Get acquainted, Volodya, is Niches - the deputy Moyey of Administratsii.
s of other party approached Nitup one more chelovek.
- And this is Vokrus - one more deputy Moyey of Administratsii.
v a mirror seemed the pompous young man with goat borodkoy.
- And this is my consultant for economy of Ferg. Do not turn on it vnimaniya.
-Dak you, che, type into a world behind the looking-glass perhaps? - Vladimir asked Vladimirovich.
-Or you. Who knows?. Here bring to a mirror any bumazhku.
vladimir Vladimirovich took the first leaf from a table. SOVERShENNO
SLUChAYNO it appeared balance of Yukos. Vladimir Vladimirovich brought a leaf to a mirror. Article of balance "Retained earnings" in a mirror turned into "Debt on payment of taxes". Than it you are engaged in
-here? - Volodenka approached a mirror some strannaya
zhenshchina.
-Aaaaa, look who came! It after all Chivomarba!!!
predstavlyaesh, it contains team in the third kingdom gladiatorov.
sportivnaya all such...
B a mirror seemed some chelovek
-Volodya, we have on a visit mister Shub - the emperor Pervogo korolevstva.
-Well, everything, got, - Vladimir Vladimirovich shouted. He grabbed with stola
lampu with the green lamp shade and started it in the Mirror. It was distributed zvon
razbitogo glasses, the lamp disappeared in Zazerkalye.
-Ah, you still to throw lamps, - Nitup cried out, - receive!
B the room through a frame of the broken mirror flew gold podsvechnik.
-Here a sediment, - Vladimir Vladimirovich murmured, sitting down v
prezidentskoye a chair.

*****

- Father! On February 23 we congratulated you on mother. On March 8, we with toboy
pozdravlyali mother. And when you will congratulate together me?
- Following your holiday! We will congratulate you on April 1. In den
tvoyego an angel.

*****

On the first of April the boy approaches mother and speaks: - Mother! Mother! The stranger got into our drawing room and bangs our maid! - My God! What horror! - I joked! It not the stranger, but our father!

*****

In my opinion, the plans about a gain of the national team of a title of champions of Europe and medals of the World Cup sounded RFU too early. It was necessary sdelat
1 APRIL.

*****

The girlfriend calls podruge:
-Hallo, Light, today the first of April, still nobody played you?
- Is not present, you know, I cannot be played. Let's chat then, I now in competitions uchastvuyu.
-In what?
- Called the husband, told that I am invited to competition among the best zhen.
i he already waits for me on the finish with friends, with the camera, with flowers, with beer, and is sure that I will win. And it is necessary to warm the iron houses and to run s
nim to a pivbar, there the finish at whom the iron on the finish will appear the hottest, that and won. Everything, I ran.

*****

Congratulations to 1 aprelya
1 we Congratulate Irina Bulkina that she lost the weight in a few minutes. Weight fell so quickly that put injuries grazhdaninu
neverovu which at this moment stood under oknom.
2 Friends and colleagues congratulate the manager Pyotr Uryvayev, which овладел
16-tyyu languages in meat department of the Seven Kids supermarket yesterday.
3 the Administration "Little Red Riding Hood" solemnly congratulates clients of a pawnshop on approach of loan day! The
4 Station of "Ambulance" of the city of Hryukinsk congratulates citizens s
mezhdunarodnym in the afternoon of health and reminds that phone 03 on two-three holidays will be switched-off. Good to you health!
5 the Ministry of Culture thanks the duty surgeon aeroporta
sheremetyevo-2 for disposal of the citizen Zhuliko Prikhvatini of gold dust in kidneys, inflammations of egg of Faberg? and from a necklace in a stomach for the sum of half a million euros!
6 the Immigration service of Russia congratulates companion Ne Suysyanya that he became the million illegal immigrant from China and gives it the free ticket in the opposite direction! We ask to sing the song "Wang Wei Tiket" of
(One way ticket) for the hero of the anniversary!
7 C the first shooting of the actor Zhuan Polutitrov congratulates a fire-fighting crew number OPA-7 - on a call of neighbors of the naked actor removed a fire-escape from the citizen Obilnoy's balcony. Firefighters wish it new creative achievements after an exit from Sklifosofsky's institute!
8 UNESCO congratulates Ivan Ivanovich Vesyolkin, without a certain residence, on the World Day of the nature for collecting beer glassware and cigarette packs under windows of high school No. 2004!
9 the Personnel of Elektrosila shop congratulates Akulina Besprosvetnuyu on the termination of a warranty period for the favourite Comet vacuum cleaner and gives it short circuit and festive fireworks from sparks!

*****

Understand, jokes is not federal grants, they have to simple people reach!

*****

Provident people since the morning smear to themselves backs with chalk on the first of April then not to turn around after each silly joke.

*****

- I arrived somehow from business trip on April 1st. Also solved over zhenoy
podshutit. Bought it spirits, candies different, lipsticks.... I always tell at once
-A to the wife: I will return a pier of the eighth, in trinadtsat
dvadtsat. At home I

*****

The nature too prepared for us a joke for April first - she claims that a month there is a spring.

*****

Putin bought "Field"...
AVTOVAZ will not lift it, and mood to people in April Fools' days lightened!

*****

Stierlitz decided to play somehow on April 1st M?ller, approaches it ispeaks:- And whether you know, M?ller, what I am the Russian scout? - No, I do not know, - M?ller in turn played Stierlitz.

*****

- Since April 1st on all optics it is necessary to have the license as on sostavnuyu
chast oruzhiya.
-Got, four-eyes...

*****

Since April 1st strawberry with taste of a condom went on sale.

*****

The wittiest people on Earth - elevator operators. The understanding of it comes when on April 1, having bought provisions for a week, upon return from shop rise with bags by the eighth floor on foot.

*****

The most popular draw in Holland for April 1 - to present to the friend a flour.

*****

- Heard news! The Russian President Medvedev, and also the high-ranking officials ego
administratsii will report on the income and property until the end of March!
-A of the declaration will be likely published on the site of the Kremlin and in mass

*****

- Heard, the first of April will be in pyatnitsu.
-Yes? If only it would not be Friday, the thirteenth.

*****

The president Medvedev and residents "Comedy club" gathered on April 1 in the Kremlin. Residents began to think to the president cheerful zagadki.
-That on light of all is lovelier?
- Modernization! - without reflecting, Medvedev.
-answered Is not present, Dmitry Anatolyevich, an ass! - And residents cheerfully zasmeyalis.
-Still! - demanded prezident.
-That at sober on mind, and at drunk in language?
- Well now modernization?
- Is not present, Dmitry Anatalyevich, an ass. - And residents again cheerfully zasmeyalis.
-Misters! - plaintively the president threw up the hands. - Well when budet
"modernization"? I too want to laugh.

*****

The CEC reports: at numerous requests of citizens, results vyborov
2 will be announced March on April 1

*****

Chinovniki-hokhmachi at first have a laugh, but then so were frightened of the joke that Yakovlev anything about it was not told, and ate the letter at dinner with bread.

*****

The American division on doctrines overcomes a water barrier. The inspecting general asks at komandira:
-Losses of staff at a crossing were?
- is not present In any way. However, yesterday two of a battalion of operators drowned, but this morning we caught them.

*****

Be sexual. In night of the defender Otechestva appear before the wife in black sateen trusakh.
vtyani a stomach, inflate bicepses, strike in air with a heel about pyatku.
otmetivshis thus, switch to a football match on the TV.

*****

In a military registration and enlistment office the recruit complains ofitseru:
-Companion colonel and why from army you from all take for an excuse 500, and from me 1000 dollars?
- Because, dear Chmyrev, one your surname on 800 dollars pulls!!!

*****

In off-duty time the ensign Ivanov bungled - was at war on the party of the opponent.

*****

Due to the irreversible climate changes in a midland of Russia the Holiday of Spring is postponed since March 8 to February 23.

*****

At school of the girl congratulated guys on the 23rd fevralya.
nastala turn of guys to congratulate little girls since March 8th. Well those sit and solve, what gift sdelat.
sasha: - I think, once he presents kosmetiku.
sergey: - And I think, it is necessary to present everyone flowers and something from office prinadlezhnostey.
Vovochka: - Outside March. All of us were born in a year of the Cat...
Bce: - And che. you want to present toys?
Vovochka: - What nafig toys?!!! The main thing to be defined: Who whom will bang!!!

*****

Takes place in school of ensigns urok:
-Look, it is a thumb, it is index, it is anonymous, it is average, and it is a little finger. Now we disturb, we disturb, we disturb... - the lecturer speaks moving with fingers. - And now we call - where what.

*****

question :
"what Roll-on deodorant of the Turkish firm Petya will receive as a gift for February 23rd?"

*****

All answers to congratulations since February 23 and on March 8 share on two categories: 1) Thanks, is very pleasant 2) Thanks, and it who?

*****

Two meet after February 23 psa.
odin all is redressed, hardly dyshit.
-That with you?
- the Owner izbil.
-For what?
- were Bitten by me ego.
-Yes for what?! You Present to
-, got drunk, the reptile, and all my medals fastened...

*****

Two colleagues meet. To one another speaks:
-was on a visit Yesterday, you ate a herring under shuboy.
-Yes and in army bread under a blanket guzzled!

*****

Yesterday we stay at home with the spouse, we drink beer. About that, about this we talk. And here darling remembered about 23 fevralya.
-listen, on Saturday 23, it is necessary to buy you a gift, give you new jeans we will buy, it is hryvnias 200 and to me by March 8 I now spisochek napishu.
pisala the list of minutes 10.
- turn out 1650 griven.
-well, - I speak: list!
- boots - 650 UAH, shoes - 350 UAH, stockings 3sht - 100 UAH, lipstick and spirits - 350 UAH, trousers - 200 UAH, total: 1650 UAH of
-A jeans?
- yes not jeans are not necessary to me so far, at me three couples more almost new!

*****

Having drunk still vodka, with the person smeared with soot Stierlitz with concentration looked for baked potato in a fireplace. Without having found, he looked in a calendar and as usual at the watch. "Strange. Today on March 18, 2 hours 53 minutes! And I thought, still on February 23".

*****

Day off on February 23: not too cheap for 3-day 8marta?

*****

The Guards shooting division for doctrines urgently needs the skilled machine gunner. It is desirable with the machine gun.

*****

The general waddlingly goes on the bridge, looks a lazy look around and it was necessary, the soldier caught sight to it. The soldier as usual in absence without leave also wants to slip by, pretending, what does not notice generala.
general:
-Soldiers, your mother, it that such?! Why did not salute?!
SOLDAT:
-According to the 147th point of the charter on the bridge is not saluted!
general became puzzled, flaunted and at once home, came, looked through the charter, found the necessary point, reads and ofigivayet:
"Item 147. The soldier has to be resourceful and dared."

*****

The general comes with check to part. All military constructed. The general zdorovayetsya:
- it is healthy, sonnies!
- Gav. gav, gav, gav!
- How are you doing?
- Gav, gav, gav, gav!
- And if it is honest?
- U-u-u-u-u.

*****

Gena's crocodile of Cheburashke:
-speaks I Look at you, the Cheburashka, and I do not know: whether since February 23rd to congratulate you, whether since March 8th?