Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about February 23

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2099...
armiya of Russia became computerized and superprestigious. There is medkomissiya.
vrach:
-Well, a recruit. With health at you it is unimportant, hair long so we send you to HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION, on legal profilyu.
- The Doctor! I cannot in HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION! I at the first examination will kick the bucket! And if grandfathers force the paper to write???
- Sonny... Someone has to in Russia in HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTIONS study. So... Do the duty, the student...

*****

The girl to the guy the day before 23 fevralya:
- The Sms costs money, and all that costs money, it is considered a gift.

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The girl asks moryaka:
-Tell, the sea beautiful?
- Sorry, never saw. I am a submariner - That happened to the destroyer "Unsinkable" - the sailor tovarishcha.
-asks Potonul.
-As so?
- You saw the rock before an entrance to our bay? Yes, konechno
- And here they it did not notice
-.

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On privale:
-Petrov, you still have a dialogue water?
- Of course, is, bratan.
-As you dare to address so to the senior on a rank!
- Sorry, companion sergeant, is not present water.

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For a start my favourite old joke, can it not absolutely about "on February 23", and it is more about army in general, but nevertheless!

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- Expensive! I returned from work!
- Hi, darling! of
-why we have Darling a bald cat?! Oh, you know
-, yesterday asked what girlfriends to you to give a gift for February 23, they advised to shave a cat. With a holiday my defender!

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Dear women!
pozdravlyaem you with a remarkable holiday - the 23rd of February on old style! Man's
VASHI.

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Dochka:
papa! Father! What you with mother will present to us for March 8?
-Lineyku.
-A why to us ruler!? That a horse-radish to measure
-A which you with mother presented to me for February 23!

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If the Minister of Defence Ivanov works a year more, following on February 23 it is necessary to rename into Day of the Halfback Otechestva.

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The wife muzhu:
-mine to you a gift for February 23 - the certificate on increase penisa.
- And you is sure, what it to me a gift?

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The wife puts a cognac bottle to the bar and speaks to the husband: - saw? will stand till February 23! the husband takes off trousers: - saw? will lie till March 8!).

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The wife and the mother-in-law address to muzhiku:
- And what you will present to us for March 8?
husband : - Ruler! That you could measure that H%y which you presented to me for February 23!

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The wife in the morning on March 8 awakes the husband and asks:
-with the Road. You remember, what today a holiday?
- Of course, I remember. Today on February 23 on old style.

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The ensign got sick, lies in a bed, is depressed. Round it strives Wife:
-Well you want, the hubby? Perhaps soup? It is heavy to
-to Swallow, - groans husband .
-Perhaps squashes thin?
- It, in a throat not prolezet.
- Then, maybe, vodka a glass?
- Here after all you, what harmful: all the time from a distance you begin. After all itself perfectly you know that will return me to a system!

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Zampolit moralizes to the officer - the fan vypit:
-If you did not drink, the lieutenant, would be kapitanom.
-Thanks for council long ago. But when I will drink, always I feel like the major.

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The sergeant in kazarmu:
- The Soldier why boots are not cleaned comes?!
-A it you not kasayetsya.
-That?! (blow to a physiognomy) Why boots are not cleaned?! Shoe polish
- net.
- And it does not concern me! After all I then told
-.

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- Ivanov?
- I!
- Petrov?
- I!
- Detsl?
- Yohe!!!

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There is on barracks an ensign, sees - the soldier hammers a nail into a board, a
tot bends and not lezet.
praporshchik:
-Hey in any way, Vorontsov, you that, are not able to hammer a nail, well, give me .
vzyal it a nail and in the face of the amazed soldier "bang" on it golovoy
i hammered on most shlyapku.
soldat:
-Now that's something like it! And you, companion ensign, in a concrete wall could?
praporshchik:
-Of course!
podoshli to a wall: "bang" - the same outcome!
SOLDAT:
-A in tank armor could?
praporshchik:
-Easily!
podoshli to the tank, put a nail to armor. The ensign scratched the forehead i
opyat-ak will give them on gvozdyu, and the nail punched thickness of armor, a
dalshe - not idet.
on once again struck and still... All the same - not poluchayetsya.
praporshchik:
- And well, Vorontsov, look, in what I such strong popal.
vlez the soldier at the tank, opened the hatch, glanced in it and speaks:
- And, well it is clear, companion ensign, zampolit sleeps here.

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There are two privates on barracks. The foreman goes them on a meeting. One private govopit:
-Give another, speaks, Vasya with the foreman we will joke!
- Enough! Already with the dean joked!

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There are classes in the charter guard sluzhby.
- The Private Ivanov! You stand on a post and notice that to you the person creeps up. Your actions? I Will allocate for
-our battalion commander home.

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From the personal diary Vovochki:
-on February 23 - Day of the Defender!
- on February 24 - Day of the Halfback!
- - Sent on February 25 the Goalkeeper behind beer …

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From the letter of the sailor home. "Dear mother, I came to the Navy because I liked the purity and an order supported by the ship. But only a week ago I understood who maintains this purity".

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Defender of the Fatherland Day allows to make most accurately the list of those who should be congratulated since "the eighth of March".

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By a light holiday on February 23 the Ministry of Defence let out the additional circulation of congratulatory call-up papers.

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Every year for February 23 the secretary gives me the same gift. But it is devilishly pleasant to me!!!

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As you will meet on February 23 - so on March 8 and you will carry out.

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As on February 23 will halloo, so on March 8 and it karaokntsya.

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- What best gift to the man for February 23?
- Output the 24th!

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What best gift to the man for February 23?
- Output the 24th!!!

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The captain speaks to the sergeant:- Sergeant! Want to receive the lieutenant?
TOT: - Of course I want!
kapitan: - Here the address, will eat and will take away the lieutenant Ivanov from a sobering-up station.

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The committee of soldiers' mothers submitted in the State Duma for consideration the bill on renaming on February 23 in "Day of protection of the defender of the fatherland"

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Concert of military ensembles. The compere-ensign objyavlyaet:
-Acts summary chorus N-skoy of a division. Russian national song "Steppe yes steppe, KRRRRUUU-GOM!"

*****

The crocodile Gena speaks to the Cheburashka (thoughtfully, so):
- are Watched by me at you, the Cheburashka, and do not know on what to congratulate you: roofing felts since March 8, roofing felts since February 23...

*****

Buy edges, foam and socks before the 23rd, nonplus the wife.

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The lieutenant addresses to serzhantu:
-In what direction we go?
- On yug.
-is correct. From where you know?
- to me becomes teplee.
soldat turned a mug upside down and approaches to praporshchiku:
-Look, what glass: iron, and top zapayan.
-Wow and here also the bottom is not present!

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The best gift to the woman for March 8 - the gift given by the hands. The best gift to the man for February 23 - the gift given by the mouth.

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The best gift for February 23rd. the wife collected things and left to mother, and then calls by telephone and apologizes...

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People share not those who is ready to lay down life for the Fatherland, and on those who is capable to find for it other application.

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The boy Petya in conversation with the girl Sveta of 18 times said the word "cigarette case", 12 times the word "hours", 10 times the phrase "boxing gloves". And more than two hundred times stared at Sveta.