Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about February 23

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After holidays we with the girlfriend sported in the gifts given each other for February 23 and on March 8: it all such in a mink fur coat, and I - all such in new socks, pants and with an umbrella.

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Why the prices of shaving foam and pants by February 23 do not change, and here flowers by March 8 rise in price twice?

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Praporshchik:
-to Bring you in an open country, to put facing a wall. And to start up to you a bullet in a forehead.

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Ensign: - Musicians are?
- Yes!
- to Zampolit to LIFT a piano on the 5th floor!

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I suggest to unite on February 23 and on March 8 and to make clearing.

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The teacher addresses to auditorii:
- Companions cadets, there are three ways of the solution of any tasks: correct, incorrect and army.

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Comes nearer on February 23... World day of shaving foam.

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There arrives the young lieutenant to the duty station and the service sees on a check point of another leytenanta.
-Well, how here? - asks.
-Yes anything, - that answers, - that year, a new rank...
- So that you all in lieutenants go?
- So I here the colonel arrived!.

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- Hi buddy! How on February 23 met?
- is bad! The wife since morning spoiled mood. As stuck: "Throw out a fir-tree, throw out a fir-tree …"

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There arrived the general (incognito) to part, quietly into barracks came, beautiful all in stripes, on a peak-cap - oak venochka, the service asks dnevalnogo:
-Kak, whether offends who, the food is enough???
dnevalny got to talking, all told it, and then bethought (on a post it is not necessary to talk), speaks:
-Ty, the forester scratch from here, and that the sergeant will come, both to you and me a pill visits.

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The order of the Minister of Defence on russification of messages of WINDOWS:
Yes - Is!
No - In any way is not present!
OK - Is so exact!
Pause - It is possible to recover and zakurit.
stop - it is quiet!
Continue - At ease!
Abort - to Shoot!
Retry - the Circle!
Ignore - to Execute at any cost! - Cost
Login who goes? - Show to
Password the admission!
Shutdown - the Release!
Access denied - is not necessary!
Message - Raport
exception - the Emergency situation!

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The veteran comes to a class, and begins rasskazyvat:
-Ida somehow on the wood, suddenly h*yak, Germans, h*yak, Germans at the left on the right!
ofigevshaya uchitelnitsa:
-Same children …
- What nakh*y children? FASCISTS!

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The wife home comes, brings a vodka bottle, puts it in the refrigerator and speaks muzhu:
-It will stand till February 23rd!
husband otvechayet:
- Then it... will lie till March 8th.

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The man from work, sober as a fragment of glass came, undressed, washed, ate, opened a locker, got cognac, poured a liqueur glass... Comes Wife:
-Put into place, stood and till February 23 to stand budet.
muzhik plows up halat:
-Hung and till March 8 will hang!

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The checking does the remark to the person on duty on chasti:
-Here you sit here, and at you there the foreman on the Honour roll tore off.

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The perspicacious woman gives to the husband for February 23 the gift certificate of jewelry store for a discount.

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Passed on February 23 and on March 8, and so anybody and did not congratulate me, so who I am after that??? Precisely I know
Ya that such loneliness: it when on February 24 you see the man buying to himself shaving foam!

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Putin drank with military before February 23: jammed rockets. Putin prosnulsya
24 February. 7th mornings. With a hangover. From words of the wife: "Darling, get up! You in the Government are waited!" "Nakh Pravitelstvo", - Putin told in a fit of temper. Also it appeared the rights.

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Two talk priyatelya:
-would Hear Lyokh you though bought the car!
- What for? of
-would Drive!
- Hear Serega and you would marry chtol....

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The private Rabinovich for violation of the oath was sent in shtrafbat. Being on a post he shouted coming nearer protivniku:
-Oh, who all right!

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- Private Perepadenko! Why do not sing in a system?
- Yes teeth razbolelis.
-So, at least, howl!

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- The private Petrov why it is necessary to close one eye when you aim from a rifle?
- Because if to close both eyes, the purpose will not be visible.

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The most faithful girls are Estonians. They never change guys who do military service.
prosto when they understand that guys took away in army, those already manage to return.

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The soldier stoker in the stokehole sat. Hot. Boringly. Give the letter thinks to parents I will write I will please old men I will tell them about military army everyday life. Took a sheet of paper, singed it on corners and began: "Hello my dear, I write the letter from the burning tank …"

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The soldier addresses to praporshchiku
-T the ensign and crocodiles fly?
praporshchik
-You sho Mikola, bilina ate too much? Where you saw that crocodiles would fly? The captain told
-A of t, fly.....
praporshchik
-A... well so... fly... only nizenko, nizenko....

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The soldier turned a mug upside down and approaches to praporshchiku:
-Look, what glass: iron, and top zapayan.
-Ooh, you and here also the bottom is not present!

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Soldier! Remember: when you sleep - the opponent does not doze! Sleep more long and more often - exhaust the enemy sleeplessness!

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The soldier arrived home to holiday. Came to the girl. She tells it how misses without nego:
- As I wake up, so I look at your photo and I sigh. How I go to bed, again I look and vzdykhayu.
- And in the rest of the time?
- Well, it is not interesting to you.

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Soldier's molitva:
upasi me God -
OT night trevog.
ot rise rannego.
ot shout dnevalnogo.
ot a horizontal bar vysokogo.
ot a battle march dalyokogo.
ot the doctor sanchasti.
ot occupations tactical, front, politicheskikh.
ot women beremennoy.
ot foremen-besa.
ot of sergeants zlyuchikh.
ot toilets smelly.

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The foreman built young popolneniye:
-you at me will work, work at a parade-ground and once again to work!
-A as about "To study, learn and to study once again"? - someone from stroya.
-cried out It who told?
- It told Lenin.
-Well, and you, the private Lenin, I will send to a dress, to a dress and once again to a dress!

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The foreman of a company gives out a pay to soldiers, calling them according to the list in the sheet. In the end it krichit:
- the Private Total!
stroy molchit.
- the Private Total!
soldaty are silent. The foreman spitted out and speaks: - Here fool. It is necessary most, but does not respond.

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- What is the universal gift?
- Is such gift which can be presented on February 23 and back to perepodarit on March 8.

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- Companion cadet if you the fool, and remember nothing, get to yourself a notebook, here such, as at me.

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- Companion ensign, to you the wife priyekhala.
-Not to "you", and to "you".
-K to us it came yesterday, and today to you.

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Only on the eve of February 23 it is possible to see in the subway the smiling girl with just bought by a spinning and a drill.

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- How at you in collective it is accepted to celebrate holidays on February 23 and on March 8?
- the Chief told, what on February 23 note only those who did military service and who did not serve, let celebrate 8 marta.
- And what?
- are noted on F

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Ask young soldiers who than was engaged to service. One speaks:
-I am able to do a burbulyator, - and asked a nail, a hammer and a new zinc bucket. Then punched many holes so the water poured there it is very specific a zabulkala in a bucket. Having cursed the young soldier and having sent him on kitchen, the foreman threw out a bucket on a garbage can. On the same day to part there arrived the general. Long ago it was known of its arrival therefore everywhere the ideal order reigned. The general bypassed the territory and speaks:
-Everything at you is good. Only I will not understand why threw out a new burbulyator on a garbage can?

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Men have two holidays in a year. It on February 23 and on March 9.

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Conscious women are never hurt on February 23 by the head.