Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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First-year students of medical institute in practice in a mortuary (the first time) .
vrach costs near the dismembered corpse and speaks:
-Remember, the doctor has to be very attentive and is perfect ne
brezglivym. Here look!
I thrusts a finger into a back opening of a corpse through passage, zatem
vytaskivayet, with relish licks it and speaks:
- And now small test: who will repeat, that will be a doctor...
studenty shocked. Do not maintain a little and run out from a mortuary. Lish
odin the excellent student was called and repeated too most, but already with another vyrazheniyem
litsa. Vrach:
-Yes... Well from you precisely the doctor will not turn out... I said that vrach
dolzhen to be attentive: I after all thrust a finger one, and oblizyval
drugoy...

*****

Students complained to the dean that in the dining room disgustingly gotovyat.
dekan called the cook and told that if it will not improve, will be uvolen.
-Listen, - the cook began to justify, - You should not turn vnimaniye
na that young people speak. For example, they tell in the dining room that zhe
samoye and about your lectures.

*****

Students argued: who uses the head better? To fill with
reshili with the head the gvozdi.
student-economist hammered a nail on tret.
student-physics hammered a nail the napolovinu.
student- Athlete hammered a nail to kontsa.
kto won?
nepravilno. The athlete was disqualified for violation pravil:
zabivat a hat it is impossible for a nail down!!!

*****

Students are very similar to cows: when they try to find more time of private life, at them appear hvost;y when they try to find more time for study, at them appear roga; and when they try to do both, they kick the bucket!

*****

Students solve that to present on Birthday odnokursniku:
-That we will present to Vasya? Give to
-an ashtray crystal! He does not smoke
-! Give to
-trousers crocodile, a jacket from a monkey, a popugayevy jabot and... You do not smoke
-I!

*****

Students ask prepodavatelya:
-It is possible we we will not come to your following couple? Yes.
-A you will not note
-?
- Is not present, I in general at work do not drink!

*****

- Why students are not able ?p@@#$$$ся in the dark?
- of the Textbook of methodics is not visible!

*****

Student's mudrost:
-thirst of knowledge is best of all satisfied with beer!

*****

Student's obshchaga.
v the room the girl and krichit:
-Little girls runs in, take off rather pants - to us boys now on a visit will come!
pauza... Rustle of skirts... You that silly women do
-?!! Remove from a rope!

*****

- Student's svadba:
-Postoyte and why the bride does not drink?
- So it did not chip in together!

*****

Student's dining room. Eternally hungry student flies and sees kartinu:
rektor the plate of the smoking borsch with sour cream reads the newspaper and before him, the student without reflecting is enough a spoon and starts devouring a borsch having eaten more than a half sees that in a borsch a hairbrush all in hair, respectively occurs the return process to food. On the termination his rector postpones the newspaper and asks.
r: Well the borsch ate?
C: EL.
R: saw a hairbrush?
C: Saw, so its time so...
P: I too reached this place.......

*****

Student's supervision: the porter of the female hostel is extremely envious creation with excellent memory and the developed imagination.

*****

Student's joke. Once upon a time there were three pigs: Nuf-Nuf, Naf-Naf and Manager. Kaf

*****

The son of "new Russian" passes examinations at the Illinois university. Professor asks the student one question behind another. That persistently is silent. Then professor, sighing, speaks:
-Well, tell though who peddled old stuff?
student are shaken plechami.
-by Columbus! - with irritation professor shouts. - Columbus!
student rises and goes to vykhodu.
-Where you? - asks professor.
- And I thought, you call the following...

*****

The son cables mother: "Did not pass examinations, prepare the father". Receives the answer: "The father is prepared, be prepared itself".

*****

Students - in the room of 5 guys and 5 girls,
okhi, akha, a scratch of beds strike in a hostel, without slov.
vdpug one guy gives everything golos:
-Want, I will tell a joke?
devushka:
-Only not trite!

*****

Radio technicians can only have such in our technical universitete:
-in a hostel does not catch SVYAZ;
-on a floor at power engineering specialists constantly problems with svetom;
-in a hostel at mechanics break LIFT;Y
-a hostel of builders recognized unsuitable for accommodation all the time and closed on repair.

*****

There on nebesakh:
bog (B) speaks to the envoy a month before examinations (P):
B: - You at the earth also look at Sletayk as there students prepare for examinations...
sletal envoy and speaks:
(P): - You do not represent, botanists - learn, gornik - learn, operators - bukhayut.
through half-month the same istoriya:
(P): - You do not represent again, botanists - learn, gorniki-learn, operators - thump before examination...
B: - You at the earth also look at Sletayk as there students prepare for examinations...
priletayet envoy and speaks:
(P): - Botanists - walk, gornik - walk, and operators - pray!!!
(B): - Here you see, Saint Peter, here we also will help them!!!

*****

- How there your new professor?
- Generally anything, but very much religioznyy.
-From where you took? Yes when I to it answer
-, he always breaks hands and exclaims: "Oh, My God! Oh, My God!"

*****

Subject of the master's thesis of the graduate student: "Evasion from passing of military service by method of imitation of scientific activity".

*****

Subjects of term papers (with interpretation).
1. "Influence of scattered nemokhromatichny radiation in the range of long waves of low intensity on carbon brands of steel" (impact of a moonlight on rails)
2. "Problems of transportation of liquids in vessels with variable structure of density" (How to roast snow in a furnace)
3. "Problems of increase of a melkodispersionnost of oxide of diatomic hydrogen in the mezanichesky way" (To beat the air)
4. "Research of turbulent streams of liquid in ceramic vessels" (A toilet bowl with the improved rinsability)

*****

Silence. Examination. Two teachers - one one-eyed,
A second one-legged accept its. It was required to the second to leave - the first to it and speaks:
-You give quickly, one foot here - another there!
nedolgo thinking, the second otvechayet:
- And you be on guard - that nobody wrote off!

*****

- You something not important look, how old are you?
-A, by the way, is uncivilized to ask age girls!
- * pt!!! … so you also girl!!!???

*****

Companions students, be not afraid to work with radiation sources. It is quite safe. Here, for example, some officers-seamen bezvylazno for 3-4 years on nuclear submarines sit, and at this time their wives give birth to absolutely healthy children!

*****

Only the Russian students, having for the first time heard a minute ago as the law works, straight off give out 1-3 ways to bypass it.

*****

Three entrants at examination. One arrives on big protection, the second - it is simple on protection, and the third - without protection. Question to the first: - Over what country the atomic bomb was for the first time blown up? - Over Japan. - Five! Question to the second: - Over what country for the first time the yuyla is blown up an atomic bomb? - Over Japan. - In what year? - In 1945. - Five. To the third same questions plus: - Over what city? - Hiroshima - How many was lost? - Two hundred ninety four thousand. - List names of the dead.

*****

Natives caught the student, hung up him on a spit and started frying, the leader speaks:
-I now will depart, and you twist it medlenno
through hour comes, natives twist the student from all force. The leader asks:
-What is the matter? I asked to twist slowly! otvechayut:
-Slowly we twist
tuzemtsy, the owner, it starts guzzling potato

*****

You that, want that I overslept with you for a chocolate? - It with nutlets. - Well.

*****

Each student has many any rights, and each teacher has one tiny right, to send this student with all his rights where far away!

*****

People of different professions ask about what they think, looking on kirpich.
arkhitektor: I think of construction, as a brick - excellent stoitelny matheral.
matematik: I think of a rectangular parallelepiped which parties are in pairs equal and parallelny.
student military HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION: I think of women...
EGO is asked: And why?
ON: And I always think of them...

*****

At mother the daughter studies at university and lives in the hostel. When dochka
priyekhala to mother on vacation, mother asks:
- The Daughter, you live in the hostel with free customs, how ty
otbivayeshsya from crowd of admirers?
- Is very simple, I show them the cat and I say that itself ego
kastrirovala!

*****

At us one teacher annealed. Know a joke about students calling the teacher in the night from shout: "You sleep, b%ya? And we prepare!!"?
NU and so. At us put at once two examinations tomorrow and we with group learned phone of the teacher and decided to spoil also to the person night. We call in 2-30 nights, and the call is taken by an avtootvechik and tells the approximately following: "Time you call at this time, probably, you have an examination, huh? tomorrow And you now drink coffee not to fall asleep and learn everything in a night instead of attending lectures. And you, certainly, called me after all to tell me how to propachit gde2 under fribsd. Do not worry, I have a determinant of number and base of phones, and utretsy will surely look, what is your name call and I will ask at examination as it everything becomes. Ah yes. nearly forgot to tell! Take a vaseline jar, one question tomorrow, you, a s%ka, will not get off at me!! Good night, dear student!" .
chert... Now it is terrible to go for examination. Suddenly, a p%dla, the truth told...

*****

At professor sprashivayut:
-Tell and as you define: what mark will give the student na
ekzamene?
- To me comes the student, I ask it a question, he does not answer it, mne
stanovitsya everything is clear, I put to it "two" and it ukhodit.
- And if he answers this question?
-Ya I ask it the second question, he does not answer it, to me becomes vse
yasno, I put to it "two" and it ukhodit.
- And if he answers and this question?
-Ya I ask it one more question, he does not answer it, to me stanovitsya
vse is clear, I put to it "two" and it ukhodit.
- And till what time it proceeds? For now me not everything becomes clear to
-.

*****

The student has 2 holidays. It is New year and every day.

*****

At the student three mechty:
1. At lecture "when I will eat? "
2. In practice "when I will have a sleep"
3. In session "when I will die?"

*****

The student has an examination... It is not ready... With courage comes in auditoriyu:
-It is ready?
- Is ready!
professor asks couple of questions... The student does not know... Asks to answer the last question!!!!
- If directly here, on a table I will put $100 and a little bit "knowledge" that that you will choose?
- Of course money!!!!!
- Certainly... Each beret it does not have what!!!! Here you see
- in what your mistake? And I would choose knowledge!!!!

*****

Week I go with a record book, as the teenager with a condom: perhaps who will give!

*****

The student died. In infernal office predlagayut:
-In a simple hell or student's?
student podumal:
-Bothered this student's life, hostels, couples, well, give in idle time ad.
poslali it in an ordinary hell. There any silent radostizhizn - beer, maids, a box... Only at the end of everyone the devil dnyaprikhodit and all high breaks - the nail in zadnitsuzabivayet.
zadolbalo is the student, comes in infernal kontoru:
-Take away me from this hell, I want in studencheskiy.
v the student's - maids run after, the plan the mountain, beer the river moreover and the devil does not come. The student is delayed, delayed... Passes somewhere about half a year...
BATs, appears the devil - with an armful terrible gvozdey.
student:
-You who?!!!!
- SESSION!

*****

The student died. Naturally, sent it to a hell. At an entrance to a hell meets the student of lines and asks:
-to You in a usual hell or in the student's?
- to me in usual that I in student's not videl.
-Well as hochesh.
v to a hell it is simply excellent: cigarettes, beer... But: every day the devil comes to ten o'clock in the evening and hammers to the student into a bum one nail. The student - the second suffered month, did not bear, asks cherta:
-Give me in a student's hell, and that the bum hurts from gvozdey.
-Well, as skazhesh.
studenchesky a hell: it is more than beer, cigarettes, everything is remarkable. And, the most important, the devil does not go in the evenings. Passed one month, the second, third. The student comes to the student of lines with a bucket of nails and speaks:
-Well, here... Zagolyay bum. Session began!