Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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Mother speaks to the daughter before svadboy:
-Never it is necessary to reveal completely before the husband. Understand, in the woman the riddle, secret, some secret has to...
- For example? Well, for example, never completely be bared by
-before it, let something though slightly, but it will be hidden. It is the man raspalyaet.
through some time after a wedding the son-in-law calls teshche:
-Listen, mother, at you in a family with mentality at all it was normal?
- Yes, and what?
- of Anything, of course, only your daughter in a bed only in a cap lays down week.

*****

Mother speaks docheri:
-your This admirer is so opposite to me that I with pleasure will become his mother-in-law!

*****

The cop comes home towards the morning - all in lipstick,
odezhda in a disorder - pants are beforehand put on by the back and voobshche
zhenskiye
Wife: - Where was?!
ON: - In an ambush...
TESHCHA, leaning out of kitchen, ekhidno:
-Hy and how, set?

*****

The cop from Chechnya returned, a holiday the wife - chirps houses, the mother-in-law on a table throws, vodka pours...
ChAS sit, two sit, three sit, the wife already got tired went to take care of children, the mother-in-law already hints supposedly it's time to go, and at the cop with the father-in-law poshli:
test:
-I here from war Shmayser trophy brought only the most man-to-man talks, and you chyo?
MENT:
-A I Mukhu.
test:
- And chyo it for trouble?
mentyara gets granatomet.
test:
-Wow, chyo for a crap? How shoots? Give
MENT:
-I will show...
otkryvayut a window in dvor.
ment:
-Not, so is not interesting - the purpose nuzhna.
test:
-See a toilet, present that it is fighters on the UAZ edut.
ment:
-Aga.
tselitsya. Bach - a barkhezka in shchepki.
test delighted - In a thing!!!
nakatili, then more and more... The cop a muddy eye leads round hatu:
- And where the mother-in-law got to?
TEST:
-A not h*y was with fighters to ride the UAZ...

*****

The dear mother-in-law, I congratulate you on Hellovin, your professional holiday!

*****

The militiaman notices on the street crowd with the lifted-up heads. He too posmotrel
vverkh was also dumbfounded: on the tenth floor, having hooked by fingers for a window sill,
svisayet the woman, and in an aperture of the cracked window there is a man and the Citizen thrashes it po
paltsam kablukom.
-, stop immediately. What do you do with the woman?
- It not the woman. It is a mother-in-law!
-U, the stinker, was hooked!

*****

The militiaman stops mashinu:
-Companion driver why your passenger is not attached by seat belts? Yes you be not afraid of
-, the man, is my mother-in-law - it quiet today!

*****

Darling, you do not know, where our book "How to Live 100 Years"?
-Ya burned it. Your mother wanted to esteem.

*****

- I was lucky with the wife! The clear head, the beauty, is able to prepare! But there is lozhka
degtya in a flank with honey …
-?
- Harmful mother-in-law!
- my situation is much worse. So to say: my wife more than on lozhku
meda does not del

*****

- Can the film be a happy ending, if in the end the main character dies?
- May. If the main character - a mother-in-law.

*****

- How can you constantly quarreling with his wife and at the same time respecting the mother in law?
- Once it was she who was strongly opposed to our marriage.

*****

- Whether it is possible to kill the mother-in-law with cotton wool?
- Yes, if in it to wrap the iron.

*****

Whether it is possible to kill the mother-in-law with cotton wool?
- Yes, if in it to wrap the iron.

*****

The young family has supper with the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law - zyatyu:
-Zyatek, whether you will cut off to me a sausage slice?
ZYAT - teshche:
-is So thin I will not be able to cut off!

*****

The young man speaks to the mame:
-Mother, today to me three girls on a visit will come, and I am going to marry one of them. And you try to guess on what Exactly.
posle of that as girls left, it asks at mamy:
-Well and how you think, on whom?
- Matter of course on that that sat in seredine.
-Now that's something like it! And how you guessed?
- Yes so, intuition: it already now irritates me.

*****

The young man comes to the mother-in-law with the father-in-law. The mother-in-law asks:
-That it you, zyatek, decided to glance to us?
- Yes with the wife swore, and she sent me to all devils.

*****

- Yesterday bit my mother-in-law sobaka.
-Well and how the mother-in-law feels?
- the Mother-in-law well, and here a dog died.

*****

- Why when my mummy comes to us to stay for a while, you will never carry her somewhere?
- Carried, but it always finds the road back!

*****

- My mother-in-law - the remarkable woman. Every day I love it more and more. Tomorrow 40 days.

*****

My mother-in-law, the intelligent woman for 70, uses the computer with the broadband Internet. Mastered it some years nazad.
nedavno the mother-in-law asked the wife to explain that such "driver". The wife popularly told about a role of drivers in Windows and asked, from where she knows this word. The mother-in-law answered: "I received from the girlfriend the letter from the States, she writes that her son works with the driver".

*****

- My mother-in-law now in Minsk has a rest!
-A that, good refrigerator!

*****

- My mother-in-law constantly comes to us on a visit in the same day, and I always look forward to her priyezda.
- And when it to you comes?
- on February 29.

*****

My mother-in-law - simply a treasure! To dig more deeply, on pleasure to archeologists of the future … Quicker …

*****

- My mother-in-law in the most exemplary mire.
- In what sense?
- There are no jokes about mother in law, which it would not fit.

*****

- My mother-in-law - a real angel! My
- too is silent and is not shown, when I to it slabitelnoye
podmeshivayu.

*****

The husband comes back home poddaty in the evening, and very much he wanted to make love. It gets into a bed to the wife and starts it "frying"
I at the left, and on the right, generally, on everyone. Finished and, happy, goes to a bathtub, and there the wife brushes teeth. The man went nuts and asks:
- And with whom I just...?
- In the same place mine mama.
nu, they go to a bedroom. The wife asks:
-Mother how you could?
- Yes I do not talk three years to it!

*****

The husband - zhene:
-As is to your mother felt better? I already agreed with kopacha!

*****

The husband with the wife, children and the mother-in-law in buffet before big kontsertom.
husband :
-Well? To us from Svetkaya on a glass dry and on m@ndarinke.
detishkam on lemonade and shokoladke.
- And mother?
-A to mother glass of a milk and cucumber!

*****

The husband with the wife watch the horror film. On the screen there is UZHAS.
Wife:
-Oh, mother...
husband :
-Mother-in-law? It is similar …

*****

The husband with the wife gather for a party. Put on, left light in a hall, included an answering machine, covered a parrot, expelled a cat to the yard, called a taxi by phone. In a few minutes drives a taxi. Only the husband opened a door, the koshara slipped in the house, knowing perfectly that time owners leave, it will be possible with impunity to try to appropriate a parrot. The wife went to a taxi, and the husband returned to the house to catch an animal and to turn out back home. That escaped on a ladder upward, the husband behind it. At this time the wife, sitting down in a taxi and without wishing that drove knew that stays at home nobody, says that the husband now will return, and in general went to wish her to mummy good night... Some minutes later the husband leaves the house and sits down in a taxi. Wife:
-Darling, that so long?
- Yes this cattle was hammered under a bed, it was necessary to pull out it a hanger from there. Still hands scratched everything, a reptile. It was necessary to roll up a creature in a blanket, then to drag this fat bum on a ladder down and to throw out to the yard!

*****

The husband with the wife in a bedroom. Suddenly in kitchen the jingle - is clear, a cat on a finishing table. That is punishable. The husband rises and runs on kitchen. And it for three rooms, with turn. The wife vdogonku:
-you Will catch - otpizd to a bough!
He is known that the mother-in-law thought - but on kitchen she was swept up.

*****

The husband calls the mother-in-law from maternity hospital and reports joyful novost:
- At us twins!
svyaz was bad, and the mother-in-law not rasslyshala.
-You could not repeat?! - she cried out in trubku.
-I Doubt, - the newly made father who was not expecting takogo
povorota answered. - It and is so quite unexpected.

*****

The husband looks for a saw. Without having found, asks zhenu:
-You do not know, where our old saw? From kitchen the voice teshchi:
-If I is distributed and drank, not such old.

*****

The husband, gloomy as a cloud, comes back home from hospital where came to see tyoshchu.
Wife meets him at dverey.
zh: - What about mother?
M: - Your mother is healthy as the horse, will leave a bolnitsya soon will live at us!
Zh: - I do not understand... Yesterday the doctor told me that it prismerti.
m (with irritation): - I do not know that he told you, and to me he ordered to prepare for the worst.

*****

The husband comes home, joyful to an attack. Yes tear eyes. Tears: schastya.
Wife: - Well you that? It: Yes here saw off the mother-in-law - home! It: And that ugly face all v
sazhe?: It: So the engine kissed!

*****

The husband from work came in a drunk state. Sat down to eat. The wife with the mother-in-law are afraid of it to touch once again. He ate, ate, suddenly raises the head and speaks:
-I Will want, I will chop new furniture!!!
Wife: - HOW SO??? mother-in-law: - HOW SO???
OH: - WHO IN the HOUSE of HOZYaI!!! Sits further kushayet.
potom again lifts golovu:
- And I will want, I will throw out the new TV in a window!!!
Wife: - HOW SO??? mother-in-law: - HOW SO???
husband : - WHO IN the HOUSE the OWNER?????!!!!
sidit eats further, lifts golovu:
- And I will want the mother-in-law to a vy*b. Wife: - How so????
TESHCHA: - WHO IN the HOUSE the OWNER????

*****

The husband talks with zhenoy.
-Darling, what we presented last time, on birthday of your mother?
-Stul.
- And now we will connect to it electricity!!!

*****

Husband: - What the mother-in-law comes?
Wife: - Numbers or h%ya?

*****

husband :
-What the mother-in-law comes?
Wife:
-of Number or h*ya?