Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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- The father and what the mazafaka means?
- Mother-in-law, sonny.

*****

- The father why our grandmother runs zigzags?
-to Whom grandmother, and to whom and mother-in-law. Give me the second holder, the sonny.

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The first marriage night, the husband comes and goes to bed,
NE having executed is long. The wife runs to mother - and tak.
plokho the daughter, but is curable, the mother-in-law speaks, I with it pogovoryu.
idet to the husband also speak emu:
-Understand the husband has to at night... well as sobaka
s wife!!! Got that?
husband :
-Understood! The wife pribegayet:
-you Present the next day to
Ha, mother it came crawling on all fours,
podnyal a foot, oboss... me also went to bed!!!>>
- H-in the daughter, but is curable, - the mother-in-law speaks, - I with it pogovoryu.
idet to the husband also speak emu:
-Understand the husband has to at night... well as a horse with the wife!!!
ponyal?
husband :
-Understood!
Ha the wife resorts the next day in slezakh:
-Represent mother it came crawling on all fours, ponyukhal
menya and went a foot to the head!!! And then went to bed!
- Well everything, - are told by the mother-in-law, goes to the husband, it i
ottrakhivayet is enough it zverski:
-understood Now???!!!
A the husband in otvet:
- The Good fellow the mother-in-law, I simply argued with friends,
chto I will bang you before the wife!!

*****

Before the palace of the sheikh the bus full pozhyla zhenshchin.
-Again tourists stops? - asks sheykh.
-Is not present, - the secretary answers, are your mothers-in-law arrived on a visit.

*****

Before operatsiyey.
khirurg - glavvrachu:
-I cannot operate the lady Kovalskaya - she is my mother-in-law, and people will think that I reduce with it personal scores...

*****

Before a wedding the man comes to construction company and speaks:
-to me is necessary round, is made round dom.
- And how furniture, a floor, a ceiling?
- You che, idiots? I told absolutely kruglyy.
- And you tell at least, why... Yes here the mother-in-law asks
- supposedly from you for me a corner will not be?

*****

- Why did the rooster singing all my life?
- Because he had many wives and a single mother in law.

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The letter on radio: To my mother-in-law who lives alone in the four-room apartment, in November the Last fall is executed 68 let.
peredayte for it the song of DDT group.

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The letter in TV company: I ask you not to start up during news in the bottom of the screen an advertizing running line! My mother-in-law thinks that this karaoke and sings!!!

*****

Along a corridor of hospital, near operational, the man nervously walks up and down. Hour, two, three goes... At last, the door of the operational opens, there is a surgeon with a mournful face and bad news speaks muzhiku:
- At me for you. On the third hour of operation your mother...
muzhik preryvayet:
-Is not my mother! It is a mother-in-law!
KHIRURG:
-U me for you good news. On the third hour of operation...

*****

Loaded with Poe-excite a mousetrap at dacha storublevky. Now at the mother-in-law the finger is broken.

*****

Down the street there is dirty-pregryazny muzhik.
-a Man, you that such dirty?
- Yes with the engine tselovalsya.
-You that, the fool?
- Well, the mother-in-law home sent!

*****

Down the street there is a man with the gun and meets the acquaintance. That it asks:
-Where you go?
-K to the mother-in-law on birthday. The gift bought it: sergi.
- And the gun what for? Hole
- in ears to sdalat.

*****

Presented to the hamster mother-in-law - let at each other cheeks be blown out.

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The man runs up to the militiaman and speaks:
-Take away me, differently I will kill the teshchu.
-Kill at the same time and I wash, and I to you will help to get less penal. That spat and Companion prosecutor ran to prokuroru.
-, take away me, and that I will kill the teshchu.
-Kill and I wash, I will help less sidet.
muzhik got drunk, went and killed three mothers-in-law - the, the militiaman and prokurora.
idet sud:
-For murder of three mothers-in-law the citizen Ivanov is sentenced to six months zaklyucheniya.
sudya turns around and quietly speaks:
- And if also mine killed, in general would receive nothing!

*****

- The defendant why you strangled your mother-in-law?
- Yes it bothered me, your honor!
- So unless is an occasion to kill the person? Here I have, for example, a mother-in-law takaya
uzhe a creature, the swine, the stinker, cattle, the idiot, the

*****

Podsudimyy:
-Why you judge me for an insult, humiliation and a sneer?
MENYA should be judged for attempt at murder!
SUDYA:
-I you seriously believe, what could kill the mother-in-law with a fly swatter?

*****

The mother-in-law approaches the son-in-law and speaks:
- The Road zyatek, I for you have two novosti; one bad, another horoshaya.
-Mother, that you are still live and healthy, I and so see - tell already good news.

*****

The elderly woman calls in pozharnuyu:
-Hallo, fire, help, urgently, in the apartment the fire, the address such!!!
- Oh, Claudia Petrovna! Your Zyatyok on a wire! Still predpochitayete
"to die not to see my ugly face"?!...

*****

The fisherman caught a small fish, gold. It to it speaks:
-Make three wishes. I will execute everything. But only at your mother-in-law will be in 10 times more. The man wanted one million. Received. Respectively, the mother-in-law received 10 million. Wanted a country house in Mayami.
teshcha received 10 country houses in Mayami.
muzhik thought, thought, and then speaks:
- And now, a small fish, make to me a small microheart attack.

*****

The police officer asks Driverya:
-Explain how occurred avariya.
-Very simply. The wife told that I turned to the right, and the mother-in-law - on the left, and ya
postaralsya to satisfy both of them: I so do not love scandals in a family.

*****

The mother-in-law died at the man. Well, clearly, funeral and other. Relatives say goodbye. Approach and in turn kiss it on a forehead. And zyatek too approached and nestled to it the head and so that cannot come off. One his friend asks:
-Listen, you hated it during lifetime, and now here pretend...
-U me from a budunishch a head breaks up, and it such cold, such cold...

*****

The mother-in-law dies. At a bed three careful zyatk sit. Suddenly to the room vletayet
vletayet the fly, the mother-in-law starts watching it. Sons-in-law unanimously: - ne
otvlekaytes, mummy!

*****

After a wedding the son-in-law explains to the wife and teshche:
-In the house there has to be an order! In the morning to me coffee in a bed! During the lunchtime - meat, vegetables, fruit. In the evening - an easy dinner with vinom.
Wife and the mother-in-law vozmushchayutsya.
-Shut up! Further, on odd days with me the wife, on even - teshcha.
Wife krichit:
- The Impudent person sleeps!
TESHCHA:
- The Man - the owner in the house. Both will solve, and will be!

*****

After a wedding sit at a table the husband the wife (the young you tobit) and teshcha.
husband dictates laws new zhizni:
- The salary and a salary of the wife I will dispose!
Wife:
-Is not present allow....
husband (striking with a fist on a table shouts):
-Ya the OWNER IN the HOUSE!!! Further: all homework is done by the mother-in-law!
TESHCHA:
-Is not present allow....
husband (in the same vein):
-Ya the OWNER IN the HOUSE!!! Further: I will sleep with the wife and the mother-in-law in night!
Wife:
-Is not present allow.... You heard
TESHCHA:
-: HE is an OWNER IN the HOUSE!!!!

*****

After a threefold wedding the newly made mother-in-law decides to test new members of the family - three zatyev:
stapshego - go to the wood, the mother-in-law breaks from the bridge and pretends that sinks zyatek jumps and pulls out it. Ha are costed morning by Zaporozhets and a note - "To the beloved son-in-law from the loving mother-in-law! "
spednego - go to the wood, the mother-in-law breaks from the bridge and pretends that sinks zyatek jumps and pulls out her. Ha are costed morning by the Muscovite and a note - "To the beloved son-in-law from the loving mother-in-law! "
mladshego - go to the wood, the mother-in-law breaks from the bridge and pretends that sinks zyatek shrugs shoulders and leaves. Ha are costed morning by Volga and a note - "To the beloved son-in-law from the loving father-in-law!"

*****

Lately Semyon began to treat the mother-in-law much better: often came with flowers, painted an ogradka...

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Then the mother-in-law leaves, and the son-in-law puts the remains of the tea in a warm place that by next Saturday it got a special shade which so is pleasant to the mother-in-law. And the mother-in-law comes home, pours out coal powder from an old gas mask and carefully washes out it from cockroach traces that to the following arrival to make for the son-in-law his favourite rolls with poppy.

*****

The mother-in-law zyatya:
-Some you, young, teaches all business and anxious now. Here I was at your age cheerful and ringing, as a tambourine!
- Well, why - was? You and now are similar to it, everything mutter and mutter...

*****

The man buried the mother-in-law. There is on a cemetery, and here a birdie to it on the head need spravlyaet.
muzhik:
-A- And, you already there?

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Funeral. The friend - You bury Rodstvenniku:
-of Whom?
- Mother-in-law...
- From what died?
- poisoned with Mushrooms...
-A che such blue?
- Yes is did not want!

*****

Funeral of the 90-year-old woman. At a coffin deceased the man let
70 bitterly sobs. One of participants of a funeral asks druguyu:
-It, probably, the son deceased so is killed?
- Is not present, it is it zyat.
-It, what so strongly loved it?
- Is not present, opposite. It he cries from a great grief - it was necessary to it zhdat
etogo the moment of long 50 years.

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Mother-in-law funeral. The son-in-law pours all vodka, lifts a toast: "Well, let the earth it will be down" Cut, have a snack, on the second. Son-in-law: "Well, let the earth it will be down" .
vypili, have a snack, on the third: "Well, let the earth it will be down." His friend asks: "Vasya, you led cat- And-dog life earlier, and now you to us fill in here. "
ZYAT: "E the friend, you do not know, what allergy at it to down was...

*****

Funeral. Bury the mother-in-law. The passerby asks:
- And why you the turned bear a coffin with the dead woman?
- So, you understand, it when on a back lies, - snores strongly.

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Why the rooster sings all life?
- Because at it is a lot of wives and any mother-in-law.

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- You represent - the mother-in-law - with. my wife in section of karate wrote down!
- Well, and how?
- Is engaged...
-A you?
-A that I? Began to prepare, clean much better the apartment, polyubil
stirat and to iron...

*****

The man resorts to the neighbor and krichit:
-Borrow 5 buckets of water!
sosed: - You after all have the well! You Understand
-, there the mother-in-law just fell, and water was enough only to a chin!

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Resort to Nasreddin and govoryat:
-Bede, Hodge, your mother-in-law washed clothes at the river and drowned. Still ne
mogut to find it! Nasreddin to the river also began to look for
pribezhal above that place where teshcha
stirala.
-That you do, Hodge? - people asked. - After all carried away it down!
-E, you do not know my mother-in-law. It was such stubborn that always vse
delala on the contrary. And under water it floated, I think, not down, and up.

*****

Hi, buddy! You want to look at the real fight of two predators? Come to me vecherom.
-today And what will be for representation? To the mother-in-law I will put
-Ya bloodsuckers!