Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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The son-in-law sits and watches TV, the room is entered by the mother-in-law with a whisk in rukakh:
-Mother, you will sweep or fly somewhere?

*****

The loving son-in-law at a bed of the dying mother-in-law sits. The mother-in-law looks after za
polzayushchey on a ceiling a fly. On what the son-in-law tenderly so zamechayet:
-Mother, do not distract, please!

*****

The man sits and shudders at each rustle. But there is a kind spirit. Dukh:
khochesh - I will execute any desire. Man: Yes you went. Spirit: No, I is serious. Hochesh
-your mother-in-law will die slowly and painfully? The man (quickens): Painfully,
pozhaluy and. But only - quickly.

*****

The man during a feast sits and not pyet.
-You that do not drink? Yes the wife does not resolve
-!
- For it can be been hit on a muzzle! Well, generally, the mother-in-law forbade
-!
- Yes for it in general can kill! Well if it is honest, I have
- will power!
-A for it should be drunk!

*****

- Sidorov, you why since morning came to work, you have after all the mother-in-law funeral today?!
- Chief, at first duties, then pleasure!

*****

The husband and the wife sit in the evening, watch the horror film. Suddenly on the screen there is some chudovishche.
Wife:
-Oh, mummy!
husband :
-Yes, is similar...

*****

Sit the son-in-law with the mother-in-law in the room... Suddenly the mother-in-law speaks:
-Yes, here after all time flies. Only recently in maids went, and already and It is time to die pora.
zyat:
-, it is time...

*****

Sit the man with the mother-in-law in the room. The mother-in-law aloud razmyshlyaet:
-Here after all life quickly flies - it seems not so long ago was born, and already i
umirat it is time soon...
husband :
-Is time, it is time...

*****

- Tell, refined sugar is? For the mother-in-law you have
-NET.
- And what else candies?

*****

- Listen, why did you marry your sister's ex-wife?
- I could not bear another Tiffany.

*****

- Hear, Vas! Strange: in recent years considerably decreased chislo
anekdotov and jokes by the subject "mother-in-law son-in-law"...
-Is clear a stub! What jokes? All family we live on pension of the mother-in-law...

*****

The Housing problem watched transmission here. They sawed a window sill, and on a nozhevka by large letters is written the MOTHER-IN-LAW.

*****

- Look, look - the lion attacked your mother-in-law!
- Itself attacked - let itself and gets out...

*****

The friends of the groom who gathered for a rural wedding look out of the window. One of them vosklitsayet:
-You look, Wan! Still did not sit down to a table, and your future mother-in-law already the Lezgian dances!
- A- And and this porch iced over!
said it standing an empty bucket in the corner.

*****

Old aunts regularly got the nephew concerning a marriage. At each wedding where they happened together they stuck it under an edge and giggling spoke: You following!
VSYo it stopped when the nephew began to do the same with them... during someone's funeral.

*****

We stand with the fellow worker we smoke and we fray nasushchoy
i he speaks about life: "Here week will be, the mother-in-law comes. Now not to smoke. "
Ya to it: "So it seems on a balcony smoke. "
EGO the answer killed me: "Yes she will live there. "
B to a smoking-room stupor????? all look it, and it as if izinyayas: "A balcony in that room where she will lodge."

*****

There is a GAI officer on a post. Cold, boringly, one foreign cars, pridratsya
ne to whom scurry about around. Suddenly looks, the old Zaporozhets goes! Stops it... Gaishnik:
chto the man of money is not present to buy the decent car! Driver: If at me byli
dengi I am better for myself than the right would buy! Wife: Here spoke to you do not drink, do not drink!
TESHCHA: Far you will not go by the stolen car! And the woken-up grandfather: What geroin
nashli?

*****

- Already ruined so much money to improve with teshchyoy the normal relations, I feel - to employ the killer cheaper …

*****

The stewardess in the plane objyavlyaet:
- The Plane is overloaded, it is necessary to jump out to one paccazhipu.
vdpug the silent voice some muzhchiny:
-Here so always as the mother-in-law is not necessary is heard, it always here as tut.
a as is necessary, so it is not present.

*****

Sudya:
- And what you did 4 years ago on March 26, 2005 at 3 o'clock in the afternoon?
- Lay on a sofa after two glasses of vodka and Dontsova's detective na
128 stranitse.
-Interestingly read! How it to you managed to be remembered everything?
- to us arrived At this time to live the mother-in-law!

*****

The judge asks svidetelya:
-So you saw how the criminal strangled your mother-in-law?
-Konechno.
-Why did not come to the rescue?
-Ya wanted, but saw that it and itself consults.

*****

The son asks ottsa:
-Fathers, and fathers! And that it is the grandmother zigzags runs across the field?
- For someone the grandmother, and for someone the mother-in-law... Give me, the sonny, still I will embrace!

*****

The son (C) asks the father (O):
C - the Father, the father and that the grandmother on a fencing zigzags runs?
O is a sonny to whom it is the grandmother and to whom and the mother-in-law, and well give one more holder.

*****

The son leaves for the summer to the grandmother. I will urgently buy it a vuvuzela - let the mother-in-law will be glad!

*****

- What is the dual feeling? It when you see
- how your mother-in-law flies to an abyss on your car!

*****

- You that such happy?
- Sent the mother-in-law to have a rest, on the South!
- Well and to that you are glad? I conjured
- Before sending with a photoshop, from its photo on the passport, it on a photo burns the Koran... and country really south

*****

The father-in-law, lying on the operating table, before operation which is performed it zyat-hirurg:
-by the Sonny, do not forget if something happens to me - Your mother-in-law by all means will want to move to you.

*****

The mother-in-law so quickly chewed sunflower seeds that choked with sunflower oil :)

*****

The mother-in-law completely got the son-in-law, he grabs her feet and puts out in a window. Has mesto
byt the following dialogue. Zyat:
-You know that Vanya made with the mother-in-law? The mother-in-law (the shivering voice):
- Is not present...
- He killed it an axe! And you know that Alexey made with the mother-in-law?
- Is not present... It it drowned
-! And I release you...

*****

The mother-in-law speaks zyatyu:
-Know, zyatek, there is at me a dream - that after death buried me at the Kremlin wall. Turn as you want, and execute mine mechtu.
through dnya.
zyat teshche:
-Know two, mother as turn as want, and in two days a funeral.

*****

The mother-in-law speaks zyatyu:
-You told my daughter that she is a silly woman, and now desire to tell that you are sorry ob
etom.
-Dusya, I regret that you are a silly woman.

*****

The mother-in-law speaks zyatyu:
-I am already so old that I am visited even more often by thoughts of death. Perhaps to me to descend to the psychologist?
- Is not present, mother, - I think, it will not go to it...

*****

- The mother-in-law the other day incidentally glanced on an exhibition zmey.
-Well and what?
- Received the Grand Prix!

*****

Mother-in-law docheri:
-Oh, my God! Well look that your freeloader made with my salad! Ya
poldnya tried, prepared everything according to the ancient recipe, decorated ego
tsvetochkami from vegetables and fruit, guided drawing fennel and mayonnaise! Eto
bylo the best decoration of a holiday table! And now...!!!
- Mother! Will be enough to dig in a toilet bowl!

*****

The mother-in-law dochke:
-your husband seemed strange to me in a registry office when to you put on both rings a finger.

*****

The mother-in-law, the wife and children differ from chiefs only in that chiefs define, how many you have to receive, and these is how many to give. And still there are authorities which define both that, and another.

*****

The mother-in-law beforehand tore bayans, to a funeral.

*****

The mother-in-law calls the son-in-law, gives him a roll of money and speaks:
-I do not know how you will make it, but I want that I was buried in Kremlin stene.
zyat vanishes for some days. Comes back unshaven, with red eyes and speaks:
-do not ask as I made it, but told that tomorrow during the lunchtime it was ready.

*****

The mother-in-law calls zyatya:
-Here to you 100.000 rubles, bury me magnificently, with a monument!
muzhik reflected. Meets the friend: and tak.
-Not dreyf. I last month buried the, 2.000 rubles kept within!
- How?!
- Yes dug on a belt and painted!