Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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There is a wedding on Chukotka. Tamada:
-It is time young to be removed from it prazdnika.
utrom. Young chukcha:
- The Father, anything at us it did not turn out. All the time, when I tried to insert, my member adjoined to zhivotu.
otets:
- The Sonny, do not worry. Descend in the wood and vystrugay to a rogatin, such that rested one end against an Adam's apple, and another, doubled rested chlen.
prokhodit year. Young chukcha:
-Thanks father, all super...
prokhodit a year more. Young chukcha:
- The Father, we already without rogatina obkhodimsya.
prokhodit a year more. The Chukchi drags a rogatina on the ground. Otets:
- The Sonny, you where drag a rogatnina? chukcha:
-Yes leave
molodoy to Vykinut.
papa:
-, in economy prigoditsya.
molodoy chukcha:
-But what for?
PAPA:
-Under an old age of years, you WILL PROP UP FROM BELOW!!!

*****

There is a court. On a dock the Chukchi and nearby perevodchik.
sudya sits: Ask it, how many deer he sold?
perevodchik: You are asked, how many deer you sold?
chukcha: I sold 500 oleney.
perevodchik: He sold 500 oleney.
sudya: Ask it, how many he money received?
perevodchik: You are asked, how many money you received?
chukcha: I poluchil
perevodchik: It poluchil
sudya: Ask it where it hid money?
perevodchik: Where you hid money?
chukcha: I will not tell!
perevodchik: It not speaks.
sudya: Tell it that it rasstrelyayut.
perevodchik: You will be shot, if you not priznayeshsya.
chukcha: I hid money under yurtoy.
perevodchik: He told that to him all the same...

*****

Goes (H) an ukch and peeps. (M) ent approaches it and speaks:
to M - the Chukchi, che you peep?
Ch - Medicine drank, odnako.
M - AND PEEP TO ChE?
Ch - So on medicine is written odnako.
to M - Where?
the Chukchi gets a bubble. There it is written: "After meal".

*****

There is a Chukchi on rails, and towards to him - poyezd.
poyezd signals: Tu-uuuuuuu!!!
chukcha: - I this am dear the first found, I will not concede however!
HU carried the train the Chukchi on pieces, stuck together it in hospital and it returned home. Sits with the wife, and in kitchen the teapot begins to boil: Tu-uuuuuuu!!!
chukcha is enough an axe and carries a teapot on kuski.
Wife Chukchi: And hundred such angry husband on a tsyaynik?
chukcha: They should be destroyed they small so far!!! In!!!

*****

There is a Chukchi lengthways reki.
vidit the geologist sinks, hands mashet:
-Rescue, help... To
uvidel chukchu:
- The Chukchi, help! The Chukchi, rescue!
chukcha rassuditelno:
- And what to me, however, from geologists will be?
geologu already everything, almost kranty:
-Anything to you, Chukchi... Boole... Boole... will be... Boole... Help rather! The Chukchi of the geologist and in camp brought
vytashchil. Remunerations trebuyet:
-However, the geologist obeshchal.
-Che promised you?
- Promised anything. Anything the geologist You promised dat.
-in the right mind, the native? Thanks that, of course. Saved life. But, on etom
all! Go away in the of plagues!
obidelsya Chukchi. Decided to find a justice on the geologist. Went to nachalniku
ekspeditsii:
- The Big geologist! Yours promised to give the geologist to me ANYTHING!!! And itself takaya
the greedy! The bad word calls, however, sends to three letters, here! He ty promised
- of That?
- of Anything, however...
- Close eyes, the Chukchi... You see Che?
- of Anything, however...
- So take away a couple and. ...!!!

*****

There is a Chukchi, conducts a cow on a leash and a pipe drags under the arm. Towards - another chukcha.
-Zdorovo, the neighbor!
Fine!
Where gathered?
However, here, geologists in a bath priglasili.
-A a cow what for?
Told, however, with the telka prikhodit.
-A a pipe?
However, we will hoot all night long.

*****

There is a Chukchi on the road, saw the mirror rolls, he lifted it, looked in it: "Oh, mine!!!"

*****

There is a Chukchi, on him a cap with four peaks. It sprashivayut:
- The Chukchi, well, a peak ahead and a peak behind, it it is possible to understand, but zachem
kozyrki on each side?
- However that the wool over the eyes was not pulled!

*****

There is a Chukchi from shop and bears the refrigerator. It is asked: "Why to you the refrigerator, you in plague of electricity have no Chukchi?" - "However, the Chukchi not the fool! The Chukchi too bought the socket!"

*****

There is a Chukchi on the platform along structure and in each car the head fights. It sprashivayut:
-You that is cars spoil? Yes at me the ticket in a first-class carriage - here also I look for
- …

*****

There is a Chukchi on striptiz.
vozvrashchayetsya dissatisfied, friends sprashivayut:
-Well as it was pleasant?
- That has to be pleasant there?! Some little girl half an hour pytalas
otorvat a long iron pipe, poor all izmuchatsya, not udalos
otorvat, turned and left. :(!

*****

There is a Chukchi on the tundra, sees: other Chukchi digs a hole. It asks:
-Why a hole you dig the first?
- However it is necessary to be photographed on a belt!
IDET first Chukchi back. Sees: the second Chukchi digs one more hole. asks:
-Why one more hole you dig the first?
- However in duplicate is necessary!

*****

There is a Chukchi down the street and pishchit.
ego ask - that it with you?
- Medicine ppinyal.
-Well so?
- Well, and there is written on a box - after reception of food!

*****

There is a Chukchi somehow time down the street, looks - the pocket mirror on the earth lies. He lifts it, looked in it and speaks:
-Oh, at mine however ….

*****

There are the geologist with the Chukchi on a narrow footpath …
navstrechu - medved.
geolog, throwing off from a shoulder ruzhyyo:
-Bach! Bach!
medved shrugs shoulders, is developed and leaves. The geologist looks for traces of blood and does not find kapli.
speaks chukche:
-Well I could not miss the mark from three steps!
A the Chukchi emu:
-However if would shoot - did not miss the mark, and you - "Bach! Bach!" shouted …

*****

Go two Chukchi on a taiga. Forward holds a branch and otpuskayet.
vetka the back Chukchi crack, that fell and speaks:
-Thank you that held, and that, however, in general would kill.

*****

Go two Chukchi on the tundra - would see --- the Russian. There was a wish them for it,
govoryat: "Give we you we will love". She speaks - "All right, tolko
prezervativy dress that I had no children. "To
through there are two months. There are Chukchi on the tundra, one speaks drugomu:
-Listen, to you urine went to the head? Da's
-! And you?
-I to me! Let's rubber remove, let it will have children!

*****

There is firing practice of a tank platoon. The lieutenant orders firing practice on a handheld transceiver:
- Tank number one, fire!
razdayetsya shot. The commander looks in binokl:
- The Target is hit! Tank number two, fire!
strelyaet second tank. Commander:
- the Target is hit! Tank number three, fire!
tishina. Lieutenant opyat:
-Tank number three, fire!!
opyat of a shot is not present. The commander broken golosom:
- The Tank number three, … mother, fire!
TANK does not shoot. The commander selects a pipe on the earth, approaches the tank and raving with fury beats a pipe on a tower:
- You, what there, fell asleep?!
otkryvayetsya the hatch, leans out the Chukchi and, removing shlemofon, vozbuzhdenno:
- The Commander! I become stupid, the CAP TALKS!

*****

The Chukchi and the American, on medvedya.
u Chukchi the old Berdan rifle with a buckshot,
A at an americana the fancy gun on slona.
nu go shooting, go to himself. See a bear. The Chukchi fast from the gun BA-BAH …. the bear behind them …
begut from a bear, and the Chukchi recharged the gun and again on a bear of BA-BAH … .
Tak proceeded several times. To the American bothered to run from a bear, charged the gun and in a bear of BA-BAH … the bear upal.
chukcha stopped at once approached a bear and tells amerikantsu:
-Well hundred, however, the fool you, however itself will drag now a bear to a yurta.

*****

There are two Chukchi on the wood. One drags a phone booth, and the second - brevno.
-to You why a phone booth?
- However if the wolf attacks, I in it spryachus.
- And you why a log?
- However if the wolf attacks, I will throw it also to me it will be easier to run.

*****

From the explanation to instruktsii:
"the list of those who has to them access and for whom will be surely attached To the list of minerals of our country now they are really useful".

*****

From the center for management of space flights communicate with korablyom
- The Squirrel reception!. Gav. Check temperature for bortom.
- The Arrow reception!. Gav. Check a charge solar batarei.
- The Chukchi reception!. Gav. Chyo it razgavkatsya, feed dogs and that do not touch!!!

*****

Caught somehow two Chukchi of a walrus, grasped by flippers and drag to the settlement. The walrus canines plows the earth, heavy to Chukchi. Towards to them geolog:
-Hey, Chukchi! You would take it for canines - it will be easier!
chukchi obeyed, undertook canines, drag. In half an hour one speaks:
-Clever, however, Russian! It is easier to drag!
- However is not present, silly! We back to the sea came!

*****

Americans test the FROY-RTFRD-USA ballistic missile. And its block of targeting refused and it departed to Chukotka. Well, sent ours behind it search group. There are they on the tundra, and towards the Chukchi. At it sprashivayut:
-Tell, the Chukchi, flied a big fiery stick here 10 days ago. You did not see it?
- No, however, did not see. The plane - flied, the helicopter - flied, FROY-RTFRD-USA - flied, and the big fiery stick - did not fly.

*****

ITARTAS reports: The Ukrainian geologists found a large-scale deposit of oil in the territory of Ukraine, but development of a field is very difficult as it moves across the territory at great speed in iron tanks

*****

To the minister of natural resources Artyukhov the CEO of the geophysical enterprise with dokladom:
"comes the General Staff takes offense at us, we ceased to issue them gravimetric cards" .
ministr vozmushchenno:
"do not pull to me the wool over the eyes! I built all life of the road and I know that with gravel at us in the country everything is normal".

*****

How a fight of two French on swords is called? - Duel.
a fight by two Chukchi at daggers points? - Woodcarving.

*****

How to make the Chukchi happy for all day? To Write
- on a paper tape from two parties: "Look on the back"

*****

As our correspondent from Western Siberia reported, the other day in a remote Siberian taiga the geological party found the boy which grew up family of woodpeckers. A question of the correspondent how the kid feels, geologists answered that it already zadolbat them.

*****

How to learn, what the Chukchi came to cockfights? He came with utkoy.
kak to learn
-, what there the Italian came? He delivered to
-on utku.
kak to learn, what mafia is involved in all this? The Duck won
-.

*****

How the Chukchi eats sausages? Here tak.
zabludilsya the Geologist in a taiga, shouts: "People! Where you!? Help!" There is because of a tree a Chukchi and speaks: "And, as here - so "people!", and as in Moscow - so "frying pans with ears"!"

*****

How the Chukchi checks matches in a box? Gets a match and the match bad strikes eyu.
If - is not lit from the first, - he throws out it, If
khoroshaya - is lit from the first, - he extinguishes it and again cleans in boxes.

*****

- What water-melons at you were born!
It not water-melons, it kryzhovnik.
- And what vegetable marrows!
- It not vegetable marrows, it gorokh.
- And as your nightingale is filled in!
It not the nightingale, is the Geiger counter...

*****

KVN-razminka:
-Why the grandfather could not extend a turnip?
- Because the striking miners tightened it back.

*****

KVN-razminka:
-Why Jews of 40 years went for Moisey?
sbornaya CIS:
-probably, at it were them komandirovochnye.
sbornaya Izrailya:
- They looked for where in the Middle East there is no oil.

*****

Chinese sent the official announcement soldiers of Chukcham.
te in reply: "However, where we will bury all of you!? …""

*****

The commander of a regiment is reported by the person on duty on rote:
-during watch of any incidents a company did not happen. Dezhurnyy
po company private Ivanov!
-Ivanov!
- Is so exact!
-A who are you on a nationality?
- Chukchi, odnako.
- And why Ivanov?
- So in the charter is written down.

*****

- Who is cleverer, a cat or a dog?
- Cat, of course!
-C of that it?! You sometime saw
-A that ten cats dragged in the tundra a team with Chukchi dragged.

*****

The Chukchi bought the car. Put in plagues. All mudflows around i
rassmatrivayut. One looked, looked and speaks:
-Krasnaya.
vse approvingly began to nod the heads. The second touched and speaks:
-all nod Zheleznaya.
opyat. The third the Male, however felt an exhaust pipe and speaks:
-.