Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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The Chukchi of coffee bought. Sits, reads the instruction. "To put lozhku
kofe". Put in a mouth. "To put two spoons to sugar". Polozhil
sakhar in a mouth. "To fill in with boiled water". Filled in with boiled water in rot.
"to Stir". The Chukchi got up, started jumping and speaks:
-Well and will think up!

*****

The Chukchi bought the car …
EGO sprashivayut:
-Well and how?
-Holese, however, to the city in 30 minutes doyezyayu,
pravda back for 4 chasa.
-??????
- Back, however, current one speed.

*****

The Chukchi in Moscow bought sexual lingerie, arrived home, tried on on the wife and shares impression with druzyami:
-Excites, however, through it to see everything: both casing, and valenoks.

*****

The man on a chukchanka and suddenly, a scratch of runners of the approaching sledge lies...
- Get down rather, the husband arrived, will kill however!
-A I read, what at the Chukchi the husband under the guest himself puts the wife?
-Ouch what a pity however! Absolutely illiterate at me the man, does not read books!

*****

The forester caught on the lake brakonyera-chukchu:
-Why beat a duck? Washing
- shoots a drake, - answers chukcha.
-As you distinguish a duck from a drake? - asks lesnichiy.
-washing got, - means, a drake, washing missed the mark - means, a duck.

*****

The Chukchi by plane flies. Comes styuardessa:
-Misters, at us one engine therefore we will arrive for an hour pozzhe.
nemnogo pogodya again styuardessa:
-Misters refused, at us the second engine, but anything refused, we will reach on one, only we will arrive at three o'clock later, we bring the izvineniya.
i a little more pogodya:
-Misters, accept our apologies, but at us the last engine refused...
chukcha from a place nedovolno:
-Well here, however, all night long it is necessary to fly...

*****

Summer. The plane flies to Sochi. Picture such: three sitting, at a window - the beautiful girl, at pass - the man, and in the middle-chukcha.
muzhchina saw the girl and speaks chukche:
-Hear, let's be interchanged the position, and?
Ch. - No!
M. - Well, here to you 1000 dollars, only you sit down on my place, and ya
na yours I will sit down!
Ch. - No!
muzhik of that only did not offer the Chukchi, and it all "Is no and no" .
togda the man called the stewardess, told, as well as that. The stewardess bent over the Chukchi, something to him whispered on an ear. The Chukchi right there jumped m changed other row. The happy man sat down by the girl, began to communicate with her and so on. It became interesting to the man, he also asks at styuardessy:
- And what you told him?
-A, nonsense, I told that this row of seats does not fly to Sochi!

*****

The Georgian, the Jew, the Chukchi and the Russian fly in the plane. Suddenly the pilot runs in and speaks: "The plane falls, and parachutes only 4." Took a parachute and jumped. Remained 3. The Georgian speaks: "I have 20 children, I should jump." There were 2 parachutes. Jew: "Well, I have a nation the cleverest, I too should jump." There was 1 parachute. The Russian speaks: "The Chukchi, you jump, and I as the most brave will be lost."
chukcha answers: "Well you, however fool. Jump with me, I gave a backpack to the Jew, he clever, will think up something …"

*****

The surveyor asks at geologa:
-With what mistake you count stocks? We consider
- without mistakes.

*****

The international congress of hunters in Africa. The Englishman acts: "I killed hundred crocodiles!" All: "Oh, cool!" the Frenchman Acts: "I killed two hundred rhinoceroses!" All: "Well, vashchshche!" The Chukchi acts: "It is a hogwash. Here I killed five hundred nouser". All were surprised and decided to spot on whom the Chukchi hunts. See: the Chukchi with a rifle to a bush creeps, from a bush the frightened Black jumps out. Chukchi: "Crocodile?" - "No, Sir!"

*****

In the war the Chukchi in an entrenchment sits. Grenades, cartridges came to an end,
A on it prt the tank. It is enough the machine gun, runs out from okopa
i directing a barrel on the tank improviziruyet:
-Tra-ta-ta-ta …
IZ of the tank gets out other Chukchi and parting hands:
-Women …

*****

On the Far North there lived a Chukchi with the wife. They very much loved each other and every year they gave birth to the child, and even two. And once they understood that they cannot support more children. The Chukchi decided to address to the doctor to solve this problemu.
doktor (Russian) looked at the Chukchi and said:
-I know as you to help! Come into shop and buy a petard more, posle
chego go home, in plagues. At home light a petard and consider to desyati.
- And what further?
- of Anything is everything that nuzhno.
poslushalsya the Chukchi, bought a petard, brought home, lit and began to consider, bending fingers of the left hand...
- of Times, two, three, four, five...
chukcha clamps a petard between feet and continues to consider, bending fingers right ruki:
-Six, seven, eight...

*****

On a film studio "Chukchafilm" remove "Young Guard" .
stsena from filma:
stuk at a door. Grandma asks:
-Who Tam?
-of Oleg Koshevaya of the house?
- Is not present, went traps to Germans stavit.
-Report to it, the Gestapo came, became angry very much!

*****

The chorus as the Chukchi speaks at a regional song contest. Left, rose in four rows. The first ryad:
-I Will take away you to the tundra... Vtoroy:
-Red. Tretiy:
-Blue. Chetvertyy:
-Green. And so all song. During discussion members of the commission govoryat:
- The First row sings well. But what do other three?
-O! It at us a light show.

*****

- What is the fight of two French swords?
- Duel.
- A fight between two Chukchi knife?
- Woodcarving.

*****

World War II began. The Chukchi in army was taken away. There is a fight,
vokrug shells are torn, bullets whistle, companions perish. There was a Chukchi odin
v an entrenchment. Fascists surround and krichat:
-Rus! Stafaysya, rus!
-Rus is not present! The Chukchi is! Nada?!

*****

Rather deep well was drilled by team of the Buryat geologists. Now it gets from it richness of America.

*****

Recently in Dnepropetrovshchina opened new mine. And by tradition threw a cat there. She also scratched the first three tons of coal.

*****

The German sniper sits in an entrenchment, from the Russian party it is visible nobody, work stands idle. Well, so also used cunning. Krichit:
-Pyotr!
IZ of an entrenchment looks out the head, the sniper snyal.
-Vasily!
opyat looks out the soldier, his sniper snimayet.
-Ivan!
Ta history. In an entrenchment the Chukchi and almost molitsya:
-Only not Buzurbay sits! Only not Yorkhoydyr!

*****

Germans choose the smaller from two evils - clever ochen.
chukchi choose from two evils the bigger - not really umnye.
evrei choose from two evils both - from greed that li.
russkiye choose from two evils three - thrill-seekers.

*****

The new Chukchi (what on Hawaii has a rest) complains drugu:
-I Reached here cool, but here the washing machine in a cabin menya
dostala!
- That, rustled?
- Is not present, but linen back not vozvrashchala.
- And what washing machine?
- Yes zastenny, with lateral loading and a round glass door.

*****

The new Chukchi Muscovite meets rodstvennikov.
-Well as you, however, live?
- Yes here, apartments bought the three-room, odnako.
-Why so many rooms are necessary to you?
- As, what for? - In the first plagues put, in the second too, and in the third tozhe.
- And a toilet where?
- As where, for plagues, however. And still the red jacket bought. Hardly fitted a fur coat. Tokmo one problem is, however. Likes do not want to drag "Mercedes" …

*****

At night absolutely naked woman stops a taxi, sits down on a back seat and throws: - In Beskudnikovo!
taksist - the Chukchi, without starting, looks on nee.
-Well that stared? Did not see the naked woman? The Chukchi saw
- naked the woman. The Chukchi thinks: when we arrive, from where, however, you will get money?

*****

Well, think that mineral raw matheral resources are only cheese and mineral water.

*****

The announcement on train station:
-Companions Chukchi! Electrosledge "Moscow-home" go from the third and fourth rail...

*****

The announcement on railway vokzalu:
-Skory the train No. 3 goes from the eighth way. For the Chukchi and ensigns I repeat: the fast train goes about the 16th and 17th rails. For strashy officers I remind: figure 8 reminds the woman in a form.

*****

One Geologist got lost, some days starved, grew and froze. Creeps and sees: the Chukchi, and nearby - the mountain ryby.
- The Chukchi sits, give fishes - I die!.
- However, I cannot, - the chief to ask nado.
- And who you the chief?
-Ya to itself chief! The
Chief, give fishes!
- However, take how many you want!

*****

One Chukchi, approaching another, laid over by a heap gazet:
-That new write there?
- However, interesting piece was invented, zovetsya.
- And what is it? Mozhn's
- You to make cloning one more, and one more, and mnogo.
-it is good, however: I went fishing one, the second I on okhotu
poshel, the third I stayed at home - the wife udovletvoryat.
-Yes, at the same time and the geologist take away to your wife hodit.
-What for? However, after all and the wife it is possible to make the second...

*****

Once the Russian tells Chukche:
-Let's play: I think zagadku; guess - I give you ruble, is not present - You me .
-Davay.
igrayut.
-One inside red, outside black and blestyashchaya.
-Seal?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-One galosha.
chukcha puts rubl.
-Two in red, outside of black and blestyashchikh.
- The Seal?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-Two galoshi.
rubl...
... Night, the Russian and the Chukchi, igrayut.
-1689 in red, outside of black and blestyashchikh.
- The Seal sit?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-1689 galoshes...

*****

Once the Chukchi from hunting returned. The wife to it and speaks:
-That you want?
- However, is hochu.
ona it nakormila.
-That else you want?
- However to drink hochu.
ona it napoila.
-That else you want?
- However to sleep with you hochu.
perespali.
-That else you want?
- However, skis I want to remove.

*****

Once the geologist treated the Chukchi with pelmeni. Very much it was pleasant to that,
dazhe asked the recipe. In a year expedition again arrived, and on this raz
chukcha treated the geologist with pelmeni of own production. The geologist gorged on i
asks:
-What tasty pelmeni. And you why do not eat?
- the Meat grinder hurts, however...

*****

Once the Chukchi on Red Square walks. Stopped, looks at the watch on Spasskaya Tower. Approaches muzhik.
-Are pleasant? You Want
-Nravyatsya.
-? I Want
-!
davay one thousand rubles also wait for me here, I behind a ladder sbegayu.
vzyal money also escaped. In some hours the Chukchi understood that him deceived. Arrived home, all told. There arrived his brother to Moscow. Is on Red Square, looks at the watch. Approaches muzhik.
-Are pleasant? You Want
-Nravyatsya.
-? I Want
-! Give to
-one thousand rubles and wait for me here, I behind a ladder sbegayu.
- And, no! Chukchi not the fool! Wait you for me, I run!

*****

Once friends sent to the Chukchi a New Year's parcel: m@ndarina and red caviar. The Chukchi writes to the answer pismo:
"A parcel received, for m@ndarina many thanks. And we threw out a cranberry - it smells as fish."

*****

Once there is a Chukchi from shop and bears the refrigerator. It sprashivayut:
- The Chukchi, why to you the refrigerator, to you even is no place to include it?
- However, Chukchi not the fool! The Chukchi too bought the socket!

*****

Once the chief of the station sees: the Chukchi approaches the car of the train and fights about it the head, approaches the following - and the head, approaches the third - and the head, etc. The chief asks:
- The Chukchi, you went mad?
- However is not present, the Chukchi looks for a first-class carriage.

*****

Once the mute Chukchi got lost in a taiga. Costs on a clearing, mashet
hands, signs shows: "I got lost! "
vykhodit to it on a clearing other Chukchi, too mute and znakami
pokazyvayet: "You that started shouting at all wood?"

*****

Once entered the new into the Olympic sports: zabivaniye of nails golovoy.
prokhodyat competitions. The French athlete acts. Nailing two hammered - and it was carried away with the injured head. The American athlete acts. Rub nailing hammered - and it was carried away with the injured head. The Chukchi acts. Hammered fifty nails. Declare result: first place was won by the athlete of the USA, the second place was taken by the athlete of France, the third place was taken by the Chukchi. Chukchina trainers took offense and went to find out why only tretye.
- And your athlete in general violated rules: it hammered nails with hats down.

*****

Once put the Chukchi and a monkey on the desert island. Priyezzhayut
- At the Chukchi huge ears, and at a monkey the cone on a forehead. Repeated eksperiment.
priyezzhayut - again the same. Again repeated experiment and reshili
prosledit. Look: the Chukchi bulges an ear: "It that rustles?" A monkey -
stuchit of on a forehead - "Falls!!!"

*****

Once sent to space of two dogs and the Chukchi. The first round, from the earth vyzyvayut:
- The Squirrel went!
- of Gav!
- Press the red button!
- of Gav! Gav!
poshel second vitok.
-Arrow!
- of Gav!
- Press the white button!
- of Gav! Gav!
poshel third vitok.
-Chukchi!
- of Gav!
- You that you bark, ….! Feed dogs and look touch nothing!