Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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Before revolution the Chukchi had two feelings: to cold sense and chuvstvo
goloda. Now it has three feelings: cold sense, feeling of hunger i
chuvstvo profound gratitude of our party.

*****

Interrogate the Chukchi through perevodchika:
- The Chukchi where you hid gold?
perevodchik: The Chukchi where you hid gold?
chukcha: I will not tell!!
perevodchik: It not skazhet.
-If you will not tell where gold, we will kill you!
perevodchik: The Chukchi, they will kill you if you do not tell them where zoloto.
chukcha: Gold is buried at an entrance yurtu.
perevodchik: Shoot, swine, all the same I will not tell!

*****

The Jew marries a chukchanka. His parents come in plagues to look at the daughter-in-law. Sara mother whispers Abramu-muzhu:
-Overcome, it such black, narrow-eyed, short-legged!
OTETS of the bride reports that in the given gives 5 herds of deer, 3 gold mines and 2000 sable shkur.
sara-mother again whisper Abramu-ottsu:
- And it anything, to a yaponochka is similar.

*****

Eurochukchi Abramovich invested $500 million stolen in Russia in Chelsea, but the kom@nda could not win the European cups. At the same time it invested V
TSSKA $50 million which are also stolen in Russia and the kom@nda received kubok.
prostoy accounting calculation shows that the investment of the stolen money in Russia is 10 times more effective, than in the West.

*****

The geologist on the tundra on the car goes. Suddenly the motor decayed. Left, digs in the motor. The Chukchi on olenyakh.
-Hey goes, the man, want for a bottle three magic words I will tell?
-Net.
through the Chukchi comes back two days, and the geologist still with car vozitsya.
-Well, want three magic words I will tell?
- Well, tell!
- However, a tractor is necessary!

*****

The Chukchi home, mood good goes! The song poyet:
- The Sky pure sitsas, is not present a cloudlet anywhere - Uuu-aaa!
- Is fast my deer runs, there will be I home soon - Aaa-uu! Tomorrow I will take
- the gun, I will go shooting! Horoso! I will hit Bear
-, I will be meat is much! Horoso!
- Here and plagues mine in the distance, and the wife washing there is …
(Pause) of
-of Adnakh, a padl, what song was damaged! And?

*****

The Chukchi on mashine.
gaishnik him tormoznul:
-goes you exceeded skorost.
-However, the wind was passing.

*****

The Chukchi goes to St. Petersburg by train. The patlaty rocker sits next. The Chukchi hvastayetsya:
-Yes here I too learned to play the guitar, I compose songs, however, I want to create group in St. Petersburg and here I will not think up how to call …
- the Chukchi to St. Petersburg with a guitar … So this cinema!!!

*****

The Chukchi goes by the train, clamped a jew's harp between teeth and brynchit:
- dzyn... dzyn... dzyn...
Near it went the girl. The girl speaks: "not brynch!",
chuchka perestal.
Tishina. there passes minute, the second. The girl seductively sat down i
asks:
- there is a wish?
- a hotsa! - well give
, only bystro.
Dzyn dzyn dzyn dzyn dzyn dzyn dzyn...

*****

The Chukchi goes by the train. Went to a dining-car. The setup comes back and cannot find. His conductor asks:
-you that, did not remember the car?
- Well. I remember. Behind a window still the birchwood was.

*****

The Chukchi goes to a taxi. Reached to a place, the taxi driver speaks:
-From you 200 rubley.
chukcha gives 100. Driver vozmushchen:
-Why 100?
CHUKCHA:
-A you unless did not go?

*****

The Chukchi goes to a taxi, and on a cowl a cervine figure. The taxi driver says to it that it is a front sight to force down people. And here suddenly the grandma on the road ran out. Driver hardly vyvernulsya:
-Faugh! Carried by!
chukcha a back door hlop:
-your bad the shooter if not my door, yours would leave the grandma.

*****

The Chukchi goes to a taxi across Moscow. Ahead the drunk. The driver tries ego
objekhat but where aside he turned, drunk tends there, no
vot the taxi driver by the drunkard almost slipped, here the Chukchi opened a door mashiny
i sshib pyanitsu:
-Absolutely bad hunter, - the Chukchi speaks to the taxi driver, - be not the Chukchi, ushel
by the man.

*****

The Chukchi goes by the tram. The driver objyavlyaet:
- The Following stop .
chukcha starts rushing about "on September 12" on tramvayu:
- And what, earlier it is impossible in any way?!

*****

The Chukchi goes by the tram. Driver:
-Following stop "on March 8th"...
CHUKCHA:
-Oh fight, and is impossible earlier in any way...!?

*****

The Chukchi on the tundra goes - sees: there is a tower, nearby the bulldozer, the car, geologists bearded go...
ON approaches and asks at muzhika:
-Tell, what here do?
- That-that... you do not see, drill!
-of Neeet, you will not deceive the Chukchi! The Buryat, however, not so do!

*****

The Chukchi on the tundra and poyet:
stop, oleni
stop, dogs,
STOP my sledge goes ….
… …. its May layf … ….

*****

Go to a taxi on a forward seat, near the driver Chukcha, and on the back - the Georgian. The driver asks Chukchu:
-to you where?
A the Chukchi only is also able in Russian sprosit:
-As dilya?
- Where-where?
- As dilya?! I do not understand
-!
- As dilya?!
Driver is wrapped to Gruzinu:
-That he speaks?
-of Patamuchto!

*****

Married, the Chukchi on the Russian. Go to bed in the evening... To
CHUKCHA:
-You, the wife me for the night deliver a glass with water and a glass without water!
Wife:
-A why without water?
CHUKCHA:
-Glyupy you are a woman, I when will wake up, I can zakhotet
pit, and I can not want.

*****

The Chukchi married the Frenchwoman. In its year sppashivayut:
-Well as problems with language?
- Nitsego, such shchekotny...

*****

Once upon a time there were in a taiga two geologists. And here the food came to an end at them, and the helicopter from the Continent everything does not fly. There is nothing to do, took one gun and went a game to trade, and the second stayed at home on economy. Only the hunter departed from an izba, met a bear. Bach - Women!... and by. And the bear as will flock for the man. Well, the man on skis. Runs, runs to a saving izba. And a bear behind it: just about will catch up and will gobble up. Here it, a door, it is only necessary to run and close. And here the man stumbles about a porch and falls. The bear under laws of inertia flies by the geologist inside. The man jumps, closes tightly a door and shouts in a window: "Vasya, you skin it so far, and I will go still I will get something"...

*****

The journalist asks at arkheologa:
-Skolko years to this stone axe? tysyach.
-A as you learned
-8-9?
Well, after all the axe is found in a layer which age of 8-9 thousand let.
-A as you learned age of a layer?
Same it is obvious: find tools in this layer which age of 8-9-thousand years...

*****

Expedition in the tundra got lost. Snowstorm, wind, snow. There were krichat:
-People, help! The Chukchi from sugroba:
-Yes, as in Moscow - so the Chukchi and as snowstorm - so people.

*****

Got lost two Chukchi in the wood. speaks:
-Do some shooting one, can who uslyshit.
odin time the Chukchi, anything shot. At times shot - silence,
trety of times shoots, nobody slyshit.
-Shoot still, - speaks tovarishch.
-I cannot, - the shooter answers, - arrows came to an end.

*****

2 Chukchi in a taiga got lost. To one another speaks:
-Znayesh when Russians in a taiga are lost, they start shooting in the air. Let's try too!
vtoroy the Chukchi starts shooting in the air. Shoots, shoots, and suddenly stopped strelyat.
pervy it asks:
-Pochemu ceased to shoot?
-A of an arrow at me came to an end …

*****

The Geologist in a taiga got lost, shouts: "People! Where you!? Help! "The Chukchi also tells
vykhodit because of a tree demonic golosom:
" And, as here - so "people!", and as in Moscow - so "frying pans with ears"!"

*****

The Chukchi bequeathed to two sons to bury him in okeane.
oba the son were lost, digging a grave.

*****

The Chukchi comes into a drugstore, approaches to okoshechku.
- You have a sour cream?
- 8-O??? No...
- And a sausage smoked is?
- No, and sausages is not present...
- And a small fish dried is?
- Well! We do not trade in such things in a drugstore! - BADLY TRADE in
!!!
is I BADLY!!! HERE GET UP FOR the RACK, I WILL LOOK AT YOU!!!!!
- Concordant...
Here also traded they places. The Chukchi for a rack, and the seller to okoshechku
podvalivayet:
- And what, the Chukchi, at you red caviar is?
- Est.
- 8-O
- Well, and black is?
- Est.
- Well, then to me on 100 grams of that and drugoy.
- A U YOU the RECIPE is?!!!

*****

One Chukchi to another comes into a yurta, sees - on a floor the skin of a polar bear is outspread. asks:
-Itself killed?
-SAM.
-How many times shot?
-Desyat.
-How many times got?
- odnogo.
- And of what it died?!
- From laughter …

*****

Two Chukchi come into the bus, one asks:" Skazite of a pozalust, I by this bus to movie theater will reach?" - No. The second: - And I?

*****

The Chukchi wanted times to get rid of the patient and the rich brother. He invited the Russian - a karateist and told: "Dress up as the shaman and kill my brother." Russian changed clothes, entered in plagues, fuss was heard from there. The Russian left: business is ready. Then at the Chukchi the second brother died and he again called the Russian to finish the brother. And then the Chukchi thought: "This person killed two of mine brothers. Now it is necessary to kill him." Also called the Japanese - a karateist and told it: "Pretend to be my dying brother and when under the guise of the shaman Russian enters - kill him." Russian, suspecting nothing, entered in chum; fuss and rattle was heard. The Russian left and told: "Well and you had a brother! To it still to live yes to live!"

*****

Statement: "I ask to direct me on courses of salary increase of"
"I Look for work... Forgot where it is"

*****

The Chukchi in the local Ministry of Culture and asks:
-calls somehow Why it at us the people tell "candies-monfety", "cookies-mechenye"... Yes, understand
-, - answer it, - the Republics young, the people illiterate, well no KULTUR-MULTUR is present.

*****

The Chukchi in the Politburo of the Central Committee of CPSU calls. "Hallo, I want to become the member of the Politburo. What for this purpose it is necessary? "
EMU answer: "You that, idiot? "
-A it is obligatory?

*****

- Know, than the new Chukchi differs from the usual?
-??!
- Crimson skis! And still the six-hundredth deer with folding hoofs.

*****

Know, than the new Chukchi differs from the usual?
-??!
- Crimson skis! And still the six-hundredth deer with otkidnymi
kopytami.

*****

There is a Chukchi on the platform along structure and to each car golovoy
byetsya. It sprashivayut:
- You that is cars spoil?
- Yes at me is the ticket in a first-class carriage - here and I look for...

*****

There is a geologist on the tundra, sees the maaalenky Chukchi sits and plachet.
-Chego cry, the Chukchi?
Da here, came expedition, had me all structure … painfully however …
-A of that on the help did not call?!!
Da is far, however: to the next village - 200 kilometers.
- Well and backwoods at you here, - told the geologist, undoing a fly …

*****

There is a man, looks - the Chukchi puts a column and climbs on it. Will fall,
snova puts and climbs. His man asks:
-You that you do?
- column Height izmeryayu.
-So you put it and izmer.
-So it, however, length will be, and height is necessary to me.