Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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Once the Chukchi sprosili:
-As often you wash?
- However, time in polgoda.
-Is so rare? And you do not feel the dirty?
- However, the first two months I feel, and then dirt itself falls off.

*****

Once the Chukchi learned to jump with a parachute. All explained as it is necessary and threw out from the plane. The Chukchi flies and everything cannot remember in any way for what it is necessary to pull. Suddenly sees, towards to it other Chukchi flies. It to it and krichit:
-Brother! How to handle a parachute?
A tot:
-However, I am not a parachutist, I am a sapper!

*****

Odnazha the Chukchi bought "Zhiguli". Arrived on them to itself to a settlement. Poured out the people, admires. One Chukchi wiped headlights. "However, what big eyes!" Another clapped on a roof. "However, what strong skin!" The third pulled at an exhaust pipe. "However, - a male!"

*****

strokoy.
v Krasnoyarsk the new field - maternity hospital number three is opened for one.

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It appears, Chukchi are more cunning evreev.
russkiye forbade them to hold a referendum on separation from Russia, so they prepare a referendum on accession to America now.

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Near-earth space. Communism Dawn space station. In an orbit of Protein, the Shooter and chukcha.
seans communications from TSUPA:
- The Squirrel!
- of Gav!
- Dress a space suit and leave to develop the 3rd solar batareyu.
- The Shooter!
- of Gav! Take
- the tool and check a motor compartment. According to our data at you utechka.
-Hey, the astronaut?
- of Gav!
- Yes do not bark, the idiot. Feed dogs and, for God's sake, touch nothing!

*****

He otvechayet:
-was heaviest, however, to force them to bite my collar!!!

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The OPEC asked Russia to reduce oil production volumes. Russia otkazalas.
-Why? - the OPEC was surprised - You lose nothing. Production will decrease, the price, the income увеличится.
- Yes we with pleasure will increase, but the gate rusted. It is not closed, an infection, - Russia answered.

*****

The wife sent the Chukchi husband for hunting, and he returned in a minute i
speaks:
-Listen, the wife, I just hit on a column of an eagle and so that kogti
poleteli in one party, and passatizh in another.

*****

The hunter on the tundra goes. The old hunter, is slightly weak-sighted. Sideways something zashevelilso - it women! offhand. Approaches: "Hare! Fur, meat however!" Goes further. Something about a stream began to move. It women! offhand. Approaches: "Black grouses! Vskusny meat, however!" Stamps further. Something in bushes was trembled. It women! Podkhodit:o! Geologist! Salt, matches, however!"

*****

There arrived the photographer the Chukchi to photograph. Photographed, started printing, and all of them as like as two peas. Well it, without thinking twice, took one negative and from it printed photos. There arrived to Chukchi,
pazdal. All look, rejoice, and one looked, looked and govopit:
-it is strange however, a face it seems washing, and Keshkin's shirt!

*****

The Chukchi bought KAMAZ at geologov.
vstpechayutsya through couple nedel.
-Well that, the Chukchi, how to you KAMAZ?
-of Uuu, good car. Cabin warm, body wide... Adnaka dogs quickly are tired...

*****

The frozen camel came to Chukchi. They pulled out it and think that it for zvep.
-Perhaps is a deer, then it is mozhno.
-Is not present, it likely a bear, to skin it mozhno.
-Is not present, likely, this is a seal, from her to melt fat mozhno.
tak anything and did not solve, went to the shaman. Shaman:
-Fools all of you, it is camel, it can be smoked!

*****

The Chukchi came to appointment. Costs at an extreme yarangi of a settlement, holds the thermometer in hands. Looks at it and govopit:
-I Will wait to minus of forty. If it does not come - everything, I leave home …

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The first that the Chukchi who arrived to Moscow could not understand is why all speak to him "however" and thus maliciously smile...

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First course. Naive Chukchi girl. Filled the text. Rubanuli electricity. Minus forty kilobyte. A hysterics with sobbings …
vtoroy a course. Careless Chukchi girl. Filled the text. Rubanuli electricity. Minus 64 kilobytes. Knee-deep in tears …
trety a course. Grown wise Chukchi girl. Filled the text. Rubanuli electricity. Minus 1.2 megabytes. Spat, pounded, again filled …
chetverty a course. Angry Chukchi girl. Filled the text. Rubanuli electricity. 64 megabytes in dust. Went, bit electricians …
pyaty a course. Clever Chukchi girl. Filled. Rubanuli. The diploma disappeared. Spat in the monitor, laid down spat.
shestoy a course. The gone nuts Chukchi. Filled nothing. The electricity is not chopped off. Sits, waits.

*****

Muster in army:
-Ivanov!
-Ya!
-Petrov!
-Ya!
- Chukchi! My
-!
- That "mine"?
- Is so exact!
- That Is "so exact"?
- of Ur-aaaa-aaaaa!!!

*****

The ship floats. Towards to it the submarine emerges. Leans out What Frantsuz:
-a course to Grenada?
- Zyuyd-zyuyd-vest-38.
plyvut further. The second submarine emerges. Leans out What Anglichanin:
-a course to Grenada?
- Zyuyd-zyuyd-vest-38.
plyvut further. The third submarine emerges. Chukcha:
-However, what course to Grenada leans out?
-Zyuyd-zyuyd-vest-38.
-However, you give not zyu-zyukay, and wave a hand better!

*****

Our anti-submarine ship floats, akustik the unknown submarine reports komandiru:
-Under us! The commander calls the regular scuba diver, orders to plunge and will find out boat accessory. In a few minutes the come-up submariner dokladyvayet:
- The Boat Japanese!
- Why? - Asks komandir.
-On the case hieroglyphs are drawn!
- is doubtful - the commander declares, - today Japanese make 50 percent of such equipment who only also cannot have it. Dive on the new! The scuba diver dives, comes up, dokladyvayet:
- The Boat English!
- Why?
-Ya put an ear to a board - there speak English!
- Yes in the world of 30 percent of the people speaks English! Dive on the new! - the commander speaks. The scuba diver dives, comes up, dokladyvayet:
- The Boat was chukchinsky!
- Why? I knocked with
-A in the hatch, and they opened …

*****

On the fast northern small river the kayak, and in it the Chukchi sidit.
sidit floats, rows and I sing pesnyu:
-Here, the Chukchi, I float on the river, deer came to a watering place,
bystpaya the northern river!
VOT the neighbor went to the wood, here a rift, and here kusty.
v bushes the geologist, fie, a reptile shits, all song damaged!!!

*****

By oversight the Chukchi got to a landing. Well, explained that such a parachute that to what … and began ucheniya.
posadili the Chukchi in the plane, threw out over the ground … The Chukchi whistles, so, for the valve pulls, for straps. Looks, towards still the Chukchi letit.
-Hey, you are a Chukchi landing? For what to pull? Washing
- do not know, my Chukchi-saper …

*****

At the request of the tribespeople there went a Chukchi to Moscow to learn when there is communism. The Chukchi comes to reception to Gorbachev and asks:
"When there is communism? "Here watch
-: you see, there is my "Volga", "Volga" Lukyanov ", Volga" Ligachev. Here when will be near consider to stand your "Volga", then, and will be kommunizm.
vernulsya the Chukchi in stoybishche.
-Learned?
- Learned. Here you see, there are my high fur boots, your high fur boots and still high fur boots. Here when there will be Gorbachev's high fur boots nearby, then, consider, and there will be communism.

*****

On the river floats ayak. Aft the Chukchi sits and smokes trubku.
ego the wife rows up the stream. The Chukchi thinks: ''It is good it, row to yourself and row. And I should think how to live further...''

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According to our correspondent from Eastern Siberia, the other day in a remote Siberian taiga the geological party found the boy which grew up family of woodpeckers. A question of the correspondent how the kid feels, geologists answered that it already zadolbat them

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The cave explorer was lost and there was from him only one helmet...
ETA a helmet devolved to his relative - too to the cave explorer.
VOT he put on this helmet and got into a hole. Suddenly hears golos:
-Deviate to the left!
otklonilsya. By with a huge speed the stone rushes...
IDET is farther. Again golos:
-Get into a crack on the right!
zalez. On a well flies by a little huge kamney.
- The Pancake, with such helmet yes not to go!!!
opyat slyshit:
-Put me here on this ledge!
polozhil. On a well passes a rockfall, one stone kills a rope,
muzhik falls and breaks. Kaska:
-Well here, it is again whole remained!

*****

The Chukchi approaches a geological tower and asks:
- And what here do it?
- Drill, do not see that li.
- The Chukchi will not deceive, the Buryat not so do.

*****

There went the geologist to the tundra. There arrived to the Chukchi in plagues and speaks:
-a Chukchi, the Chukchi, it is possible to spend the night at you?
CHUKCHA:
-Is possible however, only you do not bang my wife, however, as in last raz.
geolog:
-it is fine, the Chukchi, only you in my car do not twirl ne
nazhimay.
utrom the wife tells a wheel and pedals chukche:
- The Geologist, however, all night long banged me. You, however, where were?
CHUKCHA:
-Silence! I for you, however, revenged - all night long, however, pedals nazhimal
i the wheel twirled!

*****

The Chukchi by car traveled. Its all settlement provozhalo.
through some time comes the telegram: "Arrived normally, вернусь
такого." All settlement poured out it to meet. Wait for the Chukchi - there is no him. Den
zhdut, two wait. In a month comes. It is asked, why takaya
zaderzhka?
- However, there - three speeds, and back - one, and the head is tired zadom
napered to watch the road.

*****

There went a Chukchi to Mosva, comes, and relatives give it pasppashivat:
-Say, what in Moscow all kupyat.
-Smoke, odnako.
- And you smoked? I kupil.
-"Aster" smoked
-I?
-Kupil.
- And "Kosmos" smoked?
-I "Space" kupil.
-Well and how "Space"?
-B the beginning you smoke the filter, and then as "Aster", however.

*****

Two Chukchi of a seal on hunting caught, and will put him to the camp. They meet Russian, it to them speaks:
-Well cho you against wool will put. Put behind wool, easier budet.
nu Chukchi started putting behind wool, here speaks:
-Russian clever however - it is easier to put one stalo.
vtoroy to it otvechayet:
-Is not present, the fool Russian - we again to the sea came.

*****

Caught the Chukchi for gold theft. The militiaman interrogates, and drugoy
chukcha perevodit:
- Where hid gold, - asks militsioner.
- He, speaks, did not take, - translates chukcha.
- Tell it, - the militiaman speaks, - if now does not tell, I will order to
TO it rasstrelyat.
- He speaks, will not tell where gold to shoot you nemnozhko
budet.
- Under yarangy in a jug buried, - admitted vor.
- It speaks, - translated the Chukchi, - shoot! All the same I will not tell.

*****

The Chukchi shows to the neighbor fotografiyu:
-Smotri, however, as I left …
TOT with astonishment asks:
-A where you? Here only your wife embracing some bearded geologom.
-Kakoy you dull, however! I clearly told tebe:ya left!

*****

The Chukchi received the apartment and the Apartment good, only a wash basin strange brags druzyam:
-: I press the handle,
nachinayet to flow voda; I manage to wash hands still, and to clean teeth - no.

*****

Polar night. Tundra. Polar lights. Sledge go. In a team two Chukchi. On sledge dogs sit, shoot from guns, howl and bark who in what is ready. One Chukchi tells drugomu:
-It was your idea - to give to dogs of vodka.

*****

It was required somehow to ours during war documents from a staff of Germans to steal...
dobrovoltsev is not present (days all), sent means the Chukchi (it it is not a pity) and grit to it: if take for an ass - we to you sewed up in a collar an ampoule with poison, will bite it and kirdyk is instant - but type military secret will not hand over to voroga!

*****

Constructed a prapor soldat.
-Ivanov!
-Ya!
-B Kursk was?
- Is not present, was not!
- Пи#$@аст... - Petrov!
-Ya!
-B Kursk was?
- Is not present, was not!
- Пи#$@аст... Here the Chukchi a hand tyanet:
-Tovalis plapolsik, and vaplos to set a mozn?
- Well, zadavay.
-Tovalis plapolsik, and you on Tsyukotka were?
- Is not present, not byl.
-Well and here...

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Why in the Soviet Union there were so many jokes about Chukchi? Therefore chto
amerika was the far-away, unknown country.

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Why the Chukchi does not drive the car?
potomu that in the car three pedals, and the Chukchi has only two feet.

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Why the Chukchi discovers yogurt in shop?
- Because on it is written: "To open here!"