Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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Once the pregnant Chukchi to vrachu.
- The Doctor comes, a stomach inflated,
- Yes you is pregnant!
- However, cannot be - the husband in tayge.
- And you, probably, with other men spala.
-With men - no, with the geologist fell down, so after all it predokhranyalsya.
- And how?
- However, me on a muzzle threw a rag.

*****

Once the Russian tells Chukche:
-Let's play: I think zagadku; guess - I give you ruble, is not present - You me .
-Davay.
igrayut.
-One red, outside black and blestyashchaya.
- The Seal inside?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-One galosha.
chukcha puts rubl.
-Two in red, outside of black and blestyashchikh.
- The Seal?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-Two galoshi.
rubl...
... Night, the Russian and the Chukchi, igrayut.
-1689 in red, outside of black and blestyashchikh.
- The Seal sit?
-NET.
-of the Deer?
-NET.
- Then not znayu.
-1689 galoshes...

*****

Once the Chukchi in plague sits. Suddenly in plagues the little man flies, starts being turned under a ceiling and prigovarivayet:
-I am Carlson!
chukcha asks:
- And where your companion? What
- companion?
- Well as what? Fridrikhson …

*****

Once the Chukchi returned from Moscow and rasskazyvayet:
-However, Moscow saw. Slogan: "All for the sake of the person, all for the benefit of the person" saw, and saw the person of it.

*****

Once the Chukchi took with himself on hunting of Russian. Go, see - a den. The Chukchi threw a stone there, the furious bear got out of a den and rushed on hunters. The Chukchi rushed nautek, behind him Russian, behind them - a bear. Run, run, here the Russian thought that at him on a shoulder the carbine hangs. It on the run broke a carbine, was developed and killed a bear on the spot. The Chukchi approaches and speaks: "However, the Russian hunter - the bad hunter. Why now killed a bear? It was necessary to reach at first the house, and now who will drag it?"

*****

Once the Chukchi went to the subway and kept for poruchen.
-However, "Marx Avenue" in this party?
-NET.
"Thanks" - were told by the Chukchi, turning around and undertaking other hand-rail.

*****

Once the Chukchi went in one compartment with the maiden. The Chukchi clamped in zubakh
metallicheskuyu a plate and sits plays on ney:
"Dzzinnn!. Dzzinnn!. Dzzinnn!." Maiden: "Stop!" The Chukchi postponed svoy
muzykalny the tool and began to look out of the window. Through some time
devitsa left, changed clothes, returned and sat down very seductively. Chukcha
stal to look at it. Maiden: "There is a wish?" - "There is a wish". - "Well give, tolko
bystro!" The Chukchi snapped at a plate: "Ding - ding - ding - ding - ding!"

*****

Once the Chukchi went by the train. Comes - all in bruises and in ssadinakh.
- The Chukchi, what with you?
- However, on the top shelf went, all the time down padal.
-So you did not exchange with that who on the lower shelf went?
- However, could not exchange - there was nobody.

*****

Once the Chukchi married the Frenchwoman. After a while it sprashivayut:
-Well as?
-A that as? We for a long time razvelis.
-Why?
- Yes it, appeared, such dirty creature! She should wash every day!

*****

Once the Chukchi wanted to become the secretary general of the Central Committee of CPSU. Also became.

*****

Once the Chukchi came in magazin:
-However shampoo is?
- Is only "Yaichnyy.
-However is a pity. I all wanted to be washed.

*****

Once one Chukchi goes and sees: other Chukchi dug out a hole on a belt and sits in ney.
-Why you got into this hole?
- However, it is necessary to be photographed on poyas.
through some time there is the first Chukchi back and sees: the second Chukchi kopayet.
-Why you one more hole dig one more hole?
- However, in duplicate is necessary.

*****

Once the Chukchi bought "Volga" and went to the settlement to brag and how to brake - forgot. Turned round and round, turned round and round and crashed with scope into a stone. The car - into smithereens, itself - got to hospital. Came back home from hospital after a while and speaks: "Vrachi
saidi, is good that brains are not present, and that would be concussion".

*****

Once the Chukchi bought "Zhiguli". Arrived on them to itself to a settlement. Poured out the people, admires. One Chukchi wiped headlights. "However, what big eyes!" Another clapped on a roof. "However, what strong skin!" The third pulled at an exhaust pipe. "However, - a male!"

*****

Once the Chukchi bought the refrigerator. It sprashivayut:
-Chukchi, why to you refrigerator?
- However to be heated in the winter: in the winter on the street -40, and in the refrigerator-4.

*****

Once the Chukchi bought a case with an internal mirror. Opened his houses,
udivilsya:
-However, look, the wife, the brother to me arrived! podkhodit:
-Watch
Wife, look, and with it some woman.

*****

Once the Chukchi was employed to paint the steamship. Painted. The commission came to take over work. Look and speak: "The Chukchi and why you only on the one hand painted the steamship? "
- However, Chukchi not the fool! The Chukchi read the contract, there is written: The Chukchi - on the one hand, Rechflot - on the other hand!

*****

Once the Chukchi approaches cash desks of long distance trains. "Tell, and the train 975 goes on Berkakit? "
- " Is not present ".
- "And the train 1007 goes on Berkakit? "
- " Is not present ".
- "And the train 911 goes on Berkakit? "
- " Is not present ".
- "And where? "
- " On...!!! "
- " and it through Berkakit?"

*****

Once the Chukchi brought into frontier part of the Geologist and speaks:
-However, the spy poymal.
ego sprashivayut:
- And from what you took, what this person - the spy?
- So, however I go, I see: there is this person and on the rock a hammer knocks. I ask: "You who?" And it: "Chief of party". The Chukchi not the fool, the Chukchi knows, who at us the chief of Party!

*****

Once the Chukchi brought the novel in edition. Whether the editor read and speaks:
-Understand, rather weakly... To read classics to you. You Turgeneva read? And Tolstoy? And Dostoyevsky?...
- However, no. The Chukchi - not the reader, the Chukchi - the writer.

*****

Once the Chukchi came in magazin:
-However, how many this accordion costs? We do not sell
- to Chukchi of an accordion .
chukcha went, dressed up under hokhla.
-as Skilki awaking the accordion to cost?
- We to Chukchi of an accordion not prodayem.
poshel, changed clothes under gruzina.
-this Pa-achem an accordion?
- We to Chukchi of an accordion not prodayem.
- And how you every time learn, what I is a Chukchi?
- But only the Chukchi can call an accordion the battery of steam heating.

*****

Once the Chukchi came to shop: "However, how many this accordion costs? "
- " we do not sell to Chukchi of an accordion." The Chukchi went, changed clothes under the Ukrainian. "Awaking Skilki the accordion to cost? "
- " we do not sell to Chukchi of an accordion." Went, changed clothes under the Georgian. "This Pa-achem accordion? "
- " we do not sell to Chukchi of an accordion. "
- " and how you every time learn, what I am a Chukchi? "
- " but only the Chukchi to mozhetnazvat an accordion the battery of steam heating."

*****

Once the Chukchi came in magazin:
-However you have color TVs? Then give to
-Est.
-, please, the green.

*****

Once the Chukchi came to the shaman and asks what will be winter -
teplaya or cold? The shaman thought: "If I tell warm, it can ne
zagotovit firewood, and suddenly the winter will be cold? I will tell better that cold". I
said. Then it became a shame to it and it went to meteorologists. asks:
-What there will be a winter?
-Holodnaya.
-A why?
-A of wons the Chukchi went for firewood.

*****

Once the Chukchi was going to Moscow. Speak to it: "Bring deficiency." - "And where it?" - "And as you will see turn - means behind deficiency." And here the Chukchi in Moscow. Caught a taxi and speaks to the driver: "Carry behind deficiency." - "In GUM? In Central Department Store? In the Petrovsky passage?" - "However where the turn is longer." The driver gave a lift to the Chukchi to GUMU. There was a Chukchi to Red Square, saw turn to the Mausoleum and speaks to the taxi driver: "However, I will get up here, and you come for me in the evening." In the evening the taxi driver arrived and asks: "Well as?" - "However, it was not lucky: until reached a counter - the seller died."

*****

Once the Chukchi costs on a post. Someone goes mimo.
chukcha: "Password! "
- Went on...!
chukcha: "However, how many years stand, and the password is not changed."

*****

Once the Chukchi was on Pushkin Square and watched on pamyatnik
pushkinu:
-However, who it?
-Pushkin.
-Is which "Mu-Mu" wrote?
- Is not present, "Mu-Mu" wrote Turgenev.
-However, it is strange: "Mu-Mu" was written by Turgenev, and a monument to Pushkin.

*****

Once the Chukchi with the son hunt in a taiga. See - a squirrel. Pff! "However, - a skin" .
vidyat - an elk. Pff! "However, - meat" .
vidyat - geologists. Pff! Pff! Pff! "However, - matches".

*****

Once to the Chukchi in Moscow the taxi driver thought zagadku:
-Who the son of my mother, but not my brother?
- However, not znayu.
-I! The Chukchi home also tells
vernulsya zagadku:
-Who the son of my mother, but not my brother?
- Not znayem.
-Moscow taxi driver, however!

*****

Once two Chukchi got lost in a taiga. One speaks:
- When Russians will get lost, they shoot in the air. So - strelyay.
vtoroy the Chukchi began to shoot. Shot, shot and perestal.
-You what ceased to shoot?
-A of an arrow at me came to an end.

*****

Once Chukchi wanted to become related with Jews. Come svatatsya.
-However, you have a daughter, we have a son, want to become related with you. However, yurta
u you old, new it is necessary, - put on a table fifty tysyach.
-However, you have no deer, it is necessary much, - put fifty more tysyach.
-However, the daughter at you is poorly dressed, richly it is necessary, - tysyach.
stary the Jew tells fifty more to the zhene:
-Sara, whether it seems to you, what our new relatives there is more pokhozhi
na than Japanese?

*****

Once at the Chukchi the sixth child was born. Here the Chukchi also fills a metrics: the father's nationality - the Chukchi, mother's nationality - the Chukchi, the child's nationality - kitayets.
ego sprashivayut:
-As the Chinese, if you, parents - Chukchi?
- However, the Chukchi read the newspaper, and there is written that now every sixth on Earth - the Chinese.

*****

Once asked the Chukchi what he knows poslov.
-However, I know "ambassador Chrezvychayny", I know "ambassador Upolnomocheny" and znayu
" the ambassador on …"

*****

Once at the Chukchi sprosili:
- And you at yourself on Chukotka listen to enemy radio? Yes, konechno.
-Well and what they give
-?
- Yes is more increasing pugayut.
- And how frighten?
-A here so: u-u-u-u!

*****

Once asked the Chukchi: "And you at yourself on Chukotka listen to enemy radio? "Yes. Well and what they tell
- to
-?
- Yes is more increasing pugayut.
- And how frighten?
-A here so: u-u-u-u!

*****

Once asked the Chukchi: "The Chukchi, you want to become Pochetnym
akademikom of Academy of Sciences of the USSR?" The Chukchi thought and told: "However,
khorosho! On the even - the academician, on odd - to catch fish!"

*****

Once at the Chukchi sprosili:
- The Chukchi, you want to become the Honorary academician of Academy of Sciences of the USSR?
chukcha thought and said:
-However, well! On the even - the academician, on odd - to catch fish!

*****

Once the Chukchi was sent to investigation and told emu:
-If the patrol hears you, cry any animal, naprimer
koshkoy.
chukcha spread. Everything reconnoitered, creeps back, here his sentry and uslyshal.
-Stop! Who goes?
- However, we, cats, home creep!

*****

Once the Chukchi was asked: How often you wash?
- However, time in polgoda.
-Is so rare? And you do not feel the dirty?
- However, the first two months I feel, and then dirt itself falls off.