Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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Alcohol in small doses is harmless in any quantities.

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Alcohol in small doses is useful in any quantities.

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Alcohol kills nervous cages. Remain only quiet.

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Alcohol is from what tongue it is loosened and braided at the same time.

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Allah gives to Chechnya money and 99.5% of votes of the United Russia.

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- Hallo, the girl, accept faks.
-Speak, I write down...

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- Hallo, Novodevichy Convent?
- Yes.
- New girls is?

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- Hallo! Olya it is possible? You know
-A, the young man, is not present it doma.
-I Know, it at me. So it it is possible?!

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- Hallo! Sidorova it is possible? - He now takes a bath! - Tell to this bathtub that I to it povytsarapat eyes!

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- Hallo! It is "Fast"? Come soon! At my wife white goryachka.
-Why you so solved?
- Yes here the full room of devils, and she does not see them!

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- Hallo? It is service of protection of animals?
-DA.
-Srochno come, in the yard on a tree the mail carrier sits and obscenely offends my mastiff.

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- Hallo! It is possible for Tan? - And you know, the young man, she is out. - I know, I know - it at me. So it it is possible?

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- Hallo, it is phone 44-44-44? Yes.
- Call
-, please, 03 - at me the finger in a disk got stuck...

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Albus Dumbledore was such ancient, such ancient old man that instead of spermatozoa it had spermatozavra.

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Alfred Nobel is considered the first inventor of dynamite only for that simple reason that previous it was not succeeded to identify.

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Ambitions is when you go on zkzamen, you think that you know on 2 and when put 4, you are surprised, why not 5.

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The American movie star tells podruge:
-Imagine, I had to postpone for some time a wedding with Gari.
-Why?
-Ya I marry now Fred.

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The American geologists found some Arab country over large deposits of the American oil.

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The American geologists found some Arab state over a new field of the American oil...

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- American children grow up early and go from their parents. They went to even earlier - but prevents the cord.

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The American scientists and geologists found some Arab country over a large American oil field.

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Americans think that if to speak more slowly, all understand English.

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Anal sex! Anal sex! And to shit now I as will be?

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Angela Davies in the USSR very much liked the movie ''Chapayev''. Especially place. ''Here we will cut out all white, and happy life will come! ''

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Anna Hermann all night long did not sleep: was afraid that Victor Fedorovich will not remember 58 words of the oath or will insert something about Chekhov …

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- Anton, what at you so the person swelled? The wasp bit?
- was not in time, the wife killed with her rolling pin.

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The apogee of career of the GAI officer is when it comes into the box, and it to it just right!

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The druggist trains ppaktikanta:
- And from this banks we pour only when handwriting on the recipe absolutely the illegible...

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The druggist meets the friend and interesuyetsya:
-Well that, the friend, therapeutic mud which I gave you last week, improved appearance of your wife? You know
-, only for two days, and then your powder flew.

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Army. "Old man" on a demobilization leaves: - Well, boys, we will sit down on a path... Spirits on 30, and scoops on 20 times!

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To the actor suggest to participate in shootings of a dangerous episode. It with alarm asks:
-Listen, and this rope will not tear?
- Well done! - exclaims the director. - It is excellent ideya.
If to give daily a dinner to the enemy, it is possible to get the friend.

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The astronomy is a science which teaches us as it is correct to use the Sun and planets.

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Auto-training. The husband jumps out on kitchen, closes eyes: "Not my wife, not my wife" - and run in a bedroom.

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Afghanistan became the first country which recognized independence of Kosovo. So the producer ­ of heroin recognized independence of the distributor.

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Ah you are Vanya, dear Vanya! You hear a knife it is sharpened? Make, Vanya, trimming - I to Israel want.

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- Ah, the young man to what you remind me my third husband...
-A how many you all had them?
-Two.

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- Ah, your scarlet sponges..., and these breasts - as peaches..., and what gentle tummy... ah, and this round pupochek...
- We will strike or to carry out inventory?

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Baba-gaishnitsa can not only stop at full tilt couple of hundreds horses, but also have from it couple of hundreds dollars.

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On reception at vracha:
- The Doctor, I have a grandma a strange illness! Both I will sit down, and I sit, both I sit, and I sit... I will lay down - all I lie and I lie, and I lie...
- Grandma! You see a door, and so, go and go, and go...