Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lenin

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Dzerzhinsky Leninu:
-Well, how to you new young secretary, Vladimir Ilyich?
- of Poyabyvams..., a khe-kha, - Lenin.
-has a fit of coughing About! Yes you igrets, old man?! I govoit
-Ya, GIVING TO DRINK to YOU, sudag, to pyekyatit these gyazny hints!

*****

Dzerzhinsky, having got tired after sleepless night in ChK, took a nap, sitting on a chair. To it Lenin and - crack on a kumpola very quietly crept! That vstrepenulsya:
- And?!
- Check of revolutionary vigilance!

*****

The doctor leaves from mavzoleya:
-Will live!

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In Shushenskom exiled revolutionaries warned Ilyich: "He marry, Vovan, on Nadezhda Krupskaya. Remember: Nadezhda dies the last!" He obeyed Lenin wise speeches, married Hadezhde:
kak in water revolutionaries looked.

*****

- How you live?
- As by steamship: the horizons wide, there is no place to disappear, feels sick, but edesh.
-As Lenin: do not feed and not horonyat.
-As an acorn: around oaks and any pig to eat norovit.
-As potato: if do not eat in the winter, i

*****

Painting of the preference player. A picture (in a heavy bronze frame). Ha to a picture - the table covered with green cloth. Ha a table - candles in candelabrums, glasses, slices of pineapple and, naturally, cards. Foreground: on a bent Vienna chair the sad man without trousers sits. This is Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. The picture is called: LENIN IN HILLS.

*****

Dzerzhinsky to Leninu:
-Vladimir Ilyich, to you walkers comes...
- From where, Felix Edmundovich?
- Seems, from under Saratova.
-To hell, to hell them, Felix Edmundovich! The third cap was eaten...

*****

Felix of Edmundovich:
-Vladimir Ilyich, to you walkers comes...
- From where, Felix Edmundovich?
- Seems, from under Saratova.
-To hell, to hell, Felix Edmundovich! The third cap was eaten...

*****

Call to Smolny: - Hallo, Smolny? - Yes, Smolny! - You have beer? - No. - And where is? - In Winter. - Hurrah - and- And!

*****

- Hello, companion walker, sit down! You, of course, poor?
- Yes here, Vladimir Ilyich, it seems, is also not present. I have a horse …
- Aha, so, you a middling?
- Yes how to tell, Vladimir Ilyich … It is full every day, children are full, put,

*****

Winter. Beginning of the XX century. Siberia. The blizzard, dark evening, rush three three across the field. On the first three Roma. Songs sing, have fun. On the second - women. In total in polar foxes, sables. Enjoy life. On the third - barin.
obnimayet two women. Fly up to an inn, the barin gets out of sledge (the little little man, being confused in a huge fur coat). Runs out sexual with a tray. On it a crystal small decanter with vodka, a crystal glass. Pours to the barin, brings. The barin drinks, a small decanter - hryas about a wall! Sexual in from all scope on the head a glass - hryas!
- the Barin, for what?
- That knew, the rascal, LENIN goes to the reference.

*****

There is Lenin, sees - the girl cries. It and asks:
-That you cry, the girl? Mother kopek gave
- to me on hlebushka, and I lost it!
szhalilsya Lenin over the girl also gave it kopek. And the girl all the same plachet.
-Why you still cry, the girl? - Lenin.
- And if I did not lose kopek was surprised, I now would have two kopeks!
He was pleasant to Lenin bourgeois essence of the girl and he took away kopek from it... And at the same time both hat, and jacket, and shoes...

*****

There are Lenin and Trotsky down the street, see: three capital letters - MOC.
- What is it? - are asked by Lenin Trotskogo.
-Not znayu.
- And I do not know. Let's ask that Jew. Hey, the companion, what it for a sign?
evrey runs across on other party and shouts in otvet:
-Can Die Both!

*****

From the answer to the letter sent to edition youth gazety:
"Dear Katya you should not despair. Here Nadezhda of Konstantinovna
uzh on what the enforcer was, and what guy snipped off!"

*****

Sometimes Nadezhda Konstantinovna did not let visitors to Lenin, saying, what Lenin zanimayetsya.
kogda the especially annoying asked, than is engaged, Krupskaya otvechala:
- When you hear the phrase "the dawn is engaged", you do not ask, than?

*****

- Iosif Vissarionovich, you for business of revolution could shoot ten people?
- kaneshno, Vladimir Ilyich! Tell
-, old man, and ten thousand people could shoot?
- kaneshno, Vladimir Ilyich!
- so, so, old man mine... And if for revolution it w

*****

To Lenin send hodoki.
posle conversations with them he calls Dzerdzhinsky and speaks emu:
-Vsekh immediately to shoot!!!
Ho at first - good strong to tea...

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To the 100 anniversary since birth Soviet industry vypustila:
1. Spirits "Ilyich's Smell".
2. A bast "In Lenin places".
3. Lenin in Flood wine.
4. A three-sleeping bed "Lenin with us".
5. A wall clock where instead of a cuckoo Lenin on a bronevichka and speaks:
- Companions leaves! Revolution for which the world proletariat so long waited... to a ku-k... to a ku-k...

*****

To the next anniversary of V. I. Lenin made special model wall chasov.
kazhdy hour instead of a cuckoo Lenin on an armored car and speaks:
"the Socialist revolution about which need so many time were told by Bolsheviks, Ku-Ku leaves!. Ku-Ku!!... Ku-Ku!!!..."

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What is the highest measure Of party punishment was introduced at the XXII congress?
- Exhumation.

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- What exist Easter?
- Jewish - in memory of an outcome of Jews from Egypt, Christian - in memory of Jesus's revival and Soviet - in memory how Lenin dragged a log.

*****

When Lenin was imprisoned, of bread he made an inkwell, of milk - ink, and of the neighbor in a chamber - Nadezhda Krupskaya.

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When Stalin was buried at the Kremlin wall, on his grave there was a wreath with an inscription: "Posthumously repressed from posthumously rehabilitated".

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Kom@nda from the sunk Soviet ship was taken prisoner k
lyudoyedam, and those gather her sjest.
-Companions cannibals! - the captain speaks. - You had a collectivization?
-NET.
-A cult of personality?
-NET.
-A celebration of Lenin anniversary?
-NET.
-So that you so flew into a rage?

*****

Competition on the best political joke in honor of Lenin anniversary on 1jj.ru:
- the Third award: 3 years of the general rezhima.
-Second award: 5 years of a high security plus 3 years on Lenin mestam.
- The First award - a meeting with the hero of the anniversary.

*****

The secret apartment, knock at a door. Trotsky looks in a peephole - there the unknown person with bandaged litsom.
-Who there?
- of Otkgyvay, is Vovka, a moykovka! After long altercations through doors, Trotsky, at last, recognizes Lenin and lets in it inside. Lenin utters historical frazu:
-Konspigation, tovagishch, and still gas a konspigation!

*****

The correspondent interviews at V.I.Lenina.
-Vladimir Ilyich how you thought up the slogan "Study, Study and Study"? Anything I did not think out
-, I the handle painted it!

*****

Krupskaya remembers, kind Vladimir of Ilyich.
-was what Vladimir Ilyich on a shop Sits somehow, sharpens a britvochka, and on a shop the little girl sits next. Vladimir Ilyich will look at it, and again to sharpen, will look, and again to sharpen...
A could and slash!!!

*****

Krupskaya acts before pionerami:
-Dear children! For everything Lenin's kindness is known. I will tell you such case. Sits somehow Vladimir Ilyich on a shop sharpens a britvochka, and on a shop the little girl sits next. Vladimir Ilyich will look at it, and again to sharpen. Here Lenin shaved, a brush washed up, again a britvochka sharpens, at the girl glances. Then wiped a britvochka and put in a futlyarchik. And could and slash!!!

*****

Americans bought the mausoleum. Brought to themselves and put na
kryshe the highest skyscraper. Somehow Lenin wakes up, leaves,
smotrit around and speaks:
-Well here!!! All in accuracy as I imagined.

*****

Lenin quickly went on Smolny, holding a stomach. Towards - Gorkiy.
-Vladimir Ilyich! I here, wrote the novel "Mother"!
ilyich snatches out the book, pulls out the page and comes in tualet:
-Very much, very timely book, tovagishch Gorky!

*****

Lenin speaks at postrevolutionary congress of RSDRP(B):
-of Tovagishchi! A socialist gevolyution, about need kotogy so doggo Bolsheviks, - SGERShILAS govogit!
golos from fraction anarkhistov:
-is possible for Usratsya...

*****

Lenin govoril:
-In party only three true communists: Ulyanov, Lenin and I.

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Lenin with Gorky...
L: And to whom it came to mind you Gorky to call, sweet you mine???!!!

*****

Lenin with Dzerzhinsky celebrate small need round the corner of the Kremlin palace...
-you have no Felix Edmundovich and why it at me murmurs?
-A it because you to me in a boot, and I to you in karman.
-Oh, my God, mine "April theses"!

*****

Lenin lived - the teacher istorii.
speaks "Lenin is living" - Lenin convinced kommunist.
"speaks will live" - the progressive scientist-geneticist speaks!

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Lenin calls Dzerzhinskomu:
-Felix Edmundovich! Yesterday some goat of a sneaker at me pulled down!
"Really guessed?" - Dzerzhinsky thought, stroking a beard.

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Lenin calls Dzerzhinskomu:
-Felix Edmundovich! Obvious pgoisk of a kontgevolyution! The Zavtga a community work day, and at me inflatable bgevno spegl!

*****

Lenin very much, whether know, he did not love petty bourgeoises and in every possible way with them borolsya.
idet, happened, down the street, sees, at a window the pot with a geranium stoit.
lenin it is be enough and as shmyaknt about a wall...
A did not throw out the earth, krestyanamotdavat.