Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lenin

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

400  401  402  403  404  405  406  407  408  409  410  411

Lenin from Krupskaya sit and drink tea. Suddenly on a ladder the terrible roar was distributed and lyazg.
-Nadenka, apparently, fell in a hall a fireproof case …
- Is not present, Volodya, is iron Felix a handrail rides.

*****

Lenin climbs on an armored car. Climbs. Around crowd, skandiruyet:
-Len-non! Len-non! Len-non!
LENIN:
-of Tova'ishchi! I am not Lennon, I am Lenin! The crowd continues
A skandirovat:
-Len-non! Len-non! Len-non!
LENIN:
-of Tova'ishchi! Govo'yu to you, I am not Lennon, I am Lenin! The crowd continues
A skandirovat:
-Len-non! Len-non! Len-non!
LENIN:
-A, h'en with you, Lennon so Lennon... Yesterday all my t'oubles seemed so far away...

*****

Lenin and Lunacharsky at an exhibition of artists futurists. Lenin: "I understand nothing!" Lunacharsky: "I understand nothing!" It were the first and last Soviet leaders who understood nothing in art.

*****

Lenin very much liked to swim, but so never drowned.

*****

Lenin was very much afflicted that his mother would not live everything year to revolyutsii.
"better, on the contrary, I did not live", - he spoke in a grief rush, and all tactfully agreed with it.

*****

Lenin sharply comes into Dzerzhinsky's office. Dzerzhinsky also sharply straightens out hands from under a table. Lenin asks:
-That Felix Igmundovich, dgochit? Dzerzhinsky otvechayet:
-Well, you Vladimir Ilyich how you could such think?
-A zdgya, pgipgiyatneyshy feature!

*****

Lenin played sports. Especially loved the weight though could not lift.

*****

Lenin, standing on an armored car, talks with national massami:
-Companions, revolution of which the working class dreamed so long ago, is cancelled! With nedoumeniyem:
-why V. I.?
- the Cap see
Bce? Changed for Aurora! 3,14zdataya, isn't that so, companions?!

*****

Lenin:
-Tova'ishchi! Again p'oisk of a mi'ovy impe'ializm! The Zavt'a the Zavt' communistic community work day, and someone uk'at my inflatable b'evno!

*****

Lenin hotly wanted that children grew up stoykimi
kommunistami. Happened, jokes with any boy, and then vdru
gsprosit: "Isn't that so, you will be a communist?" It is also visible that he wants,
chtob the fellow the communist of dews.

*****

Luzhkov decided to sell Lenin's body to fill up city kaznu.
byli offers to all countries and the museums mira.
nikto are sent did not want kupit.
tolko the affirmative answer came from Jerusalem. Luzhkov to sell otkazalsya:
- At you already one revived...

*****

Vladimir Ilyich liked to play sports. Especially respected a bar though could not lift...

*****

Memorial board: "In this house in 1910 V. I. Lenin disappeared with I. F. Armande from N. K. Krupskaya."

*****

The blizzard, dark evening, rushes the three across the field. Flies up to an inn, the owner jumps out from there, bearing on a tray a vodka decanter with the stopary. The little little man in a huge fur coat gets out of sledge, drinks a decanter from a throat and breaks it about the head traktirshchika.
-For what? Barin.
-Not the barin I am LENIN, to Siberia I go.

*****

Offer newlyweds a three-sleeping bed "Lenin with us".

*****

In the frosty winter evening Vladimir Ilyich po
moskve walked and met the little girl. The girl bitterly cried...
- That you cry, the girl? - asked Ilyich.
-Mother gave me kopek on hlebushka, and I lost it...
pozhalel Lenin the girl, gave it kopek, and it is all the same bitter plachet.
-That you cry now, the girl? - again asked Ilyich.
- And here if I did not lose kopek, would be at me now dve
kopeechki...
He was pleasant to Ilyich bourgeois essence of the girl. It at nee
kopeechku, and took away at the same time both a coat, and a hat...

*****

The husband comes back home, finds the wife with the lover and gathers with it raspravitsya.
-do not dare to beat him! - the wife shouts. - he saw living Lenin!

*****

At an exhibition .
Ha picture "Lenin in Poland" to a picture a tent of which two couples naked feet - man's stick out hangs and zhenskiye.
-It is a tent in Flood, - the guide explains. - Feet belong to Dzerzhinsky and Krupskaya...
-A where Lenin?
-Lenin in Poland.

*****

At collective-farm meeting in anniversary god:
-For excellent work in the field companion Ivanova is awarded by a grain bag! (applause).
- For excellent work on a farm companion Petrova is awarded by a potato bag! (applause).
- For excellent public work companion Sidorova is awarded by complete works of Lenin! (applause, someone's voice: "So to it, the swine, it is also necessary!")

*****

On one of houses in Switzerland hung up a memorial board: "Here Vladimir Ilyich Lenin and Inessa of Armande disappeared from Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya".

*****

At the intersection into the back to the 600th Mercedes crashes antediluvian bronevichok.
iz a Mercedes jumps out New Russian, fingers up, it is ready to boyu.
a from a bronevichka there is an uncle in a gray coat and a cap, with a ryzhenky small beard. The uncle Shchurit very good eyes, and speaks:
- And you, old man, not in that funny story stopped by. Felix Edmundovich, shoot, please, this bourgeois.

*****

The participant of the first Lenin subbotnika:
-speaks at pioneer collecting with memoirs Brought us with Fedya out of shop and moved on a community work day. Approached us small in a cap, with a small beard, having a burr and speaks: "Undertake a log companions!" Would go, we speak, you on...! Since then I did not see Fedya, and only month as left...

*****

- Nadenka, again someone in a lawn nasgat! How many gas govogit: it is necessary to watch these walkers!
- of Any walkers was not, Volodya. Only Alexey Maksimovich came...
- So is Alexey Maksimovich! What block! What mategy great man!

*****

Nadenka where it is my tgusik got to?
- So far you slept, Volodya, came Bonch-Bruyevich and took away them for muzeya
revolyutsii.

*****

- Nadenka where it is my pants got to?
- So far you slept, Volodya, came Bonch-Bruyevich and took away them for the museum of revolution.

*****

I have Nadenka to you a pgosba! When I to an umg, let mine chlen
otgezhut also bury separately!
- That for a strange request, Volodya? Magtov will tell
-: "Lenin umeg, and with it!" - will also be, as always, in kogne
nepgav!

*****

Nadyusha, urgently call please in VTSIK.
PEREDAY an im:subbotnik not budet.
opyat this political prostitute Trotsky stole my inflatable log.

*****

Wall clock in the form of the mausoleum. Each hour under peal of bells the corresponding number of times leans out a sarcophagus with Stalin of them.

*****

- Never thought that the Central Committee will play on me such a dirty trick! - Lenin in March, 1953 told.

*****

Never thought that the Central Committee will play on me such a dirty trick! - said
lenin in March, 1953.

*****

Night. Winter. A small lodge in the village of Shushenskoye. Large snow falls, in the room the lamp burns. Vladimir Ilyich comes off papers, sits down at a grand piano and starts strumming a melody. Nadezhda Konstantinovna approaches, puts to it hands on shoulders and sings along. It turns out nasty.

*****

Night. The apartment Krupskoy:
-Volodya, give once more!
- Well, Nadyush, I was tired, I cannot bolshe.
-Well the last time! I waited all day!!!
- Well, is only more silent, and neighbors will hear that: sing in chorus: "Whirlwinds hostile..."

*****

Once in the childhood mother caught Lenin with papirosoy.
on made the promise not to smoke, then he made a lot more different promises to workers and peasants, but executed only the first.

*****

Once sent to Lenin the telegram from provintsii:
"Shkraby starve".
- Who, who? - did not understand Lenin.
-Shkraby, - told it is a new designation for school rabotnikov.
-That for a disgrace to call such disgusting word of the teacher! - Vladimir was indignant week with Ilyich.
through the new telegram came: "Teachers starve".
- Here - quite another matter! - Lenin was delighted.

*****

Lenin's scientists recovered. He scratched a bald head and asked filing of "Truth" for the last 20 let.
chitayet: "Reception in the Kremlin...", "A lunch in the Kremlin...", "A breakfast in the Kremlin... "That did you give
- to me? - Lenin is indignant. - Same some menu!

*****

Lenin recovered and asked filing of "Truth" for the last 70 let.
chitayet: "Reception in the Kremlin...", "A lunch in the Kremlin...", "A breakfast in the Kremlin... "That did you give
- to me? - Lenin is indignant. - Same menu!

*****

October 25, 1917. St. Petersburg. Smolnyy.
provozglasiv a victory of a socialist revolution, Lenin zayavlyaet:
-From now on in all territory of Russia is entered the vosmichasovy working day and obligatory day off - Sunday!
B the answer - rough aplodismenty.
-Well if we, companions, manage to adjust work in a new way, we will be able to afford weekly two days off!
ZAL answers with shouts "hurrah!" and a storm ovatsiy.
- And if we introduce Ford's technologies at plants and a tractor - on fields, we will have a rest every week for three days!
shkval of an applause, to a ceiling fly papakhas, peakless caps and furazhki.
vyzhdav until the hall a little calms down, Ilyich throws into it with reproach: - I will look at you, companions, - a horse-radish you do not want to work!

*****

Vladimir Ilyich's father was very modest chelovek.
iz modesty it even a surname carried another - Ulyanov.

*****

Perfumery goods to Lenin anniversary: odekolon
"Lenin spirit", Ilyich's Ashes powder, In Lenin Places soap.