Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lenin

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Before the people Lenin as always comes on a tribune and wants to begin the speech vesti.
tak to it from crowd so in a whisper govoryat:
-Vladimir Ilyich, to you to hide...
-A in what business, tovarishchi?
- Yes, is not equal hour, white will come, you for them today a malicious offtopic...

*****

Before dismissal to Khrushchev do not sign a roundabout leaf in the mausoleum: it accepted two, and handed over one.

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Renamings to Lenin anniversary: the Leader's Stream fountain,
ptitseferma "Ilyich's Eggs", a shooting gallery of Fanny Kaplan.

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On a box show transfer with Yarmolnik - there gold should be won. Well and the question about astronauts goes. Here the daughter runs in (6 years) and speaks:
- And I know the astronaut - Yury Gagarinovich Lenin!

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The fire in Lenin's office. Lenin and Dzerzhinsky stand on podokonnike.
d.: Vladimir Ilyich, prygayte.
l.: Only after Vas.
dzerzhinsky prygayet.
l.: E, gruel. And said that the iron!

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After check of establishment by Rabkrin of the employee who was systematically late for work dismissed for razgildyaystvo; the employee coming before others dismissed for podkhalimazh; the employee who always was arriving on time precisely dismissed for the bureaucratic relation to business.

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After death Khrushchev got on a next world. Well and to it put on a forehead a brand of "shopping mall" .
vidit it, what here Marx, Lenin, Stalin and at them on foreheads too such kleymo.
khrushchev asks Boga:
-Why they have on a forehead a brand of "shopping mall"?
- Well, Marx - "the theorist of communism", Lenin - "the creator of communism", Stalin - "the tyrant of communism".
-A, at me why the same brand?
-A you - "the yap corn"!

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- Why after Stalin's removal from the mausoleum doubled protection there?
- Near the mausoleum saw Khrushchev with a folding bed.

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Why Lenin had no children?
ON said to the wife that will be at lyubovnitsy.
lyubovnitse said that spends time with zhenoy.
a itself on a cherdachok and … to read, read, read.

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The famous artist in the museum offers the picture under the name "Lenin in Poland". The art critic - the worker of the museum asks:
-Tell, please, that here izobrazheno.
-Is a tent in the Gulf of Finland. Bare feet look out of a tent. From below are feet of Krupskaya, and from above Dzerzhinsky's feet!
- So, and Lenin, where?
-A Lenin in Poland!

*****

At Lenin was as in the tunnel: around darkness, ahead svet.
pri Stalin - as in the bus: one conducts, a half sits, ostal-ny tryasutsya.
pri Khrushchev - as in circus: one speaks, all smeyutsya.
pri Brezhnev - as at cinema: all wait for the end of a session.

*****

At to Lenin workers also complain that is there is nothing govoryat:
-Remove a surplus-appropriation system, starving all oats were eaten, soon, as horses to neigh budem.
a Lenin to them otvechayet:
-That you companions are indignant. Here I ate a jar of honey yesterday and I do not buzz...

*****

Vladimir Ilyich home comes and tells Nadyush's Krupskoy:
-, sit down to me on a bald head!
- Yes as I can? You are the leader of revolution, Volodya...
- a gevolyution Name, sit down!
NU, Krupskaya lifted up a skirt and villages to Vladimir Ilyich on lysinu.
on approached a mirror, turned so, syak, dumped Nadyusha on a sofa and speaks:
-Pgavda is govogit by tovagishch - a bang to me not all right!

*****

Drunk Vladimir Ilyich and Felix of Edmundovich.
ilyich comes somehow home Nadezhda Konstantinovna is knocked in dver:
-, open! I will not open
-, Vladimir Ilyich, you pyany.
-Felix, break. Felix lomayet.
stuchitsya Lenin on kukhnyu:
-Nadezhda Konstantinovna, I will not allow to guzzle davayte.
-, Vladimir Ilyich, you pyany.
-Felix, break. Felix Lomayet.
poyeli oni.
-Nadezhda Konstantinovna, davayte.
-I will not give, Vladimir Ilyich, I still devochka.
-Felix, break.

*****

Lenin to Dzerzhinsky comes and speaks:
-In connection with the developed situation business of revolution demands to hang up 300-400 landowners and dvoryan.
-How many how many? I Tell
-, about 400 people should be hung up! Tell
- precisely, how many to hang up!

*****

Children to Krupskoy.
- The Grandmother Nadia come, tell us about the grandfather Lenin! You know
-, children, it was very kind. I here remember how children came to it, and Vladimir Ilyich at this time brilsya.
"the Grandfather Lenin, the grandfather Lenin, play with us! "
A it to them: Go to ebany mother!" - and could slash with the razor also...

*****

Come to Lenin Kalinin and Dzerzhinsky. And Lenin speaks:
-Again some goat bearded came to my Nadyusha! Gradually stroking
kalinin borodku:
-So a goat, you speak?!

*****

Walkers from derevni:
-Vladimir Ilyich come somehow to Lenin! Cancel a surplus-appropriation system, for hunger all grass was gobbled up, to low nachnem.
- The Lie soon, tell a lie: we with Felix Edmundovich ate recently a keg of honey also anything - we do not buzz!

*****

Walkers to Leninu:
-Vladimir Ilyich come! What to do to us? There is nothing to guzzle - one straw remained! You eat
-A solomu.
-So we and to low nachnem.
-Well why? I lime tags eat in the mornings, but I do not buzz.

*****

Lenin came to a bath somehow. To the people it is full, free gangs are not present. He looks - and nearby the proletarian - in one gang washes,
V of other foot soars, and a third with a hand holds that not sperli.
lenin - to nemu:
- The Companion, it not in a communistic way - at you is three gangs, and at me - any!
- Went on x **, and now as I will give that gang on a bald head!
through is fifty years old. The chairman sobraniya:
- And now will address you with memoirs the old worker who talked to Lenin!

*****

Two Georgians came to the mausoleum when still there Stalin lay. One speaks drugomu:
-See, katso, our great Georgian leader lies, the father of all people, ochen the big person!
vtoroy gruzin:
-Katso and who is nearby lies?
PERVYY:
-Vakh! It is its Order of Lenin!

*****

Walk, somehow, Lenin with Gorky across the Kremlin as suddenly spoils to Gorky a hat ptichka.
gorky - to Lenin: "It is good that cows do not fly".

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Sold ours to Americans a coffin with Lenin. Americans put it on a roof of the most vysky skyscraper in New York. Lenin gets up, oglyadyvayetsya:
-Well so I to himself communism and pgedstavlyal...

*****

Rabinovich looks at the poster "Lenin died, but his business lives! "
- is better about it would live!
telegramma: "Moscow, Kremlin, to Lenin. Companion Lenin, help the poor Jew. Rabinovich". next day Rabinovich is called where nado:
-by you in the right mind? You that, do not know, what Lenin died long ago?
- well, at you always so: if it is necessary for you, so it eternally live and if it is necessary for the poor Jew, so he died long ago!

*****

Rabinovich is surprisingly similar to Lenin. It is caused in KGB and govoryat:
-Companion Rabinovich, you though shaved a beard, and that inconveniently turns out...
- Well, let us assume, - answers Rabinovich, - a bogodka I sbgeyu. And UMIShchE where to put to a pgikazheta?

*****

Workers come to Lenin and complain of life that to eat a pier nechego.
a Lenin answers them that it is necessary to eat a grass and everything normalno.
u men will be clear in perplexity as it is a pier so, cows we can become, zamychim.
u and Lenin to them otvechayet:
- At what you are companions, here I ate a jar of honey and not a zhuzha yesterday.

*****

The worker rushes to Lenin before October vosstaniyem:
-Vladimir Ilyich, revolution is cancelled!
- As is cancelled?
-Felix Edmundovich left for fishing!
-of Agkhibezobgaziye! Yes that we, will not do without it?!
- Yes we will do without it, and here we will not do without "Aurora" in any way!

*****

Nadezhda Konstantinovna tells: "Vladimir Ilyich in general was very democratic person, will always attentively listen to the simple person, will always help, than can... Here, it is remembered, we arrived somehow to the province, to one small town. We go on the main street in the car, and here on a footboard the young worker jumps, and, choking with delight, speaks: "Give, you will go... and I will stand on a footboard... and to shout: "Ur to the leader of the world proletariat!!!"? Then Vladimir Ilyich, without telling the word, CAREFULLY pushed off from a footboard of the enthusiastic shouter".

*****

- Today we go to theater! Let's watch "a live corpse".
- Bothered already - all about Lenin and about Lenin!

*****

Today we go to theater! Let's watch "A live corpse".
- Bothered already - all about Lenin and about Lenin!

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Lenin sits at a table, writes. Then puts a pencil and goes to the card. When comes back - the pencil is not present. Lenin takes the call and NKVD:
- Hallo, Felix Egmundovich calls? Da's
-!
-U me my gevolyutsionny kagandash whistled! Already we look for
-, Vladimir Ilyich! So repeats two - three times! Will melt Lenina interestingly, after all the office is closed from within. He gets a new pencil from a box, puts it on a table, and looks …. The pencil slides and falls under a table. Lenin bends, and four pencils lie there, Lenin calls Dzerzhinskomu:
-Hallo, Felix Egmundovich, there were tg my gevolyutsionny a kagandasha!
-A is a pity, Vladimir Ilyich, three counter-revolutionaries already admitted!

*****

Two political prisoners in kamere.
odin drugomu:
-Za sit that sit? Painted a
Picture, "Lenin in Paris" is called.
-A that was represented there? A
Tent of Lenin in Flood, and from it doorary feet торчат.
- And- And, Lenin and Krupskaya?
No, Krupskaya and Stalina.
-Pogodi, and where Lenin? The
-A Lenin in Paris.

*****

There was a fire in Lenin's office. Lenin and Dzerzhinsky stand on podokonnike.
dzerzhinsky oret:
-Vladimir Ilyich, prygayte.
-Only after Vas.
dzerzhinsky prygayet.
-E, soft-boiled! And said that the iron! And teperer, tell-tales below, bear rather mattresses!

*****

Smerkayet, Lenin gets up because of a table, Felix Edmundovich helps it on with the coat and switches off svet
lenin vosklitsayet:
-That you do! Why you disconnected light?
-???
- Let walkers think that I work, and that departed in a rest room yesterday - a skomunizdila cap.

*****

Collected daddy of three sons and asks:
-my Sons, tell, it is only honest who from you pushed off our wooden toilet to the small river this morning and it uplyl.
v the answer tishina.
-be not afraid, sons, here remember the grandfather Lenin. When it was small, it in a garden cut cherry and when the father asked it and the brother who made it, he honestly admitted, and it to it nothing bylo.
vykhodit the average brother and speaks:
-It I papa.
otets grab a belt and give it mochit.
syn krichit:
- The Father and how Lenin, cherry?
OTETS:
- When Lenin sawed cherry, the father on it did not sit...

*****

Gathered Lenin from Krupskaya illegally to pass Swiss granitsu.
lenin got into a bag with which Krupskaya approaches to pogranichniku.
tot asks supposedly that in a bag?
Ta answers - "ware" .
TOT with a butt on meshku.
iz a bag: "Oh! … that is to tgam-tagaga!"

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Founders of the site 1jj.ru convincingly ask not to write letters with a question "And who such Lenin?". You zaspamit already to us all mail. Use search or Wikipedia.

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V. I. Lenin's colleagues were big shutnikami.
oni liked to write and stick on the capital of the announcement of type: "The milk cow is on sale", "I spin bast shoes cheap" or "Moonshine is on sale" and everywhere specified the Kremlin address Ilyicha.
vot and the people a never-ending stream reached for Lenin...

*****

Argue Furmanov and it is better than Dzerzhinskiy:ky the imet
-wife or the mistress? Furmanov speaks:
-Lyubovnitsu. To it you want you come, you do not want ne
prikhodish.
dzerzhinskiy:
-Zhenu. She will also feed you and napoit.
v dispute interferes Lenin:
-Luchshe of all to have both the wife, and the mistress. Zhene
said that left to the mistress, the mistress-chto
ostayoshsya with the wife, and itself on an attic, and to work, work, work!