Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lenin

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Stalin visits Lenin in Gorkakh.
-I Feel, old man, arkhiskverno, soon pomru.
- Then give me vlast.
-I am afraid, the people will not go for vami.
-Who will not follow me, will follow you.

*****

The old Bolshevik shares memories about Lenine:
-business was at the second congress. I come into a toilet, and our great leader costs so modestly aside and celebrates small need. And eyes at it such kind-kind! Such it to me and zapomnilsya.
v a summer camp the leader starts games with younger otryadom:
-children, guess, who it: greyish, with ears, outrode all field?
DETI molchat.
-well about whom we I will eat so many songs?
Vovochka joyfully shouts: I know! This is the grandfather Lenin!

*****

There is on a post in Smolny a sailor. Lenin approaches and starts iteresovatsya, as life, yes se. Matros:
-Here married, the child rodilsya.
-Allow to take an interest, and from what class your wife will be?
- (is proud) From the proletariat!
-I is correct! The proletariat it is necessary eb@t first of all!!!

*****

- What is "Communistic university of workers of the East" of
-This such cunning institution where Jews in English teach Blacks and Chinese how in Russian to do world revolution.

*****

Telegram: "Moscow, Kremlin, to Lenin. Companion Lenin, please help the poor Jew. Rabinovich" .
Ha of Rabinovich cause the next day in KGB:
- You that, went mad? Unless do not know, what Lenin died long ago?
- Well, at you always so: as it is necessary for you, so it eternally live and how to help the poor Jew, so he died long ago!

*****

Dark room. The lamp with green abazhurom.
lenin V. I. sits at a table and something pishet.
podkhodit Krupskaya N. K. looks through a shoulder and asks:
-That you write, Volodenka?
- of a m@ndata, Nadenka, m@ndata …
- Yes you... x. y morzhevy!

*****

Tovagishch workers and peasants, soldiers and sailors! - Ilyich shouted,
zabravshis on bronevik.
-Revolution will be tomorrow, and now - it tastefully pulled braces - the Disco!!!

*****

- Companions! Revolution is cancelled!
- Why?
- the Companion Dzerzhinsky on fishing uyekhal.
- And what, without Dzerzhinsky is impossible?
- Yes without it is possible, and here without "Aurora" in any way...

*****

Companions! Revolution is cancelled!
- Why?
- the Companion Dzerzhinsky on fishing uyekhal.
- And what, without Dzerzhinsky is impossible?
- Yes without it is possible, without "Aurora" in any way...

*****

Trotsky locked two main Bolsheviks, Lenin and Dzerzhinsky, in bronevike.
-Rat-tat! Trotsky, open! Leave
-!
- Rat-tat! Trotsky, open to whom told!!
- Shut up!
- Rat-tat! Trotsky, open, will be worse!!!!
- Went you...
- the Companion Dzerzhinsky, tear off plywood!

*****

The worker, leaving the mausoleum, raschuvstvovalsya:
-Lenin, eb his mother, lies - well as live!
- You where are? - strictly asks it militsioner.
- And what? I speak - Ilyich our native, eb his mother, lies well sovsem
kak the live!
- Yes you where are? - I bellow militsioner.
-Yes that? I only speak - our Lenin...
- Yes with it, with Lenin, I ask, you where are?!

*****

The worker waits for opening of wine department. It throws and catches anniversary ruble with Lenin and prigovarivayet:
- At me not in the mausoleum... you will not lie too long!.

*****

Lenin has a habit byla:
gde he was, will swell up on penyok or a hillock, a cap in a pocket, a hand will extend and stoit.
poldnya could stand.

*****

At Lenin sprashivayut:
- And how you in exile did without women? Pgedstavlyaete - dgochit
-! Pgevelikolepneyshy shtukention! And, the most important, any vged for a migovy gevolyution!!!

*****

Asked the security officer how to catch a lion in pustyne.
-to Catch a cat and to beat, will not confess yet that it - a lion.

*****

V. I. Lenin dies. Over it I. V. Stalin was inclined and speaks:
-Listen, Vladimir Ilyich, in an amicable way I ask: make me the successor!
- You see Iosif, I you, we will put, and made and I am afraid, the people for you not poydet.
-Where it, on figs, will get to? Though … You know,
kto will not follow me - so for you we will send that!

*****

The tired father of family came back home after the night worker smeny.
doma a lot of children who demand to play with nimi.
-Well, let's play the mausoleum where I will be Lenin, and you are sentries.

*****

Felix Edmundovich! You think, revolution was made by us, Bolsheviks?
KHREN to you, made revolution drunk matrosnya!
vecherom to me home were declared on October 25 3 drunk sailors... and further as cut off.

*****

- Felix Edmundovich, you have hairy feet?
- Yes, Vladimir Ilyich, and what is the matter?
- And we will write down: not to give out valenoks for the winter.

*****

Chastushka about Lenina:
eto that for bolshevik
lezet to us on an armored car?
kepku about the pugovky carries,
bukvu "r" does not say,
S up the raised hand,
dogadaysya, who such!

*****

Cuckoo clock - each hour leaves Lenin on an armored car,
prostirayet a hand and speaks: "Companions! Working and country revolution, o
neobkhodimosti to which Bolsheviks spoke all the time... to a ku-k!"

*****

The new telegram came in a week: "Teachers starve"
- Here - quite another matter! - Lenin was delighted.

*****

What did October revolution give to the simple people?
- Before the Lord came into shop from a main entrance, and common people - with black, and now the common people come into shops from a main entrance, and the Lord - with black.

*****

Shushenskoye. Nadezhda Konstantinovna awakes Muzha:
-Volodya at night, give?
That you, Nadenka, will hear!
Well, Volodechka, we gradually!
Well, partitions Tonkiye.
- The hell with them! I ask you, to me very much hochetsya!
NU is fine, only very quietly: "Whirlwinds vrazhdebnye
veyut over us...".

*****

Anniversary products: vodka "Lenin in flood" ;
kolbasa "member of Council of People's Commissars" filled with fat in such a way that on a cut - the Lenina;
konfety profile "an anniversary toffee".

*****

- How I saw Lenin, ask? Ordinary, here is how I with you now, Remember children, the voskresnik was. I sat down on a log to smoke. Suddenly approaches me small such in a cap and speaks: "What it you, tovagishch, do not carry a log?" I looked at it: "To yo

*****

- I am Lenina live saw!
-A I in a coffin! I read
-A about it on 1jj.ru!

*****

And here it is interesting when on the Russian channel show a sensuality in the evening, the belarusky television is a disgrace cuts out, and here Lukashenko's performance show completely.
strannoye at them some relation to a pornography.

*****

A.G. Lukashenko: - The second time changed the constitution..., it is time to think and about the Bible!

*****

Alexander Lukashenko speaks on telefonu:
-Good, good, bad, good, bad, good, horoshaya.
veshayet trubku.
-Well, anything without me cannot make, even to touch potato.

*****

Alexander Lukashenko declared that he was tired to be prezidentom.
po this 1jj.ru - "Crowning is appointed to Thursday".

*****

Alexander Lukashenko was entitled the Lifelong President of Belarus.

*****

Alexander Lukashenko solved under the guise of the simple citizen to look as there live his people. Changed clothes in a rvanye in the evening and went marketing. Approaches the seller of meat and asks:
-How much is kilogramm.
-150 rubley.
- And what is so expensive? But because we have
- the president - mudak.
obidelsya the Father, decided to teach a good lesson the asshole - to give the shakes. Comes on a limousine already in the appearance next day. Approaches besides to the seller and asks the same question. That otvechayet:
-150 rubley.
- And why it is so expensive?
-A to you, mudak, I told it still last night.

*****

The analytical program on the Russian television. The leader would ask the sobesednika:
-C what animal you compared Alexander Lukashenko?
Well, judging by his behavior and according to the published mental diagnosis it is a bear, and a bear rod.

*****

Bpezhnev:
hasha the eknomika has to be ekonomnoy.
gopbachev:
hasha economy has to byt.
eltsin:
hasha the economy has to...
kuchma:
hasha economy???????
lukashenko:
hashe!!!

*****

BELARUS. The girl on 600th "Mercedes" goes on the road, it is stopped by the GAI officer, and asks the rights, the registration certificate and so forth, then asks from where it such tachka.
devushka calls by the mobile phone and asks - "Sasha, here the cop asks me from where me such car." Also answers the cop - "Presented" .
Ha the next day the same history, only the girl on "Jaguar" of .
Ha the girl on "Lexus" .
posle the answer - "Presented" the third day, the cop pulls out at it the mobile phone and shouts -" Sasha and where such cars give? "
A votvt a voice with collective-farm accent -" To C?me Sasha, and to whom and Alexander Grigoryevich Lukashenko".

*****

The Belarusian election commission registered ten candidates for president and one president in candidates.

*****

The bulletin of election of the president of Belarusi:
-FOR the President Lukashenko A. G.
-AGAINST all other candidates

*****

In Belarus elections approach. The incumbent president of the country Lukashenko on the eve of elections issued the decree which threw in shock of all it konkurenktov.
ukaz says: "The president of Belarus any citizen of the country who was earlier holding this post not less than 5 years can be elected".