Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lukashenka

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Putin and Yanukovych fly by plane. Yanukovych asks Putina:
-As you think, Vladimir Vladimirovich if our plane crashes who will worry more: Ukrainians or Russians?
-of Nuuu, I think belorusy.
-Why?
- Yes because with us is not present Lukashenko.

*****

The slogan on the last March of Freedom in Minsk 15.03.2000g:
"Belarusian Belarus,
lukashenko-Usyarus!"

*****

Luka stopped writing the new decree No. 20 about declarations, Semyon you calls Domash and asks:
-Pachama and radnya the tvy hid at mayago to the people and at a deklaratsya not a napisaa "Our house - Belarus"? As Alexander Grigoryevich I can write to
-it if you in the declaration write "I have Belarus and Belarusians every day"?

*****

Lukashenke calls the agent from the populous area where hang up the dissident of Sidorova:
-Alexander Grigoryevich! Sidorov tries to tell something before execution, but we do not give, suddenly will blurt out something indecent! Start up
- speaks that wants! We have a democracy!

*****

Lukashenko indignantly asks Yeltsin's secretary a question why Boris Nikolaevich Kuchmu accepted, and net.
-you understand it, - that quietly answered, - in it there is nothing surprising. Everything put in taste of the President. Boris Nikolaevich always preferred to potato fat with a torch, even in very sick state!

*****

Lukashenko calls the minister of the oil and gas industry and ustraivayet
"rating": You such afford
- of Sho zh? Entered duty on oil, with me ne
soglasovali!
-??? Well, Alexander Grigoryevich, everything was coordinated. Here we sent inquiry,
kotory to you: "Russians increase gas price, chto
delat?" Here you wrote: "Duty"... At
-Well, let's look... Idiot! It not "duty", it "is sent on...!"

*****

- Why Lukashenko was nicknamed by "GRIZZLIES", he that same big and hairy?
No, he same bad and on all growls.

*****

- Lukashenko to us brother or friend?
- Of course the brother, after all do not choose friends!

*****

Lukashenko gets out of a bed at night and goes to the refrigerator to drink cucumber rassol.
dergayet for a refrigerator door, and, having opened it observes how by inertia on the shelf the jelly "shivers".
Ha that, the Father addressing to a jelly also speaks: "That be not afraid... I behind sour cream"

*****

Medical examination in Administraiya Prezident of Belarus. Doors. The plate 112 Office - the Therapist.
lukashenko comes, the doctor writes something. Lukashenko coughs.
VRACH podymat the head and udivlenno:
"You were mistaken an office. The psychiatrist accepts in the 211th".

*****

Minsk. The President Lukashenko speaks at session national parlamenta:
-Dear companions! I want to tell you what Russia owes us 2 billion dollarov.
question from zala:
-Allow to learn, for what?
-A that you thought, I with them on candy wrappers play tennis.

*****

At Alexander Lukashenko and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's meeting did not manage without kuryezov.
prezident the Islamic Republic of Iran strongly was confused when heard the familiyu.
v the ocheredl the president of Belarus too was confused, but could not address to the colleague differently, as: "Mahmoud, Odolzhidenzhat".

*****

At a beauty contest Ms. Belarussiya 2001 persistent fight and after the shared opinions of judges was won by Alexander Grigoryevich Lukashenko

*****

On last elections the vast majority of the population of Belarus supported the president Lukashenko.
A suppressed - against.

*****

At the summit of presidents of the CIS the word is pledged to the president of Belarus Lukashenko. Such ponuryy:
-Well sho to tell
vykhodit. Pogano. Oil not, gas not, gold not, Putin does not drink...

*****

For the third day the turner and the electrician admitted the guilt for acts of terrorism in London and Lisbon.

*****

Learned Lukashenko to play soccer and across all Belarus started building football stadiums and arenas. To play Lukashenko's
nauchilsya hockey and across all Belarus started building ice arenas, hockey platforms.
NU, and now all Belarus builds National library...

*****

The president of Belarus Lukashenko learned to play somehow hockey. Constructed in the country hockey ice dvortsy.
nauchilsya Lukashenko to play soccer. Constructed big football manezh.
a now Lukashenko started building library.

*****

News of day: in a family of the president of Belarus the following president of Belarus was born.

*****

Announcement. "I change the certain apartment in Minsk on coupled in the Kremlin. Sasha"

*****

The Olympic Games, hockey match of the USA - Belarus.
diktor declares that 90% support the USA, 9,99% for Belarus and only one person - for anybody the unknown national team of Malaysia.
TUT all attention to it, and is Lukashenko with a flag krichit:
-Malayans! Malayans!

*****

In the fall in Belarus an election of the president of Republic of Belarus of Alexander Grigoryevich Lukashenko will take place.

*****

Opening of the Ice Arena in the city of Mogilev. Are present: The president Kuchma with the spouse, the President Putin with the spouse and the president Lukashenko with the club...

*****

The patriarch Kirill congratulated Lukashenko with next pereizbraniyem:
- The Lord voted for Alexander Grigoryevich three times, - told on.
tak here, it appears, excess 40% of voices from where undertook …

*****

Before an election of the president of Belarus Alexander Lukashenko promised to cancel censorship in presse.
posle the re-election he the first decree cancelled censorship. The second - to the press.

*****

Before elections there comes Lukashenko to the village - to communicate to electorate hunting. The chairman of men collects. Those stand, lour at the father, are silent. Lukashenko:
-Well, tavarishsha - and how at you here raforma go?
muzhiki molchat.
- And how you a salary are paid?
muzhiki molchat.
- And how with housing?
muzhiki are silent. Predsedatel:
-Lyaksandr Rygorych - muzhyka at us here the people dark - You with them to a poproshsha...
lukashenko:
-Is healthy, muzhyka!!!
muzhiki, klanyayas:
-Is healthy, the barin...

*****

Hung up the Belarusian. Come for the third day, and it live in a loop dangles, ask as it happened, and it in otvet:
-Well the first two days smothered-smothered, and then got gradually used.

*****

V?clav Havel, Lech Walesa and Alexander Lukashenko get to paradise. Apostolo Pyotr will see off them to God. That sits on a throne and asks them" "You who? "
gavel: - I am the president of Chekhii.
bog: - I know, I know, you carried out many reforms, improved life to people, sit down at me with left storony.
valensa: - And I am the president of Polshi.
bog: - I Know, you brought to the people freedom. Sit down at me with right storony.
lukashenko: - And I prazidzent Belarusii Alyaksandr Grygoryevich Lukashenka. And to a pacham this you rasseusya on May a place?

*****

After loud statements of the president of Belarus Lukashenko to Moscow, authorities of the capital made the decision to close the Belarusian metro station.

*****

After death some Belarusians get back to Belarus.

*****

After in 1999 in Belarus presidential elections did not take place big international scandal began. But in a month, bombing of Yugoslavia began and about Belarus all forgot.
posle of how in 2001godu in Belarus presidential elections were garbled began big international scandal. But every other day terrorists blew up the World Shopping Center in New York and about Belarus all forgot.
posle of how in 2002 from Belarus famous Russian politicians were deported, began big international scandal. But on the same day, terrorists seized theater in Moscow and about Belarus all zabyli.
... War in Yugoslavia, explosion of the WTO, capture of the Northeast. At first sight, well what relation to it Lukashenko has?

*****

The last statement of Alexander of Lukashenko:
"Well as is so possible? It was got by the balls - oil disappeared."

*****

The chairman of the CEC - Lukashenko:
- At me two news, one good - another bad. With what to begin?
lukashenko:
-C good...
- You became prezidentom.
- And bad then what???
- nobody voted for you.

*****

The president of Belarus A. G. Lukashenko signed the Decree according to which the candidate for president has to have length of service the president not less than 5 years.

*****

The president of Belarus Lukashenko learned to play hockey. In each village of Belarus constructed skating rinks. Now in each village of the country build libraries......

*****

The president of Russia Dmitry Medvedev declared that it is better for president of Belarus to deal with the Belarusian problems.
chyimi is better to deal with problems to the president of Russia, Dmitry Anatolyevich for some reason did not tell.

*****

The president does not need the colleagues able to assent only. If he speaks "no", all of us speak "no".

*****

The prime minister of Belarus comes into an office to Lukashenko and with surprise sees how that at a mirror puts on make-up under Ben of Ladena.
-You that it, the father, do?
- of That, that! At Europe do not let, at America do not let! Taper pushchay for me will run about!

*****

Called somehow time God for himself on heavens of three presidents: The USA, Russia and Belarus and speaks:
-Misters presidents, I called you to report one very unpleasant news: in two weeks there will be a DOOMSDAY. I want
Ya that you with advantage told this bitter news three of my to the most beloved narodam.
vystupleniye Bush on televideniyu:
-Brothers and sisters, I have for you two news. Horony and bad. The first - God after all is. The second - in two weeks will be the end sveta.
vystupleniye Putin on television and radio:
-Ladies and gentlemen, I have for you two news. Both bad. The first - God after all is. The second - in two weeks will be the end sveta.
vystupleniye Lukashenko on television and radio:
- The People of free Belorusi, I have for you two news. Both good. The first - God recognized me as the president. The second - I will govern to a doomsday.