Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lukashenka

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The assistant and speaks:
-Alexander Grigoryevich comes to Lukashenko, you at last became vyezdnym.
-Yes? And where my first trip?
-B Hague.

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The people to Alexander Grigoryevich came and voproshayet:
-you will govern How long?
- To Kolya *, - are answered by Lukashenko.
* Kolya - the nine-year-old son of Alexander Grigoryevich famous for that bit recently the stewardess.

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About Lukashenko:
-Alexander Grigoryevich, your rating fell!
- Where? (scaredly inspecting itself).

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Putin summons the minister oborony.
-How many at Lukashenko of divisions?
- of 4 divisions, Vladimir Vladimirovich!
- is A little. We will have no problems even if it will go to Moskvu.
-Am afraid that will arise, Vladimir Vladimirovich: if Lukashenko goes na
moskvu, forty divisions will already approach Moscow...

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Putin calls Schr?der and as if between times asks:
- And what you, the dear chancellor, ate for lunch today?
shreder udivilsya:
-As usual: couple of salads, soup, well pro-fried bishteks and beer glass...
-A you incidentally did not notice anything suspicious? - Putin.
shreder properly is not appeased thought over and vydal:
-Yes here it seemed to me that the well-done beefsteak had some smack of shit...
putin discontentedly hissed in trubku:
- And, a pancake! Again Belarusian Lukoshenko got! Again natural gas the human dilutes!!!

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Devils in a hell about rabote:
-Oh, well and a job at me talk. Varya-fry of these Russians, and they from a copper jump out, firewood will filch, to fight lezut.
- And I have Jews. One of a copper will get out, so all for itself tashchit.
- And at me, men, a lafa. Belarusians. They if will also get out of a copper, only firewood will throw and back climb.

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We open acts of terrorism. Quickly. Cheap. Belarus.

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Referendum in Belarusi.
question : Whether against you that that Lukashenko again was a president?
1) Yes, not protiv.
2) Is not present, not against.

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Today at 9 o'clock in the morning on the Minsk time from five-kilometer height fell to the ground and the helicopter of the president of Republic of Belarus crashed. Whether
BYL onboard the president - is still not known, but the people to be put on the best.

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Putin and Lukashenko sit on a pear. By there pass two young peasants voters (the union of Russia and Belarus) .
-Smotri, on a pear - that sit an eagle with shit - speaks odna.
putin and speaks to Lukashenko: "Well, I departed" Lukashenko's
A to it and answers: "When a shovel will throw then you will depart."

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Kuchma and Lukashenko in a stomach at Putin Kuchma speaks:
-Putin us sit Lukashenko otvechayet
- Ate I do not know, I do not know, and I got some other way here.

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Lukashenko broke a leg. Urgent surgery is necessary.
sobralis his confidants and having conferred decided that they cannot trust belarusky surgeons: you never know will run into any fanatic, and called the Russian doctor.
priyekhal the best-known Russian surgeon examined the president and told that on operation it to be necessary for it hour and it will operate one without assistentov.
prokhodit hour - there is a surgeon and speaks that it will need, at least, 2 more hours. In 2 hours - asks an hour more, then an hours more of
priblizhennye do not find for excitement of a place. And here, after 5-chasavy operation, there is at last a surgeon - all in blood from head to foot and speaks:
-"to Zhyva Belarus!"

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Brings together Lukashenko of the priblizhennykh:
-Well, I think, it is clear to all that for the country it will be better if I direct it pozhiznenno.
vse:
-Well, clear delo.
lukashenko:
-But now it is necessary to think as after death my authority will be obespechivatsya.
-So, Alexander Grigoryevich - we will bury you on the best cemetery, in the place of honor...
- You that, sduret?" On a cemetery". Among any dead men, perhaps?
- Is not present, it we without having thought. We, Alexander Grigoryevich, to you will make the mausoleum in the center of Minsk...
- Is banal it, the mausoleum. Now to mausoleums of whom only not kladut.
dumayte, think...
koroche, thought, for the next day predlagayut:
- And let's you bury in Christ's tomb!
- Well this to bole-exchange. Agree there... well, where this tomb...
EShchE dokladyvayut:
-made next day Everything, Alexander Grigoryevich. Contacted Jerusalem, agreed, will put you directly in the Lord's Coffin. However, they for it ask one million dollarov.
-Million dollars? It is a bit too much something... to me only for three days...

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Whether the message of electoral commission of Belorussii
na the referendum which took place yesterday only 87% of voters correctly answered a question "Lukashenko for the third term can move forward?"

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Ask A. G. Lukashenko korrespondenty:
- And how many you languages know?
-Pyat.
-As five!?
- Well, the first is Russian written, the second is Russian oral, the third - Belarusian written, the fourth - Belarusian oral, the fifth - angliyskiy.
- And what you in English know?
- Hand hokh!
- So same in German...
- Then six!

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Urgently the enemy number 1 is required. Requirements: the frightening-off appearance, skills with a clever look to drive any hogwash before television cameras.
kaddafi and Lukashenko to offer only if absolutely we find nobody. Washington, White house to ask Barack.

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The old woman cries. It sprashivayut:
-That you roar, old?
- Yes, milka to live in Belarus hochetsya.
-Well, you, the silly woman, cry. You also live in Belorussii.
-Yes I in that want which on the TV is shown.

*****

Having employed the ex-president of Kyrgyzstan Bakiyev the director voyennogo
zavoda in Minsk. A. G. Lukashenko with interest watches events in Tunisia, Egypt and Yemen...

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Alexander Lukashenko sprashivayut:
- At you has a sense of humour?
-A as! Here tell, for example, the last joke with 1jj.ru about me! Yes I the end forgot
-!
- of Anything, begin! Then you will remember! Time mnooy will be!

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The president of Belarus has journalists sprashivayut:
-As it is possible to lift our agriculture?
- need to be put, only to put and once again to put.

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Lukashenko died and got to paradise, there his devils grabbed by hands and hryas in a copper with the boiling pitch!
lukashenko comes up from it and speaks:
" Brothers, sho - You do, in paradise everything not so has to be!"
A draw to it and govoryat:
" Aaaa... Alexander Grigoryevich you probably BT watched it?"

*****

Hockey. Lukashenko on a tribune. The audience chants: "Washer! Washer!" And to it everything seems: "Tsar! Tsar!"

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Central Election Commission of Belarus: An election of the president of Lukashenko took place

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Yes that at you even in the winter of snow was not to get! - Lukashenko,
podpisyvaya contracts for purchase of oil and gas swore...

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To cause militia in Russia it is necessary to call on 02. In Belarus it is enough to clap.

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In a whisper (!!!) You heard
-A?. Hardware... It appears, in Belarus forty years in a row the president will be the same person!.
- Truth?. And who?!

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I adore reading silently on 1jj.ru!
priznalsya president of Belarus Alexander Grigoryevich Lukashenko. Also began to cry.

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Since today jokes reckon with participation of a bear as the political.

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And that, Medvedev, so Medvedev... If only in a raspberry brake did not sit out and did not fall into hibernation.

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And it is Moscow where there live Vovik and Dimon. And today they try to win vybory.
-Vovik, I chyo the ochky. You think will give a ride?
- Yes you uspokooooysya! I already two times so did!

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And suddenly the real Medvedev is not present for a long time, and he is played by Bezrukov...

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And as everything began!... "Preved, Medved!"

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- And not bad Dmitry Medvedev dances!
- Dances, maybe, it and it is quite good, but operates the state so, budto
emu someone's eggs disturb...

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And now? - "Poked, Medved!"...

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Nevertheless Medvedev was more abruptly than Putina.
vspomnite 4 years ago: hockey - the first, the Eurovision - the first, EURO - good rezultat.
a now: hockey - the first, the Eurovision - the second so from soccer there was already nothing to wait

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Already four parties nominated Medvedev in presidents. But the CEC declared that only one can propose the candidate. Here they also divide now not killed Medvedev's skin...

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Americans consider that the streets of Moscow are walked by bears with a balalaika. Russia decided them not to disappoint. It was necessary only to teach to play Medvedev on a balalaka.

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The Armenian radio is asked: Why Medvedev, actively using the Internet, does not believe in falsification on elections?
otvet: Because Putin established it "the Children's Internet" from Megafon!

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The Armenian radio is asked: "Who such - Brezhnev, Andropov, Chernenko, Gorbachev, Yeltsin, Putin and Medvedev? "
armyanskoye of radio answers: "It is small politicians of an era of Alla Borisovna Pugacheva."