Anecdotes about the army

Read funny Anecdotes about the army

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Send crowd of students to a dress to kitchen. Ask at prapora:
- And the potato peeler is?
-A as! Crew - 5 people...

*****

The soldier at wheel KRAZA sweats handing over back, and before a cowl bagayet
mayor and oret:
-Nazad it is a little, back, to the right! Now shift to the Left give, is still more left! To the right, to the right, to the left, to the right!! STOP!!!!!! Brake!!!! Brake!! Stand I speak! …... And now get out mudak and look where you came around!!!!!

*****

Why in army there is no KVN? - Because cheerful sit on a guardroom, and resourceful - houses.

*****

Why militsiolner go on three?
ODIN is able to read, - to write another, and to the third simply pleasantly is in the company of educated people.

*****

Why on a new militia form on a hand - Vakh metal buttons?
-That a sleeve did not wipe a nose!
-A why they shine?
-So all the same wipe.

*****

Went shooting the general and a prapor. Entered only the wood - a goat mimo
proneslas, the general did not manage to shoot, and the prapor not stal.
-You why did not shoot?!
-Was afraid, companion general, and suddenly she domashnyaya.
- The Fool! In the wood all wild!
IDUT is farther, the shot is suddenly distributed and terrible vizg.
-You whom hit?
-Wild woman, companion general.

*****

Prapor asks:
-Kto will go to potato two steps vpered.
vykhodyat two soldata.
-Ostalnye will go on foot.

*****

Prapor: "I am a person not shy, but when near the ugly face: the flame, sparks, a smoke, me after all is terrible therefore I do not smoke".

*****

Praporshchik:
-to Bring you in an open country, to put facing a wall. And to start up to you a bullet in a forehead.

*****

The ensign built in the plane group of soldiers for jumps with parashyutom.
vidit: one guy shivers from strakha.
asks:
-That with you, the guy?
-Yes the first time with a parachute I jump - I am afraid terribly!
-of Ladushki, the first time you can jump without parachute.

*****

The ensign paces before a system novobrantsev:
-Remember, the main thing in army is a discipline, work, study!
golos from standing poddakivayet:
-it is correct! To study, study and study! Who it told
praporshchik:
-?
- The Classic - Lenin!
- The Classic, it being necessary to leave from! Two extra duties for boltovnyu.
lenin to fail!
-So it died?!
-of Hm, soldiers mnut, and the ensign does not know...

*****

The ensign speaks to soldiers on morning postroyenii:
-If I learn that the word "foul place" with which you tease me, from the word "clown", - I will let rot!!!

*****

Praporshchik:
-If volunteers will not be, I should call them.

*****

The ensign instructs novobrantsev:
- The Fighter has to salute each tree, starting with me.

*****

The ensign Kotov very much loved potato in mundire.
ego friends knew about it and always tried to put to him couple of potatoes that in an inside pocket of a single-breasted coat, in a hip-pocket of trousers.

*****

The ensign - novobrantsam:
-I ordered place all pools on a parade-ground that officers po
doroge did not urinate.

*****

The ensign explains novobrantsam:
- The Face of the soldier are his boots. They have to shine constantly as the idiot's smile. Who did not understand, look at me.

*****

The ensign explains soldatam:
-on command "become!" all have to take instantly places in a system. Most of all I do not suffer opozdunov.
-Unless there is such word? - asks one of soldat.
-it is not pleasant, the student? Then consider that I do not love opozdanets. Also try to object me!

*****

The ensign goes on kazarme:
-3,14dorasy, 3,14dorasy! It not army, and one 3,14dorasy! To O%uyet! Where I got? One 3,14dorasy! Chyo to do is farther? How to live? I will not understand. Estimate in a kaptyorka: socks spi%dit, stockings spi%dit, spi%dila lipstick! 3,14dorasy, here 3,14dorasy!

*****

The ensign before we will melt soldat.
- The Private Ivanov!
DVA golosa:
-I!
-Well, what from E-mine... no, from Uy-bl... (bangs itself a fist po
lbu)
-Perhaps from Ukhta?
-is exact!!! A dress on kitchen!

*****

The ensign before stroyem:
-I to you lowered all the time through fingers but if I za
chto-nibud catch somebody, it will be his end.

*****

The ensign before a system novobrantsev:
-Who is able to shoot - a step forward!
pyatero take a step forward. Prapor:
-Now will go with mnoy.
through some time bring them to the city and land on a central square. Praporshchik:
-I Will return for you in 3 hours. Questions are?
ODIN from novobrantsev:
-Companion ensign, and …???
-Yes, nearly forgot: a problem of each of you - to shoot at least 500 rubles.

*****

The ensign before a system soldat:
-Well, what? Let's go bricks to load, or well it on x. y?
soldaty (chorus):
-Well it on x. y!!!
-is correct! Well it on x. y, we will go bricks to load!

*****

The ensign Petrov from political occupations knew that he has a right for work, but owing to natural modesty it very seldom used it.

*****

The ensign in a bed with the wife. Nothing poluchayetsya.
Wife:
-That with you today? Yes not in shape ya.
-So put on
-!

*****

The ensign constructed rotu.
-Check of a condition of footwear. The right foot - up!
Bce raise the right foot, one soldier by mistake lifts levuyu.
praporshchik notices in a rank double bresh:
-Who it raised both feet there?!

*****

The ensign constructed a company on trevoge.
-In the neighboring village the fire. On fire suppression - run march!
through five minut.
- And it is called "as run march?" To return back in raspolozheniye
roty and once again: run march!

*****

The ensign ordered to whitewash a kapterka. Next day came to take rabotu:
- And it that for a dark stain?
-Companion ensign, but same your shadow! All the same to whitewash
-!

*****

The ensign passes medical board. The oculist emu:
-Close the left eye. What letter?
praporshchik molchit.
-Close the left eye. What letter?
praporshchik molchit.
-you that, absolutely see nothing?
-Is not present, I see perfectly - simply forgot as they are called.

*****

The ensign tries to pull a boot on a foot. Not poluchayetsya.
ryadovoy sovetuyet:
-Companion ensign, you a uvula vytashchili.
-Here thanks, - the ensign answers and puts out tongue.

*****

The ensign - ryadovomu:
- And where you managed to zasrat trousers so?
-On skameyke.
-Eh you! People put feet there, boots clean! And you there ass!

*****

The ensign looks in a mirror, having closed shoulder straps hands:
-Here so - the fool the fool... Hand
ubirayet with pogon:
- And here so - the senior warrant officer!

*****

The ensign soldatam:
-you should not lower eyes from the enemy! Sidorov, you that so stared at me?

*****

The ensign - to soldiers on poverke:
-That to my return nails were cut! And on fingers too!

*****

The ensign asks:
-Is among you somebody with music education?
-Is, I!
-I I! Carry
-in club of a piano!
-A for what here music education?
-That not poperl something another!

*****

The ensign builds a platoon and asks:
-For whom is available at himself a knife, a step forward!
ODIN of soldiers takes a step forward. Prapor:
- The Good fellow, you receive 10-day otpusk.
i on the same day that soldier went to holiday. Day through three prapor again addresses to vzvodu:
-For whom is available at itself a knife, a step forward!
VES a platoon takes a step forward. Prapor:
-Good fellows, will go to peel potatoes.

*****

Praporshchik:
-Companion soldier, you are able to swim?
-Is so exact!
-Where you learned it?
-B to water, companion ensign!

*****

The ensign saw on a parade-ground
-lying golovu:
- The Man on duty, what is it? the Head, companion ensign! I See
-, what not feet. Why it is not tonsured?!

*****

- The ensign Fomin, I already the third time find you in the company of my wife without pants!
-Is so exact, companion colonel. The major says that they are not present in a warehouse!